SOCIAL SERVICES

[KiArA01]

okay, so a few days ago over the school holidays my 1 year old daughter hit my 4 year old in the face and cut his eye from her nails. My 4 year old has gone to school and they asked what had happened and he said daddy pushed me. Then he said punched. Then he said pushed again. The school then rang me and ask what happened and I explained that his sister hit him which caused the marks on his eye however yesterday (Monday) at the time I was cooking a big meal for my family with my partner and after being told multiple times to leave the kitchen as I’m in a flat and it’s dangerous for my son to be messing around near a hot cooker and hot pans he refused to leave so my partner raised his voice as we were very cautious we didn’t want my son to hurt himself and then my 4 year old started sweating at my partner and I said ‘don’t speak to your dad like that’ and my son replied ‘I hate you’ and my partner then had enough and he said this and went to go and put my son in his room for some time out however he ran off into the living room and tripped over the safety gate and my partner tried to grab the back on his clothes to stop him from falling which I think my son has took that as he’s pushed him as he couldn’t stop him falling in time. Now the school have rang social services and they have removed my partner from the house and said they are going to be having a meeting today with the police and school and possibly health worker to see what is needed. My partner had to sleep on a park bench last night as he had nowhere to go and my son has said this before and it got NFA’d as he was lying and my son has been telling me last night he was lying and 2 of his friends from school told him to say this. I’m unsure on what to do as it feels like the school are just out to get my partner as it’s not the first time my son has lied about something like this.
any advice would be much appreciated!

Sorry but none of this makes any sense
your DP is being removed from the house after this one incident?!
your four year old is swearing and lying - does he have any identified issues
is your partner his dad?
it all sounds very chaotic and unhappy for everyone

It’s happened before my son lied about the same thing and it was NFA’d but social have said yes it’s necessary due to it being ‘physical abuse’ we are currently going through ADHD and Autism assessments for my son. It’s not his biological dad however he’s been his dad since he was 6 months old so he knows no one different

Your son lied about his dad assaulting him twice? I'm sorry I don't think you're telling the truth. It would be extremely unusual for a 4 year old to consistently and believably lie about being hurt by a parent on more than one occasion.

It sounds like your family needs more support as your son sounds very unhappy and the lying is extremely worrying. Where’s he heard swearing that at 4 years old he’s copying it?! What discussions are such small children having that he’s claiming friends told him to lie?

Step dads/mum’s boyfriends are known to be a massive risk to children, you know that, and he’s had two visible injuries in a short space of time so you can see why they’re taking it seriously.

Sleeping on a park bench is very dramatic, what’s the plan now?

Not his dad. Which is presumably one of the huge red flags.

i know someone whose child did this repeatedly, telling lies about how mum had harmed them in ways which would be physically impossible. i don't have much advice other than to cooperate with social services and try to get your son some MH support. the child i am referring to turned out to have oppositional defiant disorder.

Why would I lie? I wouldn’t put my son at risk ever. My partner wouldn’t be here if that was the case. The things me and my siblings used to say as a kid is ridiculous.

stargirl27. Atleast you understand. Since having my daughter and son my oldest has been doing anything. I think it might be attention.

There are too many holes in story. First the cut happened in the holidays and then it was Monday. School legally have to report concerns to SS. School aren’t out to get you. They’re job is to protect and educate your child. They will want the best for your child.

I think you need to wise up and start putting your child first.

OP, your children are very young and you seem to have a relatively new partner who's living with you.
Is he the father of your youngest?
Could your son be feeling pushed out and acting up for attention from you?

These are all totally normal incidents (apart from the swearing 😳 whose 4 year old swears or has even heard swear words? Is that from your partner?).

My dc have had all these things happen many times. One of mine lost 4 wobbly teeth (not on the same day, they were all wobbly and about to fall out from her little brother head butting her in the face!). We have never had social services involvement ever. I think they are right that all of this needs investigating. It sounds like an unusually reactive and combative environment for small children from what you have described.

Your partner was removed from your home and is sleeping on a park bench because he told your 4 year old to be careful in the kitchen?!

Obviously I don't know you or your family, and I totally understand why the school/SS have raised concerns based on what they have been told by a child. Just wanted to also make clear things are not always as black and white as some posters seem to think.

Regarding the child I was referring to in my PP, I believe the issues there also began when their younger sibling was born.

Even I’m worried about your children reading this op. It sounds unrealistic, why would you tell a small child repeatedly to leave the room, why wouldn’t one of you take them to another room and play with them. And your son is being repeatedly hurt.

Honestly I always put my children first. Always have done. I have been with my partner 4 years now and my son always has known him as dad. We’re in a very small flat and he cannot do anything he wants to do like you would in a normal house which is what I have been told by a lot of professionals. My partner is the father of my 2 other children however he is known as dad to my eldest as he’s been with us since my son was 6 months old. The cut happened in the holidays and on Monday was where my son said he got pushed but he didn’t he fell and my partner tried to catch him by the back of his clothes but didn’t get him in time.

I completely understand I do but I don’t know how much more I can tell them the same things it’s like they are wanting me to say yes he did it when I witnessed what happened and told them. I’m just unsure on what I can do.

What professionals?

Social services themselves. Health visitors. School. Police. I’m unsure on what I can do. I’m trying to get a bigger place however there isn’t much around where I am so all I can do is bod and that’s what I’ve been doing.

Does no part of yoh feel concern about a 4 year old repeatedly lying about being assaulted, saying he hates you to your partner, swearing, being repeatedly hurt, about your partner having enough and going to remove him, and your child running away, I assume in fear, and that’s why he fell if that’s what happened, that neither of you thought to take the child out the room and play with them, that your home poses a risk if your at the cooker cooking.

hes 4 years old. He relies on you for protection. If it feels like you can’t do this and this child is struggling or being hurt then of course social services will be involved,

they will likely want to speak to your child directly if they haven't already

Honestly I always put my children first. Always have done.

You moved another man into your place as soon as you'd had a baby (with someone else) and then proceeded to have two more children in the next 3 years? In a small flat?!

No, sorry but you absolutely haven't put your children first at all. You've put yourself and your need for a man first.

Because we were cooking a Sunday roast and I had my hands in making the Yorkshire puddings and my partner was draining the water from the vegetables? I don’t know what more I can say. My partner wouldn’t dare lay a finger on my children!

and in the short space of time it took to do that your child was repeatedly told to leave, started swearing, and your partner decided to remove them and your child ran away and got hurt.

nexy time one of you care for the kids, the other cook.

I'm sorry OP but what you're saying doesn't make sense and I'd hazard a guess SS don't believe you either.

Your partner needs to stay elsewhere for the minute until things are sorted. Your child is saying some pretty disturbing things and needs to be got to the bottom of.

His biological dad was abusive. I went through everything to stop him hurting me or my son. So why would I ever let someone else do that! I wouldn’t!! He’s my first baby and always will be my baby and he knows that.