Called into school for a meeting

[JewelMonkey]

My 16yr old DS seems to mess around in one of his classes. DS doesn’t get on with the teacher who apparently shouts and looses his temper at the drop of a hat. DS is low level disruptive - messing around with his friend, laughing, sat with his coat on as he was cold etc. He has never, ever been higher level disruptive- no getting angry, no violence or aggression etc, it’s all just petty things. I don’t think DS has any respect for the teacher due to how he acts, and presumably the teacher doesn’t respect DS either. I have had numerous e-mails home from the deputy head regarding laughing in this class and being ‘silly’, I’ve now been asked to attend school for a face to face meeting with the deputy head.

I’ve discussed this with DS so many times, I’ve asked him to toe the line in class like he does in all his other classes. I’ve suggested to the depute that he is moved away from his friend in this class, but still the silliness continues. He is great in all other classes - his teachers know him well, he’s charismatic, funny, loyal and hardworking, he also has funny banter with his teachers, but this one new teacher just looses his mind at the slightest little thing. DS is deflated and doesn’t see the point in trying in this class as the teacher will just pull him up on anything and everything.

how do I handle the school face to face meeting? DS absolutely should be toeing the line, but he is 16 and can be immature- but I don’t feel he’s being badly behaved.

The issue you have here is that you aren't in the room at the time when these issues are occurring with the teacher. I work in a school (Primary) and can tell you from experience that children, regardless of their age, lie and exaggerate situations. I'm including my own son, who is 15, in this statement too, as he can be overly dramatic. You need to be speaking to the teacher involved here, either with the Duty Head or afterwards to gain a broader perspective. Yes, it could be a personality clash, but your son at 16 needs to learn that he's going to meet people in life he doesn't gel with or completely dislikes. That's part and parcel of life. Is he going to be disrespectful to an employer or a colleague because he doesn't like them much? If he does, he'll be out on his arse! Of course there are some poor teachers, not everyone is cut out for the job. Why can't your son go into his lesson and simply behave??!! He might not like this teacher, and if he's a disruptive idiot in the lesson, I doubt the teacher enjoys him being in the class either. However, he needs to put aside his personal opinion of the teacher and learn the subject he's chosen to take! Once school is over, he doesn't have to see this teacher again, but for now, he needs to suck it up! He's 16, not a toddler, incapable of understanding the consequences of his actions. Go into this meeting, with an open mind and work together with the school to help your son. If his behaviour continues he'll start being removed from the lesson, and that won't be good.

Were you in the room?

I doubt very much the teacher yelled, ranted and screamed at him because there were not enough laptops to go around.

Sorry OP but your son sound like an absolute little twat and a nightmare in class. He needs to grow up.

It’s all just petty things.

I'm sure the parents of the children who's education your son is disrupting also agree with that sentiment.

At 16, your son needs to grow up. I'd expect that behaviour from a toddler, not from someone who is technically old enough to join the army and likely less than a year away from driving.

Hmm, I wonder what the social dynamic is like in that class. Is he sitting beside kids who bother him and then he responds and he's the one who ends up looking like the troublemaker! Or is he just getting the opportunity to have a laugh with a friend sitting beside him away from the teacher. There's probably a good reason for it somewhere

Absolutely shocking that you're so casual and blasé about your DS taking away precious learning time from other students in the class due to his 'low-level disruption'. He should do everyone a favour and drop the subject.

Sorry but you sound like you're making way too many excuses for DS's very immature behaviour, here. You only have his word for what has been happening so I wouldn't go marching into school with the attitude you've shown here.

If he is 16 he is either in year 11 or 12 - both incredibly important years and an age at which he is way too old to be laughing/messing with mates/wearing his coat etc. That's year 7 behaviour. Year 9 at a push. I'm an ex teacher (inner city) so I do know.

Yes, it sounds like this new teacher is going in hard with behaviour and has very high expectations for the classroom but so what?

Does DS think he is going to be able to act like that at Uni/college/work? Because by that point, he'll just be asked to leave.

After school, nobody has to put up with this childish shit from him ever again.

I really feel for the other kids in the class who are towing the line and being stalled in their education while the teacher is forced to deal with such ridiculousness.

Yes you are right. As admitted by OP.

I fully accept and acknowledge that he does things wrong, but if an entire class is laughing then I can’t blame him for joining in

Yes OP can and should blame him, and hopefully the other responsible parents will be blaming their children if they laughed. It's called parental responsibility.

The reason that the teacher was ranting at your DS and not the other kids is that your kid has already shown himself to be a disruptive little shit.

You think violence or aggression is the marker of a disruptive little shit?

No, it is not. That's a threat. A disruptive little shit is what your son is.

Sounds like both of them are bell ends tbh.

