Who should share a room in our blended family home?

[Lost4Madness]

My husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. He has a DD 18years old and DS 16 years old who come to stay 5 days out of 15 (although sometimes less, depending whether they make other plans to go out and remain at their mothers). We’re about to buy our first home and I’m not sure on sleeping arrangements. My husband is adament his eldest DD is to have her own room…but I’m not sure who our DD should share with. Any advice?
PS there’s no other room to use as ‘bedroom’ except a sofa bed in living room.

Put the teens in the biggest room with either a partition wall or one of those IKEA Kallax hacks.

You get the next biggest room and DD gets the smallest

Have you seen those bunk beds that essentially split a room in two? Each bed has a wall creating a partition. That would have to suit the older teens. It’s the only way I can see it working fairly.

Would be totally inappropriate for a teenage girl and boy to share especially as the rooms are small.

It's his daughter as well though, so potentially making another link in the blended family.

I'm sure we had a thread with the exact same children awhile ago. But they already had a house.

Mum might appreciate the house to herself now and again. Given that she's doing most of the parenting. And assuming the kids need transporting, that's additional faff and mental load.

Surely this is a fake thread. No one could be that irresponsible towards their children.

No way would dd share with a 12 years older dsd. You need to sit down with him and say you’ve said clearly you won’t compromise on giving your dd her own room. I am an adult and partner in this relationship and I will no longer compromise in sleeping our 4 yo with a teen boy. I also feel teen boy will need to be up studying with his gcse, but that shows your priorities as a parent and isn’t a basic safeguarding requirement so I will leave that up to you. When ds is staying dd sleeps with me and you sleep with ds. Or in the garden, I don’t care. My boundary is as immovable as yours and it should be, since mine is about basic standards and yours is about prioritising one near adult child over both of your other two. If you can’t accept this, then we can’t buy the house and perhaps we need to separate, since that’s our current arrangement too and it won’t hold anymore. Little girls do not share rooms with teen boys. Take a day before you reply because you need to accept that every time your son is here, you sleep with him or in the living room or garden, dd is in with me.

I agree with your sentiment but just wanted to say social services don't decree anything about bedroom arrangements.

Not inappropriate at all to share with her sister, although her sister may not love it. My half-sister shared w me when she came to is and she was 12 years older than I was.

If none of above ideas are acceptable you need to move to an area where you can afford a 4 bed house and adapt accordingly to new location. You have plan your lives and your DC's lives vert poorly. Otherwise - living room must become a bedroom. So house will be 4 bedrooms, kitchen and bathroom. OR you and your child move out - or DH moves out.

Well this house clearly isn’t suitable for your family. Can you buy a 4 bed in a cheaper area. Otherwise you might need to stay where you are if that works now and move later

It’s a 3 bed. Box room DD 18. 2nd bed youngest DD as she is permanent resident and assumedly needs some play space etc and won’t be a young child for long. Sofa bed in lounge DS. You all agree a reasonable bed time so DS gets some sleep and privacy, and somewhere for him to study like a drop down desk or the dining table. You make it up to DS by allowing him to have his games console or whatever in the lounge. When DD 18 goes to Uni she no longer needs a full time room, and DS can go into there and she can use the sofabed if she visits. Sofabed needs to be of quality for adult sleeping. Ideally with storage for some bedding, DS should also have somewhere to put his clothes etc.

If it’s got a garden you could also look into a small garden office with electricity suitable for sleeping in. DS would probably love it having space at that age. Sofabed and a cupboard would easily kit it out.

Ds 16 has your bedroom when he stays, and you buy sofa bed for lounge.

Each child should have their own room and you pair should buy the best sofa bed you can buy, and sleep in the living room each night.

My sister does this so that her two children can have their own rooms. I'm in awe of the commitment to them having their own space.

There is usually a cheaper area you can move to, to get a bigger house, eg further away from amenities. Or buy a fixer upper to get the extra space. This family needs 4 bedrooms.

You're buying a house that's inappropriate for your family's needs. Buy a different one 🤷

I was just thinking this, it’s just too weird on so many levels

If it is real, then if I were @Lost4Madness I would move into a two bed with DD and leave the weird DH to his own devices

If it was me, I would have the 4 year old in with me when the SD was staying

All the children should have their own rooms and you should sleep on the couch in the sitting room, or you need to have dd4 in with you. Dd4 cannot share with either of the older siblings and the older siblings cannot share with each other so those are your only two options unless you put one of the kids on the sofa bed but that obviously won't work.

OP, why aren’t you and your DH on a good sofa bed in the living room? Plenty of people do this.

Well what is your husband’s suggestion? The teenage boy shares with your othet daughter or you?

Split the largest bedroom in two?

Agreed.
My 4 yo would be staying firmly with me if your DH is adamant.

Half brother or no.
I wouldn't be leaving my 4 yo in a room overnight with him...

Assuming ds 16 just needs a bed.
Make the bigger 2nd room your DD4s woth 2 beds

For the 5 nights ds is rhere your DH needs to sleep in with him

Either that or he needs to ensure he researches well and gets a decent sofa bed for downstairs....

This whole thing sounds like a shit show.
Your DH is ridiculous