Who should share a room in our blended family home?

[Lost4Madness]

My husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. He has a DD 18years old and DS 16 years old who come to stay 5 days out of 15 (although sometimes less, depending whether they make other plans to go out and remain at their mothers). We’re about to buy our first home and I’m not sure on sleeping arrangements. My husband is adament his eldest DD is to have her own room…but I’m not sure who our DD should share with. Any advice?
PS there’s no other room to use as ‘bedroom’ except a sofa bed in living room.

Sorry… your husband’s solution if for your 4 year-old little girl to sleep in the same bedroom as a 16 year-old male who will be doing what 16 year-old males do in their bedroom?
What a fucking idiot.
Massive safeguarding issue.
No.
I’d make him sleep in the garden before that happened.

🤣

Where do they sleep now?

What's funny?

Assuming all of downstairs is not open plan then the living room is used as a bedroom.

Don’t let him tell you what to do - it’s your home too and your daughter to consider

he sounds absolutely ridiculous and like he needs a reality check to be honest. I wouldn’t tolerate this nonsense id get my own house for me and my daughter and let this idiot get on with it!

I couldn’t be with someone like this.

Presumably the current situation is better for all the DC, in a rental? If so, you should surely delay buying a house until after DSD's exams in the next few months. If you can't delay, then I agree with your DH that she should be the priority... she needs space to study, as much quiet as possible, not to be upset that there's no space for her at dad's house, etc.
But clearly DD and DSS cannot share so DD will have to be in with you, if you go ahead with the purchase while DSD is still a dependant in full time education.

Op perhaps don’t buy this house with this man if it doesn’t have enough space for your family and you feel you can’t even have a conversation about it with him?

Is this some sort of wind up? Don’t buy a 3bed house…it’s stupid stupid idea.

Well what happens at the moment? Do you and he currently have different houses?

if I bring it up with DH he becomes defensive and accuses me of having it in for his kids

This is extremely concerning. If you don’t live together atm then don’t do it. You should be able to discuss anything and everything, especially how to arrange your home/children/family. His accusations are childish and controlling, he wants to stop you from questioning him and his stupid unworkable ideas by making it not worth the hassle. That’s not acceptable.

Jesus wept, that's his suggestion!?

Exactly this
come on OP think about it!

A 4 year old girl should not share with an 18 year old girl but cannot share with a 16 year old boy.

Do not live with this man, you are not compatible.

What were your housing plans when you were TTC for your joint child?

Current set up is the same: 3 bed house. DD shares on bunk bed with DSS, DSD has her own room

Obviously the 4 year old is in your bedroom...

Could you find a house with a separate dining room and use that as a bedroom for the 16 year old? Or perhaps a garden room for the older one? I don’t think either sharing with a 4 year old would work.

Really good solutions you’ve given me - thank you.
husband has already stated there’s no compromise and he’s not budging. I’ll have DD in with us and he can either sleep downstairs or share with his son when he comes to stay

Why is it imperative that his daughter gets a room to herself but it’s just peachy for his 16 year old son to bunk in with a 4-year old girl?

Why have you agreed to that? You’re drip feeding that he’s actually suggesting the existing arrangement stays in place and you’re okay with it now but won’t be in the new place. You’re both being ridiculous. At what age did you stick your very young female child in a room with a teenage boy?

Don't buy a house with him. Leave him instead.

dear fucking god! Why? Why are you letting a 4 year old share a room with an unrelated male?? Do you give a shit about your dd or no?

Sorry, what is TTC?