SOCIAL SERVICES

[KiArA01]

okay, so a few days ago over the school holidays my 1 year old daughter hit my 4 year old in the face and cut his eye from her nails. My 4 year old has gone to school and they asked what had happened and he said daddy pushed me. Then he said punched. Then he said pushed again. The school then rang me and ask what happened and I explained that his sister hit him which caused the marks on his eye however yesterday (Monday) at the time I was cooking a big meal for my family with my partner and after being told multiple times to leave the kitchen as I’m in a flat and it’s dangerous for my son to be messing around near a hot cooker and hot pans he refused to leave so my partner raised his voice as we were very cautious we didn’t want my son to hurt himself and then my 4 year old started sweating at my partner and I said ‘don’t speak to your dad like that’ and my son replied ‘I hate you’ and my partner then had enough and he said this and went to go and put my son in his room for some time out however he ran off into the living room and tripped over the safety gate and my partner tried to grab the back on his clothes to stop him from falling which I think my son has took that as he’s pushed him as he couldn’t stop him falling in time. Now the school have rang social services and they have removed my partner from the house and said they are going to be having a meeting today with the police and school and possibly health worker to see what is needed. My partner had to sleep on a park bench last night as he had nowhere to go and my son has said this before and it got NFA’d as he was lying and my son has been telling me last night he was lying and 2 of his friends from school told him to say this. I’m unsure on what to do as it feels like the school are just out to get my partner as it’s not the first time my son has lied about something like this.
any advice would be much appreciated!

No, you're not. I'm struggling with it too.

Why would the school be "out to get" anyone?

If you’re in a tiny flat why would you choose to have two more children? Three kids under 4 is incredibly hard work, especially in that kind of environment.

Its all quite odd isnt it. He doesn't have a single person in his live who would let him sleep on their sofa.

More than one on here as said the same as me.
It has nothing to do with uni or degrees.

what an absolutely dreadful thing to say to a mother in a stressful situation. You should be ashamed of yourself.

OP, it sounds like there is probably more going on than we’ve heard here, whether you’re intentionally leaving stuff out or not. My advice would be to try and take any feelings you have for your partner, and any feelings of being afraid to be alone with 3 kids, out of the equation, and ask yourself if you think there’s anything that could cause your son to say these things. We can’t help there.

but I can say that my mother in law raised my husband and 2 siblings alone after SS involvement and even though I’m sure it was terrifying and very hard, she now has 3 children who adore and respect her and who are all so grateful that she did what she could to keep them safe.

I hope you are able to get some clarity here. And please ignore posters commenting on who you are as a parent based on a few lines on a forum.

Your partner would have been advised to leave by social services whilst this is all investigated. He will need to arrange to stay somewhere else until that's concluded, because that how social services prove that you are safeguarding your child. I'm sure he must be able to find somewhere other than a park bench as it won't be solved overnight.

And more than one can follow just fine.

I am genuinely not having any trouble following what is being said. It isn’t a piece of writing that is likely to make the guardian shortlist but then neither are most posts on here.

OP, believe your son, or in the future he will never forgive you.

Christ some (scarily quite a lot) seem to have severe reading comprehension problems re the OP!

keep your head down and just work with ss op. Ignore the people who clearly can't even read.

Do you have a baby gate on the kitchen doors?

If not, get one!

Are both your children supervised in another room whilst you or your partner does the cooking?

When cooking - 1 person should be doing it. With a baby gate on the door. The other adult should be in another room supervising both children.

A 4yo isn’t mature enough to be left alone with a 1yo whilst you and your partner are both busy cooking. That is irresponsible parenting.

Did you see this trip over the baby gate happen? Presumably you didn't as you were busy with the roast?

I may be wrong but it does read like you're sanitising the story in your OP, to be honest. You talk about raising your voice as you were concerned he would hurt himself - does this mean, both yelled at him to get out of the kitchen? Then you say your partner said he'd had enough - assuming he shouted this too? Then he went to go and put son in time out - maybe so, but from your son's POV, does this mean he was shouting, angry, and then suddenly went towards your son and thus frightened him? That would have frightened many adults tbh.

I'm not condemning the shouting as such, we all know it's not good to shout but I'm sure we've all done it in panicked or stressed moments. Nobody's perfect. I'm just saying that, if the above is true, you might get further by being honest and upfront i.e. yes he did shout, he did scare DS, he didn't mean it, how can we move on from this etc.

I’m concerned about where the other kids were, either they were alone and unsupervised elsewhere, or they were with their parents and this little boy was being excluded and told to go and sit on his own away from the rest of the family.

child cruelty is seldom just physical.

Also lol at people asking why two parents were in the kitchen. It's utterly bizarre that anyone thinks two parents can't dish up dinner for a few mins. I suppose someone will be along shortly to tell me they never leave their 1 yo in a safe room whilst they answer the door, fill a water bottle, go to the toilet and in fact carry them around everywhere.

there are three young children, I think stop lolling and read the ops posts maybe?

Did you read the OP?? It literally mentions the baby gate.

Sounds like a very dysfunctional family so it's a good thing social services are involved.

I have a four year old and there's no way he would swear let alone in an angry context like you've said.

I hope social services make the right call for the wellbeing of the children.

I did read the OP, but obviously missed the baby gate reference due to struggling with the poor punctuation and lack of paragraphs in the text.

My point still stands that one adult should have been doing to cooking and the other adult should have been in another room supervising the young children.

I have. The response is insane with people literally making shit up.

you moved a man in a few months ago? No
you have 4 kids? No
do you have a baby gate - 🤦🏼‍♀️

The school don't have it 'in' for you or your partner. You son has disclosed two separate incidents to a member of staff, that he's been physically assaulted by your partner. Rightly so, the school have reported these incidents to SS. Safeguarding of children is taken seriously in schools nowadays.

It's SS responsibility to decide if your partner is a risk to your children or not. At 4 years old, your son wouldn't understand that telling the school his step-Dad pushed him, would result in him being asked to stay away. I'd find it difficult to believe that a 4 year old would be capable of manipulation.

Did you see your partner grab your son's clothing, to try and stop him from falling over the stairs gate? Or is this what your partner told you happened? Both are two very different things.

Your son sounds a very unhappy little boy. Repeatedly lying, is a sign that all is not well with your son. Your son shouldn't be hearing swear words, to repeat them. So whoever in your home is swearing, needs to stop or use more appropriate words instead. If your son does have Autism or ADHD, then it's possible he struggles with rules and authority.

You need to cooperate with SS. They may be able to offer support and possibly help with a housing referral.

Did you read the OP where she said the one year old has already injured the 4 year old? There are three very young children in this house. No way should they be unsupervised together at all, especially not for a task which can be done by one adult.

But what you said was you were loling about two parents not able to dish uo dinner. I pointed out there were 3 young kids, and clearly no when three of 4 and under and the issues that arose, one needed to be present.

and quite frankly laughing on a thread like this is deeply inappropriate

Your decision making with your life sounds all off. You seem to be putting your needs and your boyfriend's needs before the children. Why is your 4 year old swearing. Are you sure they havent picked it from the home.

Five of you in a small flat is an accident waiting to happen.

This sounds awful for you all, so sorry to hear it

Whatever is actually going on here, there’s two small children who might be at risk. It’s not the first time a SS has been made regarding their safeguarding needs in connection with the DP.

You either choose your DP and lose your kids, or you prioritise the children and DP lives elsewhere.

You make your decision and review it when the investigation is complete.

Child was in kitchen the wrong side of gate.

"he ran off into the living room and tripped over the safety gate"

Was safety gate open or closed?