Who should share a room in our blended family home?

[Lost4Madness]

My husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. He has a DD 18years old and DS 16 years old who come to stay 5 days out of 15 (although sometimes less, depending whether they make other plans to go out and remain at their mothers). We’re about to buy our first home and I’m not sure on sleeping arrangements. My husband is adament his eldest DD is to have her own room…but I’m not sure who our DD should share with. Any advice?
PS there’s no other room to use as ‘bedroom’ except a sofa bed in living room.

Your four year old needs to share with you. It won't be long before his oldest child needs to move out anyway. If this is really utterly impossible (and it doesn't sound as if it actually is), then you adults need to sleep on a double sofa bed in the living room. You are the people who brought this situation about, and it isn't for long, so you need to suck up the solution with a good grace.

It’s her half brother, albeit a teenage one!

I don’t think there is anything funny here.

He is her (half) brother. Not that it makes it okay!

that doesn’t make a difference, you should be ashamed

ttc= trying to conceive

So why doesn't this happen already?

No you’re right it’s not.

This.
If I knew you, I’d report you.
Fucking insanity.
Forcing your young female child to share with a male of that age is disgraceful.
While you and “D”H have a double bedroom to yourselves?
Nice 👍🏻
And he’s adamant his adult daughter has her own bedroom? While his little girl shares a bunk bed with the 16 year-old doing god knows what above her?!
ARE YOU BOTH OKAY?!

Sorry, I missed that your 4 year old is currently sharing a bunk bed with her 16 year old half-brother? That needs to stop right away, before you even consider what happens when you move house.

An obvious solution is for the two older children to visit at different times. Since one is about to finish school and hopefully work full time, it’s not unreasonable to expect her lifestyle to be very different to that of a 16 year of school student.

Have one bedroom for you and DH. Put the youngest in the box room. Have the second bedroom set up with two single beds and two chest of drawers - one for each. They can visit at different times so although they share the room they are never there in it at the same time.

Yes this says it all

I will never understand women who shack up with men who already have kids when he can't adequately house them. Actually I can't understand women who shack up with men who already have kids full stop, unless they can't have their own/don't want their own. I feel so sorry for the children not being provided for here.

Nothing about this is ok. Why is he so adamant his DD gets her own room, but not his DS, and how have ever thought it ok for a 16yo lad to share with your 4yo girl?

I think there's an agreed age where SS decrees boy & girl siblings should not share a room, and it's about 8yo - your set up now is completely inappropriate.

@Lost4Madness TTC is trying to conceive. So what were your plans for sleeping arrangements when you decided to have a joint child

Stop your DD sharing a bedroom with her half brother. It's just not appropriate and never has been.

Imagine strangers on the internet advocating for
your children before you do.
Fucking abysmal parenting decisions.

Yes I was the thinking this
if you didn’t have the space or money to afford more space why have another child with a man Who thinks it’s ok for a little girl (his own child) to share with a nearly adult male.
this is absolutely revolting and as someone else said if I knew this was going on near me I’d be reporting it to social services too

you are as bad as him for condoning this.

I highly doubt OP had any thoughts around this, I think the concept of TTC is beyond them. They sound like an utterly stupid couple tbh.

Local authority housing considers that a house is overcrowded if siblings of different sexes over the age of 10 have to share a bedroom (1985 Housing Act). Obviously doesn't cover private rentals or owner occupiers but does give guidelines about what age is considered generally appropriate.

He's not her step brother, he's her half brother.

Not that I'd have a 4yo girl in with ANY 16 yo male. It's not fair on either of them.

but I wouldn't be with any twat that declares 'it's not negotiable' or insists his precious first born should have her own room while the other two share.

@Lost4Madness

After telling him not to be so fucking ridiculous, I'd put DD in the second room (this is her full time home!) & the older 2 can alternate visits using the box room, or come together & 1 can sleep in the lounge.

I don't see what has changed since your previous thread to warrant yet another thread telling you what a twat you're married to & the youngest DD needs her own room?!

To be completely blunt, because your precious DD cannot afford for me not to be: full brothers have sexually abused their little sisters, and the more distant the relationship, the higher the risk. DSD is a half-brother.

Even though your DSS is probably one of the majority of men and boys who would never dream of molesting a little girl, you shouldn't take that risk. Safeguarding works by never saying "not my Nigel" and thinking that, actually, it might be "my Nigel" and putting protections in place accordingly.

Seeing the bigger picture, it's of great concern to me that your husband doesn't see this risk and shuts down your attempts to discuss it? Does he shut you down on other matters? Is there a large age gap between you? What's the balance of power generally like in your marriage? And could you afford to leave witb DD with you if it all went pear-shaped?

Well, yes. I guess that's what many of us have been talking around, but it does seem the OP may need it spelling out.

DSD is a half-brother should say "DSS is...".

Surely you knew you couldn't afford a 4 bedroom house when you had your 4 year old.

Give the box room to the 16 year old boy. He shouldn't be sharing with anyone. 18 year old can keep her stuff in 4 year olds room and either sleep on the sofa or her dad can if 4 year old goes in with you.

Surprised social works haven't paid you a visit already.

do you ever read the news? Look at any statistics on child abuse? Have a single bit of common sense?

your young daughter should not be sharing a bedroom with a teenage boy.