Who should share a room in our blended family home?

[Lost4Madness]

My husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. He has a DD 18years old and DS 16 years old who come to stay 5 days out of 15 (although sometimes less, depending whether they make other plans to go out and remain at their mothers). We’re about to buy our first home and I’m not sure on sleeping arrangements. My husband is adament his eldest DD is to have her own room…but I’m not sure who our DD should share with. Any advice?
PS there’s no other room to use as ‘bedroom’ except a sofa bed in living room.

I think the only option here is 4 bedrooms. DD18 needs own room (how long for? Will she be going to uni?), DS16 needs own room and not appropriate to share with 4 year old. DD4 is there 100% of time so needs own room.

sorry OP, but I can’t see a way around this, unless DD18 is moving out soon.

Well an 18 yr old girl and 16 yr old boy can't share. But an 18 yr old and 4 year old sharing isn't compatible either - presumably they have very different bedtimes!
Are the teenagers currently studying for GCSE's and A levels? If so, prioritise them until the summer and have your 4 yr old sharing with you. Then, presumably the 18 yr old will go off to uni or get a full time job and not be around to come to her dad's 5 days out of 15, so your 4 yr old then gets her room.

We cannot afford a 4 bedroom!
DD18 is last year of A-levels with a view of getting a full time job. DS16 is year 10 going into GCSEs. The third bedroom is a box room - currently earmarked for DD18. All the rooms are pretty small but bed 1 & 2 can fit 2 single beds in!
husband is adament and won’t budge. I just don’t know what to do for the best

She shouldn’t share with any teenagers at all. Even those who are related to her. It’s inappropriate. She’ll have to stay in with you.

So what is DH’s solution?

4 bedroom house this cant be surprise this ia the only way with adding another child with such a large age gap, there is no other solution

It’s a 4 bedroom house or nothing. The 18 and 16 year old can’t share and your child can’t share with either as they are far too young.

you need to work something out so that they all have a room. If that means you have the living room when one of the older children visit , then so be it.

Yep was just going to ask
You've only said that he insists the girl shouldn't share. Surely he must have said what his solution is?
Surely his solution can't be the little child and the older boy sharing?

Why can’t the teenagers share? They are the closest related and if they are only there for a few days a month what’s the problem? They have a permanent home with their mum but Your 4 year old only has one home and one bedroom so shouldn’t be expected to share or move in with parents. If your husband is that adamant his kids don’t share then he needs to come up with another solution and more money to pay for it! Like a garden room that doubles as a 4th bedroom?

I do t think DD4 shouldn’t share with either teenagers, and the two bigger bedrooms are the same size - both would fit 1x double sized bed or 2x singles. We wouldn’t have room in our room! Unfortunately that’s the situation we have. Husbands suggestion is DD4 shares with her brother in second biggest room - each with a single beds on opp sides of room, and DD18 the box room with 1x single beds.

You’ve said ‘we’re about to buy our first home’ - what are the living arrangements currently? Are you renting a four bedroom? If so you may have to continue with that until the eldest is settled?

Any way of splitting one of the larger bedrooms with a stud wall? Otherwise I can only see that you put two beds and two sets of drawers etc into the largest room. It is DD4's room for 10 out of 15 days but she goes in with you when DD18 is there and DD18 can have the room to herself. Keep as many of DD4's toys downstairs as possible.

Biggest bedroom - double bed for you and DH, small mattress under the bed to pull out when DD needs it.
2 single beds in bedroom 2 and very good storage. DSD has half the storage for her things, DD has the other half. When DSD is with you, it's her room soley (bring the things DD needs out in advance). When DSD is at her mum's, DD uses it. DSS in box room.
There isn't another option if you can't afford a 4 bedroom house.

Your DH has come up with the least appropriate solution. A 16 year old boy can't share with his 4 year old sister!

Well that’s really not going to work. For one, a teen boy isn’t going to want to go to bed by 9pm. Two, child on child sexual abuse is a risk. Three, even if he’s a perfectly normal lad… teenage boys are rather well known for wanting privacy for various reasons.

What is the current set up?

You need a 4 bedroom house.

What's your current set up?

You absolutely can’t put a 4 year old girl in with a 16 year old boy. It’s a huge safeguarding issue apart from anything else and she will likely tell school who will then be likely to investigate this ridiculous idea!!!

your 4 year old daughter needs to either share with you or the 18 year old girl who is likely to move out soon I’m guessing to uni?

alternatives would be a 4 bed in a cheaper area or you putting a sofa bed in the lounge and you sleeping downstairs and giving all the kids a room.

4 bed house is the only way this will work.
Or you’re going to have to stay in the living room while the 18 year-old has your bedroom for the 5 nights.
You can’t make anybody share a teenage lad’s bedroom.
The 4 year-old can’t share with anybody.
If the 18 year-old is getting a job and stays 5 days or less out of two weeks, she can sleep in your bedroom.
”Adamant” husband can get fucked.

I can’t see any other solution other than what @Somerdays suggested. Unless you put up a partition wall in the biggest room.

You absolutely can’t have DD share with a teenager. It isn’t fair on either of them.

Or speak to the older DCs - maybe they could stagger the days that they come and stay if they are close by enough? That way they could use the same room but not at the same time. One of them with you for 5 days, then the other one for another 5 days.

He can't seriously think it's appropriate to have a teenage boy sharing a room with a little girl? Has he forgotten what it's like to be that age? To put it bluntly, a16 year old lad is going to want to have a wank and will probably have a hard on when he wakes up in the morning. Neither are things his 4 year old half-sister should be anywhere near.

I would suggest not putting any of them through that situation. Wait until 18 year old moves out. If you insist, then your 4 year old will have to bunk in with you.

The 4 year old will have to sleep in with you when the older two are there - there's no appropriate combination of sharing between the children.

I imagine DH wants to give the 18 year old the room because he realises she just won't come if she has no space of her own at the house. But I think this is likely to happen however you arrange the rooms, as there fundamentally isn't really space for them all.

That may logically be the only reasonable conclusion and the one DH would likely choose although it contradicts his suggestion of insisting one has their own room - whereas the other can use the living room (where he can chat to friends while onPS4🤣)!
its a delicate subject and if I bring it up with DH he becomes defensive and accuses me of having it in for his kids (I do t!)