SOCIAL SERVICES

[KiArA01]

okay, so a few days ago over the school holidays my 1 year old daughter hit my 4 year old in the face and cut his eye from her nails. My 4 year old has gone to school and they asked what had happened and he said daddy pushed me. Then he said punched. Then he said pushed again. The school then rang me and ask what happened and I explained that his sister hit him which caused the marks on his eye however yesterday (Monday) at the time I was cooking a big meal for my family with my partner and after being told multiple times to leave the kitchen as I’m in a flat and it’s dangerous for my son to be messing around near a hot cooker and hot pans he refused to leave so my partner raised his voice as we were very cautious we didn’t want my son to hurt himself and then my 4 year old started sweating at my partner and I said ‘don’t speak to your dad like that’ and my son replied ‘I hate you’ and my partner then had enough and he said this and went to go and put my son in his room for some time out however he ran off into the living room and tripped over the safety gate and my partner tried to grab the back on his clothes to stop him from falling which I think my son has took that as he’s pushed him as he couldn’t stop him falling in time. Now the school have rang social services and they have removed my partner from the house and said they are going to be having a meeting today with the police and school and possibly health worker to see what is needed. My partner had to sleep on a park bench last night as he had nowhere to go and my son has said this before and it got NFA’d as he was lying and my son has been telling me last night he was lying and 2 of his friends from school told him to say this. I’m unsure on what to do as it feels like the school are just out to get my partner as it’s not the first time my son has lied about something like this.
any advice would be much appreciated!

Where did your FOUR year old learn to swear?

however he ran off into the living room and tripped over the safety gate and my partner tried to grab the back on his clothes to stop him from falling which I think my son has took that as he’s pushed him as he couldn’t stop him falling in time

So you couldn't see, and therefore do not know what happened.
But choose to not believe a 4 year old child. Twice.
Thank heavens Social Services are involved.

I'm sorry you're getting a hard time about your choice of wording here OP. It's really not relevant.

I would say you need to fully engage with SS and be truthful. Four year old lies are normally of the tall tale type - so, I saw a dog with purple eyes type, not, my dad pushed me. I'm not saying it necessarily means anything, it might well just be that is his interpretation of what happened.

Obviously you could do things better - with three young kids in the house, you shouldn't have two of you dealing with dinner. And if your partner has no friends or family that would let him bunk with them for one night, that makes me wonder why?

Did you see your son fall over the stair gate? Is it possible your partner lost his temper and shoved him? Why would the school be out to get your partner? Why does a four year old know swear words. What a sad situation.

Why did he sleep on a park bench? I find it concerning he has nowhere to go for the night - friend? Family? Hotel?

OP you’ve had a hard time here. It sounds as though your DS version of events is truthful- he thinks his dad pushed him. Dad was trying to prevent an injury but that was your sons interpretation of events.
It’s normal when there is an injury for SS to have a strategy meeting. It is also normal that the person who has the allegations made against them to be asked not to remain in the home while investigations take place.
You could ask that your son has a medical or SS may request this. This will be a positive as it will help professionals to understand where the injury has come from
My advice is to say open minded, not to see or brand your son as a liar and to fully cooperate with the process.

I wonder why a family living in a small flat why lots of little children might not be able to stretch to a hotel.

And as we can see here there is a lot of judgement so I can understand the reluctance to involve friends and family.

It is always worth keeping an open mind - ‘it could happen here’ is relevant in the home as well as in schools etc.

But the laying into the OP for living in a flat, for cooking and not being with the children as she did so, for her child swearing - is really not on.

Where does it say she couldn't see? She's literally described what happened as she saw it.

I actually think she needed to hear a lot of what was said, if only to make her sit down and actually think about her choices and try to do better in the future. You really can’t sit there and pretend that the choices that have been made here are all that great. And it is the 4 year old who is now suffering, not necessarily from any abuse from step dad but from his lifestyle because 4 year olds don’t learn to swear all on their own. This is a child who needs help because if the behaviour and choices of his mum.

Your partner needs to find somewhere as chances are this will be for a few months if they decide to complete family assessments and parenting assessments because they are going to be properly looking into this

Yes, of course you did, because unfortunately a lot of people think that being young and poor is a good enough reason to speak home truths and lecture at length about everything that is wrong in their life.

But it isn’t actually relevant. People will make different decisions to you and not everyone will parent in the same way. A lot of people will not parent in the way you will, or I do, and you can have your own views about that but where SS are concerned it’s abuse and / or neglect and the bar for both are extremely high.

The school were right to report it and SS right to take it seriously. However, the OP has done nothing wrong here; she has removed her partner from the home and she is as far as I can see cooperating with everything SS want, which is right and is hopefully how she will get through it one way or another.

Opinions on where she lives or her sons language are by the by and besides, he could easily have picked that up in school.

I am the stepmother to the child of a woman who had one child, brought her up in a chaotic manner and then proceeded to have multiple more when she could not handle the first - now they are all messed up. Get a grip. There is more to this than you are saying. Your child at the very least has unmet needs and is not in a home
suitable to his needs. You need to step up and put everything into making him feel safe, loved and secure. Stop having children now.

makes the 2 of us!

I think your child swearing could be a red flag as I’ve never come across a 4 year old who does that. It likely suggests their home life isn’t the most stable.

Why oh why do women keep having children they can not afford with multiple ‘partners’ ?
Moving a new man in when your baby was 6 months old, then in 3 and a half years there’s two more children? Yet you live in a tiny flat but keep having children.
There’s no way I want to go back to pre 1970 when women had to give up their children for adoption because they couldn’t afford them but Jesus wept - contraception is free. Children are NOT free to bring up.
If you can’t afford to house them adequately then you cant afford them.
The poor child is probably utterly overwhelmed every minute of the day. No safe quiet space, no privacy, no garden to run about in - but a crowded noisy flat where babies keep appearing.
I’m not surprised he’s struggling.
The fact that your partner has neither a family member nor a friend to offer him a bed is hugely worrying.
There’s more red flags than at a Chinese parade.

@KiArA01 Work with social services who are clearly concerned about your child. You could be so busy looking after the babies you keep having that you haven’t noticed how your son is struggling. If you love him as much as you say you will work with them. And for gods sake, get a contraceptive implant.

"this situation" being smaller than average living accommodation?
Op hasn't said whether they've always lived in the flat. Maybe they had to move there due to a change in financial situation, there could be all.aoets of reasons by someone lives in a small flat with kids. Thing is, it isn't the issue she's asking for advice about, so why dwell on it.

Exactly my point.

It is part of the issue though as she is claiming the 4yrs behaviour stems from living in such a small apartment and nit having space.

It isn't the main focus of the post, she is asking for advice about social services being involved, hence it being titled Social Services.
Also some people are framing it as "why have you had 3 children if you live in a flat". It's not the point or any of their privileged business

A child behaving poorly is not an issue for SS.

I didn't say anything about SS... you are actually forever making things up.

I didn't say anything about SS... you are actually forever making things up.

The title of the thread is SS. I was responding to that

But you were implying I mentioned SS... I did not.

I was responding to a post about the issue (I.e. the child's behaviour and lying as the OP states) and how the OP herself has said that the 4yr olds behaviour somewhat stems from the lack of space in the home.

But you were implying I mentioned SS... I did not.

I was responding to a post about the issue (I.e. the child's behaviour and lying as the OP states) and how the OP herself has said that the 4yr olds behaviour somewhat stems from the lack of space in the home.