SOCIAL SERVICES

[KiArA01]

okay, so a few days ago over the school holidays my 1 year old daughter hit my 4 year old in the face and cut his eye from her nails. My 4 year old has gone to school and they asked what had happened and he said daddy pushed me. Then he said punched. Then he said pushed again. The school then rang me and ask what happened and I explained that his sister hit him which caused the marks on his eye however yesterday (Monday) at the time I was cooking a big meal for my family with my partner and after being told multiple times to leave the kitchen as I’m in a flat and it’s dangerous for my son to be messing around near a hot cooker and hot pans he refused to leave so my partner raised his voice as we were very cautious we didn’t want my son to hurt himself and then my 4 year old started sweating at my partner and I said ‘don’t speak to your dad like that’ and my son replied ‘I hate you’ and my partner then had enough and he said this and went to go and put my son in his room for some time out however he ran off into the living room and tripped over the safety gate and my partner tried to grab the back on his clothes to stop him from falling which I think my son has took that as he’s pushed him as he couldn’t stop him falling in time. Now the school have rang social services and they have removed my partner from the house and said they are going to be having a meeting today with the police and school and possibly health worker to see what is needed. My partner had to sleep on a park bench last night as he had nowhere to go and my son has said this before and it got NFA’d as he was lying and my son has been telling me last night he was lying and 2 of his friends from school told him to say this. I’m unsure on what to do as it feels like the school are just out to get my partner as it’s not the first time my son has lied about something like this.
any advice would be much appreciated!

I see a lot of posters are kicking you while your down.

My daughter did something similar when she was a teenager, it was actually her brother who hit her, she claimed to school it was my partner. Police and social workers investigated and the truth came out. My daughter spent a night at my mums, they didn’t make my husband leave, but maybe that’s because she was a teenager.

Kids lie sadly, but I’m sure social services will see that, and the police.

In fact, I would turn this around and ask them directly for support in obtaining suitable accommodation and talking to camhs for you about getting your son seen sooner. They can do their investigation alongside.

There’s no need for the a b and cs, @BudgetBuster . I can follow paragraphs, thanks.

Shouting and swearing isn’t necessarily the norm for the family. Four year olds unfortunately hear all sorts of things at school especially if they don’t live in a very salubrious area.

Try support before judgement.

it is not hard.

I understand your position, It happened to us. My son has the tiniest mark on his face and school reported us to social services as he couldn't tell them what happened or said his dad did it (Not that he hit him just that dad did it - it was actually his sister) My husband was not to be left in a room with his son (This broke him). My son was interview by the police (he was terrified) and gave the police officer 5 different version on what had happened... They dropped the case within 2 weeks as they found no evidence and the social worker even sat in my house told me what a lovely home i had and there was no reason for them to ever have been there. It was the worst experience of my life iv never cried like that ever (Sobbing so much i could not speak). I now work with Social Services as part of there admin team - my best advise is do what they tell you (even if it is a parenting course) and be open and honest with them they appreciate this.. Fingers cross for you as it is a terrible experience. My mum was always the voice of reason and she had to be the one that told me abuse starts somewhere and yes we knew my husband would never hurt my son ever, Social Services dont know that as they dont know him..

I don't know what you can or cannot read, because you made up a fair few things in your first response to me.

Absolutely 4 year olds hear things out and about. As do we all... not sure what the area they live in has to do with it though. The 4yr old thought it suitable to respond to the adult by cursing and shouting because said adult was shouting at him first, because he was being a child and running around. It could have all been avoided had the children been supervised sufficiently.

The mother needs to understand why soxial services are looking into this, and needs to understand that her 4yr old (who potentially has additional needs) needs more support.

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. Stay calm and fully cooperate with social services, they have to take what children say seriously. Stick to the facts, don’t coach your son, and let professionals assess things. If you can, get legal advice or speak to a family support service for guidance. Focus on staying cooperative and child-focused.

In all the time I worked for social services only once was a father 'removed' from the home. It definitely isn't as simple as the op is making out. For starters what would have happened if they had just refused for him to leave?

And it isn't the first instance where the 4yr has made a claim (whether accurate or not, we don't know) of the mothers partner abusing him. So it really does need to be looked into.

he didn’t he fell and my partner tried to catch him by the back of his clothes but didn’t get him in time.
This does not sound good at all. Either your son was scared and tried to get away, hurting himself in the process or your dp harmed him intentionally.

