Who should share a room in our blended family home?

[Lost4Madness]

My husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. He has a DD 18years old and DS 16 years old who come to stay 5 days out of 15 (although sometimes less, depending whether they make other plans to go out and remain at their mothers). We’re about to buy our first home and I’m not sure on sleeping arrangements. My husband is adament his eldest DD is to have her own room…but I’m not sure who our DD should share with. Any advice?
PS there’s no other room to use as ‘bedroom’ except a sofa bed in living room.

I think the hopeless husband needs the room for gaming

if you can’t afford a four bed house then you live with 4 year old and husband can live with his kids. Why do people embark on these ‘blended’ relationships when they don’t have the means to do what’s best for the children involved.

I would wait at least a year and see what the 18-year-old is going to do. There’s no jobs out there. It’s absolute carnage so she’s probably gonna have to go to university to just do something.
And therefore move out

I never been the wildest dreams expected to read the statement. The husband needs a room for Gaming.
How is somebody who is a husband in need of a room to game within?
How do they get the time if they are husbanding?

Only real solution is kids in their own rooms, you and dh in the living room.
You can't make any of them share.

ah, I’ve checked and I was wrong on that, apologies to you and hopeless husband, got mixed up 🙈

We won't even let SS 9 share with 4 yr old half sister, yet alone a 16 year old! He's at an age where hel most likely be having sex soon if he hasn't already, waking up with morning boners and that age where he thinks he's probably sneaky as he can't see her, wrong in so many ways! If your husbands adamant on his oldest getting her own room, SS should use your room whilst he's there and you should sleep downstairs. You shouldn't be forcing a 4 year old out of her permanent room she might end up harboring resentment so yourself and your husband should be the ones to move

Your DD absolutely shouldn't share with her 14 year old brother. Can you partition the room? If not, your DD needs to share with her 18 year old sister in the biggest room. I assume that at some point DD18 will leave home once she starts earning.

Absolutely do no have your 4 year old sharing

Why are you buying another 3 bed house in your situation? It's already causing disagreement. Scrap that idea, and rethink your plans.

16 yo boy with 4 yo girl not at all appropriate.

As it’s only likely for a few years, for now:

• Bedroom 1: You and DH
• Bedroom 2: DD4 + toys
• Bedroom 3: DD18
• Lounge with sofa bed: DS16

Do you have a kitchen-diner? If so, when DP’s kids are staying, you let DS16 have lounge to himself and spend your days in kitchen/garden (and DD4 playing in her room/garden) and evenings in your bedroom. DS16 has chest of drawers in lounge for his stuff.

Another day, another pair of idiots just doing whatever 🙄.

Put the four year old in your bedroom until one of the older children moves out.

You don't force the 18 year old out, because she's getting a job.

The child cannot share with the 16 yo brother.

Good grief!

You need to give your stepchildren the largest bedroom and they need to share.

Does he often say that you’ve got it in for his kids by the way, OP?

At the moment, the balance of power is not too out of kelta if you’re renting
Once you own that property 50-50 you might find that he starts pushing his weight around a bit more and you and your DD are on a bit of a back foot cause you’re not going anywhere are you?

Don’t do this anymore.

The only choice here is that the 4 year old shares with you. It’s not appropriate or safe for 4 year olds to share rooms with teenagers.

STOP YOUR DD SHARING WITH A TEENAGEBOY NOW 📣📣📣

Are you trying to put your DH at risk of sexual abuse?

No it doesn’t matter he’s her half brother.

Most CSA occurs by someone the victim knows. As a therapist I’ve seen countless step/half brothers doing this!!!

If 3 bed is all you can afford and 1 is 18 and unlikely to be keeping to a visitation schedule for much longer, you give up your room temporarily. I sleep in the living room (its a living/dining room so half the space is living room and family space, then a divider screen and my bed and desk are on the other side) so my 3 kids can have a room as none can share any longer, when the first one moves out ill take that room. You give the box room to the teen boy, the girls get the bigger rooms, so when the 18 year old inevitbly stops coming you can take the room without disrupting the others. The 4 year old gets a bigger room as she is there all the time.

Sounds like he could house his children, a 3 bed is fine with 2 DC the problem was adding to the number

Yes or this

Do both teenagers have to be with you at the same time? A sort of time share bedroom could work if they can stay individually.

If you really can't get a 4 bed then you and DP will have to have a sofa bed or murphy bed downstairs.

Full siblings do not require separate bedrooms if they are not full time residents. Personally I don't think they require separate bedrooms even when they are full time residents.

Your DD who lives there full time gets her own room.

If you can’t afford the size house you need, you keep saving and wait until you can afford it.

Dd18 has box room. 2 single beds in the other rooms. Dd4 has one, you and dh the other. When steps come you move in with dd4, dh and ds share.

It’s ridiculous that your dss is having to share with your dd. !! It’s not great that anyone shares (due to ages) but if anyone it should be dsd and dd.
the solution that dd has a bedroom but comes in with you when dss stops is doable.
Alternatively can you not find a house with a separate living room and dining room and use the dining room as a 4th bedroom until elder children stop coming .
My dds stopped staying over at their dads at 18. By then they were at uni would come back in hols and stay with me and visit their dads for the day rather than sleep. Similar situation in it was a three bed and when they stopped they were in one room with their step sister and half sister.