I tell my kids:

You aren't going to like every person and not every person is going to like you. Teachers are people. Some you like. Some you don't. But you aren't there to like them. You are there to learn from them. It happens. Work out how to learn from someone you don't like.

And repeat.

Sounds like he has pissed off the teacher and his card is marked. It's a life lesson on how to reel back from that. He is 16. He will be out in the work force soon enough- and he needs your help to show him how.

It’s so easy to read between the lines here.
“The teacher doesn’t like him/her (a pathetic and childish remark)…the teacher picks on him/her (child wilfully disregards authority and has been indulged by you)…the teacher singles him/her out (he shouldn’t be throwing items around a classroom as it’s unsafe and and he knows better)…it’s a personality clash” (the child is obnoxious and enjoys provoking this teacher)…”he won’t work in these lessons” (he’s happy to ruin the teaching experience for everyone else in the class and ultimately lower their grades).

Your response to @Tontostitis speaks volumes. I bet there are a fair few other parents who think your son’s a PITA.
Sort it out rather than argue about his behaviour.
Until you’re there in the classroom when it happens you’re not in a position to have a viewpoint.
One day he’ll treat you the way he’s treating this teacher. Mark my words.

So is this A level? I know things are different since 20 years ago. But surely at this age, if they can't behave in an A level lesson, they should just drop the course.

I think you need to go into the meeting with an open mind and listen to what they have to say. If you genuinely believe, after the meeting, that this teacher has been picking on him, you should raise that separately. Some teachers do get very negative about particular students. On the surface, your examples do seem unfair. But some students develop a victim mindset. Him saying he doesn't see the point in trying makes me feel this may be happening here.

Speak to the head of the department for that subject, see if your son can be moved to a different class for that lesson. If him and the teacher have lost all respect for each other it may be the best solution. My son had an English teacher that he absolutely despised and he was failing English. I requested a move to a different teacher and he thrived and passed his English GCSE with a grade 4 (not a brilliant grade in the scheme of things, but a solid pass meaning no resit)

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Tell him to behave exemplary

then if he does that and the teacher continues you’ll have a much better back up.

You need to meet with school and discuss. You have your son’s versions of events which may be different from staff members. But you do seem to be making excuses and accepting his behaviours which is basically telling him it’s ok to behave this way.

You say it’s ’low level’ but put yourself in the position of the teacher trying to get 30 pupils through their GCSEs. Or another child who needs to pass this GCSE to get onto a course or into a job. Is it fair that your sins behaviour is stopping their learning?

He’s also old enough to know he doesn’t have to like every teacher to behave. What if he gets a job and doesn’t like his boss - is he going to be stupid and stop others doing their job.

He sounds really immature and selfish and you sound over indulgent - maybe you need to model supporting school for him to realise this behaviour isn’t acceptable.

It's been a while but thinking back, I hated kids who would 'low level disrupt' classes when I was that age. My friends and I could never settle in and focus as you weren't sure if a pen/paper ball was going to be flying over your head towards their mate.
Or the laughing, especially when they sat behind you, making you paranoid they've done something to you that you don't know about.
Or even just them generally dicking about, it was like they were desperate for attention constantly. Maybe they were. But the teachers/whole class weren't there just to be their audience and make their day more chipper.

I wasn't bullied, so it's not me projecting. It was just exhausting being around these charming but cheeky lads! Except they're annoying AF and think the school day revolves around them. Saying that, I'd often walk home with some of them, I didn't mind it after school, but during class was irritating af.

Others are trying to learn. As a teacher the low level crap is far, far worse and more disruptive than the odd higher tariff event. Tell him to pull it together. The references to “banter” with another teacher (perhaps one with less behaviour management skills?) and DS being “charismatic” paint a picture.

You can't easily drop A-level courses.

The school loses the funding if a student doesn't take 3 level 3 courses or equivalent.

If it's A-level, surely he will only be doing 2 other subjects?
Happy to be told I'm wrong, but I thought kids only did 3 A-levels these days (we did 4, but that was ages ago).

As a former teacher this is the kind of attitude from parents that makes the job so much harder.

Low level disruption is badly behaved though OP. Imagine trying to teach a class with your son arsing around, distracting others and not listening. It doesn’t matter what he thinks of the teacher. I used to tell pupils that not likening a teacher is good training for work, where you’ll more than likely have to spend a lot of time with someone you don’t like. And get on with it. You’re also believing everything your son is telling you. He hasn’t got long left at school. It’s up to you to make sure he behaves and backing up what the school are saying is part of that. They haven’t called you in for nothing.

What entitles your child to wreck the lessons for kids desperately trying to learn & pass important exams that could effect future options

I think "scream at" is modern vernacular for "reprimand"....