Why does the dad have not a single friend or family member? Why does he not have the money for a travel lodge? Why did he sleep on a park bench, that’s just silly and dramatic.

yes I agree with others lots of details seem weird and I wouldn’t be surprised SS wanted to keep an eye on your children

OP did you actually see this bit or was this just based on what your partner said?

Why are the two of you repeatedly telling this 4 year old to get out the kitchen? Who was supervising your three young children? Why do you need two adults to cook a roast? It’s no wonder they’re hurting each other if they’re not being supervised. Why is your partner chasing your child? That sounds scary for him, even if he was misbehaving. Sounds like intervention could be beneficial as the situation sounds chaotic and stressful for a child.

I lied at school, I was very deeply unhappy at home.

Sounds like you are in what is classed as a chaotic family. If you cannot see having three kids in just over 4 years when the first partner was abusive isn’t an issue then you have a problem. I almost guarantee that your older child knows even subconsciously that he is not his real Dad. Plus babies and very small children that are still non verbal are affected by abuse however much people want to fool themselves they are not a witness to it or too little to understand.

Co operate fully, hope your partner is not abusive in any way. But depending on what you experienced I’m afraid your bar may be very low and you may not realise this.

Quite a leap you've taken there.

@KiArA01

I think you need to take a step back here, and look at your situation as a whole from the perspective of someone outside of it.

You had an abusive relationship which resulted in a baby which you got out of. But then you a very young baby when you started dating a new man, and immediately involved that man in your baby’s life. Then within a few years, you had 2 more kids. That was in a new relationship after leaving an abusive one and with a small baby already, you immediately had two more kids with a new man.

That alone is a huge worrying situation. I’m a single mum. I had two kids when my partner turned. He thought I was trapped at that point, so it started. Small at first when we brought the newborn home, and within 6 weeks he had shoved me down the stairs. I left and that was that. But I didn’t date for 8 years. When I did start dating, no one came anywhere near my kids. I met someone a few years ago which became serious. He met my kids after 18 months. That was 9 months ago. He doesn’t stay over when my kids are here, he isn’t never along with my kids. He is my boyfriend and they know him a little but he rally has nothing much to do with them. Because that’s not appropriate.

Do you see the difference here?

You keep saying you put your child first, but you simply didn’t. Moving a new boyfriend in so soon, having 2 new kids with a man you’d only been with for 5 minutes… you didn’t put your child first. Now your child is telling people he has been harmed. Look at this from an outside perspective.

Even your story doesn’t make much sense. You have a 4 year old, a toddler and a baby. But the two of you were in the kitchen… where were the little kids and who was watching them?

It sounds very much like you need SS help. You’ve made some very poor decisions, and your parenting looks like it needs support. I think you need to engage with the service, and you should enrol yourself in a parenting class. That’s not embarrassing or an insult. Everyone should do a parenting class in my opinion. But you need to look at the choices you’ve made and see why people on there outside might be questioning the situation.

I feel like so many people are just skipping past the massively concerning parts of the OPs posts and just going "oh it's fine, kids tell fibs all the time, I wouldn't worry about it!"

This whole situation sounds bloody awful for the kids involved, especially the 4 year old. Living in a cramped flat with mum and boyfriend and 2 babies, police and social services involvement when he's barely even started school, abusive dad...

Am I the only one that cant make any sense out what op is saying.

No sorry I dont but any of your story at all , you've never put your children first clearly otherwise you wouldn't have moved a new man in when your son was a baby and then had 2 more in a tiny flat ! You do not come across as a good parent at all

I understand her perfectly.

No, she probably didn’t get a degree from Oxford. Did you?

Do they call them Sunday roasts though?

I don’t think so, police and social services are involved here and they clearly think this man is hurting this little boy. They aren’t told to leave due to one instance of minor harm which can be explained by a fall. So there is much more of a back story here than is being said.

A four year old doesn’t do this for no reason. I don’t think it will be autism adhd you need to look into attachment disorder cos it reads way more as that and the behaviour and the fact it isn’t his dad would absolutely fit

and my son has been telling me last night he was lying and 2 of his friends from school told him to say this

Your DS is 4yo. You seriously believe his friends at school, presumably also 4yo, are compiling this sort of plot with him? You are bonkers.