SOCIAL SERVICES

[KiArA01]

okay, so a few days ago over the school holidays my 1 year old daughter hit my 4 year old in the face and cut his eye from her nails. My 4 year old has gone to school and they asked what had happened and he said daddy pushed me. Then he said punched. Then he said pushed again. The school then rang me and ask what happened and I explained that his sister hit him which caused the marks on his eye however yesterday (Monday) at the time I was cooking a big meal for my family with my partner and after being told multiple times to leave the kitchen as I’m in a flat and it’s dangerous for my son to be messing around near a hot cooker and hot pans he refused to leave so my partner raised his voice as we were very cautious we didn’t want my son to hurt himself and then my 4 year old started sweating at my partner and I said ‘don’t speak to your dad like that’ and my son replied ‘I hate you’ and my partner then had enough and he said this and went to go and put my son in his room for some time out however he ran off into the living room and tripped over the safety gate and my partner tried to grab the back on his clothes to stop him from falling which I think my son has took that as he’s pushed him as he couldn’t stop him falling in time. Now the school have rang social services and they have removed my partner from the house and said they are going to be having a meeting today with the police and school and possibly health worker to see what is needed. My partner had to sleep on a park bench last night as he had nowhere to go and my son has said this before and it got NFA’d as he was lying and my son has been telling me last night he was lying and 2 of his friends from school told him to say this. I’m unsure on what to do as it feels like the school are just out to get my partner as it’s not the first time my son has lied about something like this.
any advice would be much appreciated!

OP if you were a teacher and one of your 4yo littlies told you their dad had punched them in the face you would be following the procedure of your school. Its not being out to get someone because a referral has been made.

When DD was 3 she told nursery daddy had pushed her, she had a bruise on her head from her coffee table climbing habit.
They called me and I explained that DH had picked her up and removed her from the coffee table, she then bumped her head.
Accidents happen but I said if they needed to speak to the SS duty team I would understand. It wasn’t needed but I had a very good relationship with the staff. You saying school are out to get your partner is very telling about your opinion of the staff tbh.
Work with everyone involved.

Mine used to throw themself out the front door and say they were pushed. Every. Bloody. Day.

Autistic. Some demand avoidance.

The other told tall tales at school and about school. Thankfully imaginative enough to be unbelievable. Also autistic.

It's really difficult because four year olds are not reliable witnesses but it can't just be dismissed.

They do have to check these things out though. It's hard, if you've not done anything, to feel so judged.

From years on the special needs circuit, autism is not well understood by social services from listening to other parents. If you suspect you might be autistic as well go for a diagnosis asap. (Ok it's a long wait but get the ball rolling)

In the meantime you need to let the process run it's course.

A) I never said that the living situation would be on SS radar (so no need to make things up @Revoltingpheasants )... But the OP has blamed the conditions to contributing to her 4yr olds behaviour and needing more space.. but instead of focusing on that she's had multiple children in quick succession. I never mentioned money either 🙄

B) IMO, 3 children aged between 1 and 4 should absolutely be supervised somewhat or at least put out of harms way (instead of being allowed run around a kitchen) if there are 2 adults present. It's common sense. Yiu mention a TV, but clearly the 4yr old wasn't watching TV.

C) I was more so pointing toward the fact that shouting and swearing is clearly the norm for this family. The non biological parent shouts at a child to get out and the child shouts and swears back. Sound like this is not their first rodeo!

D) I'm unsure why you are unsure of what I am sure of 😂

She's been with her partner since the 4 year old was 6 months old. That's not relatively new. Sounds like the kid is attention seeking. Jealous of the 1 year old maybe?

I think you should engage with social services and respond to their plans positively. There is clearly as issue with your 4 year old DC. Let SS and the school do their job to give you all some support for your family. If your DP has done nothing wrong then the truth will come out. If you get overly defensive and angry they will perhaps assume you have something to hide.

STOP having child after child in a small flat with a new partner and a child who clearly has issues. That would be a good start.

Also who was looking after the other two kids when the two of you focused on cooking and repeatedly told the 4 year old to leave. Where were they? Was this child being told to leave and sit in a room on his own?

The second reply on the thread is the OP saying he is not.

This.
But these people just carry on regardless, while claiming they put their children first. You don’t bring children into this sort of chaos if you are truly putting them first.

Sorry, but a man doesn't get booted out of his home because a 4yo (notoriously unreliable) said he pushed him. Even more so when you then presumably gave a very reasonable and likely version of events.
There has to be more to it than this.

This is all quite strange OP. Kids fall and injure themselves all the time, skinned knees, bruises to legs, the odd scratch on their forehead etc are all common in 4 year olds and wouldn’t necessarily raise alarm bells unless there was other red flags, so I find it difficult to believe that a small scratch by your description (not a bruise to the face or black eye) and a fall (what injury did this cause which caused school to question him about it?) would result in the actions taken if there wasn’t more to this.

Your 4 year old swears? 😳

🙄 Such an insightful comment. Not. If you don't have anything useful to contribute just scroll past.

Bloody hell.

That poor boy.

On my occasional 'draconian dictator' days, I wish people had to pass classes and a basic IQ test before being able to have children.

If this is what 'putting my babies' first looks like I'd shudder to see what op classes being a bad mother as.

Social services and the school are doing exactly what they need / should do.
You'll be fine if nothing bad is happening at home.

But it IS useful. Have lots of kids in a small flat with nowhere to escape each other or burn off excess energy, and there is already a lot of chaos, is a recipe for disaster.

Your partner and your set up sound problematic.

Best to cooperate with school and ss.

Your dc come first in all this.

I agree. I also don’t believe the story.

Why did you need two people making dinner?

Why did you leave a one year old and a four year old completely unsupervised?

That is absolutely bad parenting.

You call him his dad then go on to say you introduced a stranger/man to a six month old baby. That's a red flag all of its own, and on top of the DC's accusations it make it abundantly clear why SS are being involved.

OP, the most dangerous time for a child is when a step-father enters their life, so it's natural that social services are concerned.

People aren't being judgemental, they are just putting the child first.

Sounds like you have a very unhappy 4 year old. Whatever happens, moving forward, you need to create a more nurturing safe environment for your children.
Why on earth were both of you cooking with a 1 yr old and a 4 yr old?? They need full supervision.

I suggest working WITH social services and accept you've got issues with your parenting. Four year olds generally don't lie for attention unless they're living in utter carnage.

and my partner then had enough and he said this and went to go and put my son in his room for some time out however he ran off into the living room and tripped over the safety gate and my partner tried to grab the back on his clothes to stop him from falling which I think my son has took that as he’s pushed him as he couldn’t stop him falling in time.

So you didn't actually see whether your son fell or was pushed?

Sounds like you have more children than you can look after or have room for. This alone will be of concern to social services. Rightly so.