SOCIAL SERVICES

[KiArA01]

okay, so a few days ago over the school holidays my 1 year old daughter hit my 4 year old in the face and cut his eye from her nails. My 4 year old has gone to school and they asked what had happened and he said daddy pushed me. Then he said punched. Then he said pushed again. The school then rang me and ask what happened and I explained that his sister hit him which caused the marks on his eye however yesterday (Monday) at the time I was cooking a big meal for my family with my partner and after being told multiple times to leave the kitchen as I’m in a flat and it’s dangerous for my son to be messing around near a hot cooker and hot pans he refused to leave so my partner raised his voice as we were very cautious we didn’t want my son to hurt himself and then my 4 year old started sweating at my partner and I said ‘don’t speak to your dad like that’ and my son replied ‘I hate you’ and my partner then had enough and he said this and went to go and put my son in his room for some time out however he ran off into the living room and tripped over the safety gate and my partner tried to grab the back on his clothes to stop him from falling which I think my son has took that as he’s pushed him as he couldn’t stop him falling in time. Now the school have rang social services and they have removed my partner from the house and said they are going to be having a meeting today with the police and school and possibly health worker to see what is needed. My partner had to sleep on a park bench last night as he had nowhere to go and my son has said this before and it got NFA’d as he was lying and my son has been telling me last night he was lying and 2 of his friends from school told him to say this. I’m unsure on what to do as it feels like the school are just out to get my partner as it’s not the first time my son has lied about something like this.
any advice would be much appreciated!

@BudgetBuster i actually wasn’t implying anything but can’t you see this is the very thing I’m taking issue with; you ‘haven’t mentioned social services’ yet you have posted numerous times on a thread about social services.

You (and others) have posted critiquing the OPs living arrangements, number of children, cooking food while her children were in another room and her child’s behaviour. If the OP had needed advice on this then quite honestly the replies would still not be helpful; people need constructive and honest advice but just lambasting them with ‘well why did you’ type posts is never helpful really. But the point is she wasn’t asking about these things. And most key, SS are not involved because of food or swearing or space - it’s the allegation against the partner and it’s that the OP will need to deal with one way or another.

Where did I criticise the child's behaviour?

100% the chaotic lifestyle the OP has imposed on her children should be a major red flag. I won't apologise fir not being blind to that. Someone needs to tell the OP so she cops on and puts her existing children first.

Don’t nitpick. You have been critical of the OP throughout the thread and you have used her thread as an opportunity to criticise her. The exact nature of that criticism is not important.

It doesn’t matter if you are blind to it or not. SS will not intervene because someone has more children than MN think the should in a small living environment with more than one partner; they just won’t. And so it is helping no one to loftily observe that it is ‘a red flag.’ It isn’t, and it doesn’t matter if it is, it isn’t worthy of SS intervention.

It’s because OP referred to the small flat, on a couple of occasions.

There’s something you’re not sharing, here OP.

Not important.

People live in small homes; it may not be what you would choose to do or I would choose to do, but it is not something that in itself warrants any input from SS.

So you’re a partner to someone who seems to have allowed this to happen then? What was his role?

Being young and poor is not the issue. I was an unmarried mother of 2 by 23, who fled an abusive relationship. Do you think I was rolling in it?

I was young and poor and a mother. I did not bring a new man into my 6 month old’s life, I didn’t then have 2 more children with this man who I’d known for 5 minutes in a house that didn’t fit them all. My 4 year old did not run around swearing and doing all these bad behaviour which are indicative of a very chaotic home life.

The OP had made some very poor choices. Being young and poor is not a reason for that. I was young and poor.

The choices she have made very much call out for SS involvement, for her kids’ sake. And she needs to fully engage with that service to get out of the hole they are in.

Yes, you’re clearly one of the deserving poor.

Not important. SS do not get involved because children swear and they do not get involved because someone has children you think they should not have.

I absolutely have been critical of the OP. 100%, I have. I have not once said that social services would look into or be concerned about any of those items though.

However, Social services are involved now. They will now look at the entire picture which ultimately will now include living arrangements, the OPs relationship (and whatever reason prompted them to request her partner leave the famkly home), the OP and her partners ability to keep the children safe, the schools concerns, the OPs concerns about her sons potential additional needs.

Social services will close the case if nothing is untoward (which the OP claims, let's hope she's correct). They might also refer for additional supports which could benefit the OP, particularly if the 4yr old does have any additional needs.

Hotel fair enough, totally get that. But family or friends?

And I wasn't criticising the OP. I was questioning the partner (with maybe a hint of criticism toward him).

EDIT: and thinking about couples who I know, or have known, and which of them wouldn't have any friends or family to go to (even if they were too embarrassed to tell the truth to them and had to make something up). I can think of exactky 3 people off the top of my head - all men, 1 being my abusive ex, and the other 2 being the abusuve exes of friends.

His child was taken away to various overseas countries and he didn’t know where they were. By the time they reappeared child was so traumatised and attached to mum she’d wet herself at overnight visits. So minimal. He should probably have done more to get them back but also that costs a lot of money - one family I know fighting mother for custody in overseas move spent £200k. I don’t think he has covered himself in glory tbh, but also mum has fucked up big time. The idea you can live outside of social norms and then expect some sort of special treatment when it inevitably goes tits up is not reasonable imo. Reap what you sow.

This must be devastating for you all however, the professionals are acting correct and you should follow along with any requests or suggestions.

You know your home, we don't and nor do the professionals yet which is why they have to make drastic first steps. Too many children get missed because they aren't believed and this often ends in lifelong trauma or much worse.

As someone who who has worked in both social care and schools and I have nd children, age 4 is very young to be making the claims your son has about someone he should love as a father,and saying things such as he hates him, he definitely needs some kind of help hopefully things resolve for you all and ss give whatever help is needed.

I'm sorry but she seems more focused on the fact that school and social services are apparently "out to get her boyfriend". They're not out to get him they're doing their jobs. How many complaints and accusations do we see against social services that they've failed some poor child who really needed them then we've got her on here moaning about them actually carrying out their duties. I mean come on her four year old is apparently being coerced by other four year olds to make up lies about his stepdad yet she acts like this is pretty normal behaviour for him. Just because they apparently found him to be telling porkies last time and they took no further action. Then another accusations pops up well of course they're going to look into the family and find that this child has accused his stepdad before of hitting him so they absolutely have to check out that concern also. Little bit weird that in four years of being with him if he's such a great guy that he has not got one single friend who would take him in when social services ordered him to leave the family home whilst they do their investigation. Where's his family? Or did he just find a gullible new single mummy and showered her with attention to get a roof over his head?

The story doesn't make a huge amount of sense, but I will say this.

My son (2 or 3 years old at the time) once walked behind me in the kitchen. I was stretching for something on a shelf and, as I lowered back down, my heel (wearing socks) lowered onto his foot. He later told my wife that 'daddy stamped on me'.

Another time when he was attending nursery at the local infant school he was playing with dice at home and said 'roll it like a n***'. I've never even heard that expression in my life and he certainly didn't hear that kind of language in our house, so he must have heard it in nursery class (I can guess which child was responsible and her father is now in prison).

Children aren't always reliable narrators and they do pick up bad language outside the home.