Called into school for a meeting

[JewelMonkey]

My 16yr old DS seems to mess around in one of his classes. DS doesn’t get on with the teacher who apparently shouts and looses his temper at the drop of a hat. DS is low level disruptive - messing around with his friend, laughing, sat with his coat on as he was cold etc. He has never, ever been higher level disruptive- no getting angry, no violence or aggression etc, it’s all just petty things. I don’t think DS has any respect for the teacher due to how he acts, and presumably the teacher doesn’t respect DS either. I have had numerous e-mails home from the deputy head regarding laughing in this class and being ‘silly’, I’ve now been asked to attend school for a face to face meeting with the deputy head.

I’ve discussed this with DS so many times, I’ve asked him to toe the line in class like he does in all his other classes. I’ve suggested to the depute that he is moved away from his friend in this class, but still the silliness continues. He is great in all other classes - his teachers know him well, he’s charismatic, funny, loyal and hardworking, he also has funny banter with his teachers, but this one new teacher just looses his mind at the slightest little thing. DS is deflated and doesn’t see the point in trying in this class as the teacher will just pull him up on anything and everything.

how do I handle the school face to face meeting? DS absolutely should be toeing the line, but he is 16 and can be immature- but I don’t feel he’s being badly behaved.

You can’t actually do anything, his behaviour is down to him. I’d be telling him to behave, cut out the silliness, keep his head down and get on with his work, but it’s up to him whether he actually does that or not. And if not, then he has to deal with the consequences imposed on him by the school.

He needs to grow up. He is 16. He is being ridiculously immature to hate the subject because of the teacher. He needs to stop misbehaving and pay attention.

He may justifiably not like the teacher, and vice versa, but that's life - he has to be there and behave.

Another example is that a wire was pulled out of something by a pupil at the other side of the room, which then made a funny noise, the whole class laughed but DS was singled out and yelled at by the teacher. A friend actually messaged to tell me that her DD is in the same class and that the teacher laid into DS when the whole class laughed, not just DS.

The hearing was broken in the school and others were sitting with hoodies or coats on. DS had his coat on but a report was made to the depute about him having his coat on.

And the excuse for messing around with his friend is?...

Definitely bring these up in the meeting.

look at the meeting as an oppportunity to highlight how this teacher is treating DS & thank them for organising it 😉

Unfortunately once he gets a reputation with the teacher all sorts will get put on him. However he isn’t blameless - I hope you can see that. My son got loads of detentions for fairly minor infractions and they did not one iota of good. So I told the school take away one thing that mattered to him: he would not be able to play in the next rugby match if he continued. That worked.
Still, he never took school seriously and that showed in his GCSE results.

So according to your son, every single time he gets told off, it isn’t his fault, other people were doing it too, and he alone is getting picked on?

You seem to have an excuse for every time he misbehaves... I'm not sure this meeting will be very productive if you've already decided he is never in the wrong.

When he saw there weren't enough laptops, did he go up to the teacher to explain? Or just hang about waiting for the teacher to notice.

You appear to be an apologist for your DS’s poor behaviour. You are part of the problem.

by messing around I mean laughing with others.

This is the perspective thing. He thinks he was yelled at for being in his coat. Might it actually have been (for example) how he responded to being asked to remove it? All teachers will be familiar with the "I was just..." perspective - and I use the word perspective because I do think teenagers do find it hard to see the whole picture rather than one feature which makes them feel unfairly treated.

It sounds like your DS knows how to behave and is choosing not to. That's on him.

Why don’t you feel he’s being badly behaved?

No, I fully accept and acknowledge that he does things wrong, but if an entire class is laughing then I can’t blame him for joining in. It really is silly things - he threw a pen across to another pupil 2 desks as their pen had run out, the teacher saw and yelled at him, DS apologised to the teacher for throwing then pen, but the teacher didn’t drop it for the rest of the lesson.

I’m sympathetic but your ds needs to learn that what one teacher sees as banter another sees as disruption. You need to tell him that you’re being called in because otherwise the consequences of his low level misbehaviour will start to increase. He simply needs to button it - be quiet, comply, show respect. Point out that it’s no more than ten hours a month when he has to stamp down his personality.

If every child indulged in low level disruption class would get little done.

But it isn't the 'slightest thing'. You listed lots of dickish behaviour from your child. Just because this is perhaps more serious and doesn't engage with your child's 'bants', doesn't mean he 'loses his mind at the slightest little thing'. He probably made a very poor first impression with all his shit behaviour so never gave the teacher a chance to build a bond with him. Part of the problem is that his parent doesn't see this behaviour as unacceptable.

This kind of behaviour is soul-destroying for the teacher and classmates. It’s pathetic in a young person of 16.

Your attitude is a huge part of the reason your son misbehaves. Hopefully he'll get chucked out and the teacher and rest of class can have a successful year without the entitled little twerp

So he’s a low low level disruptive pita
do you realise just how bloody frustrating it is to have one of these in a class
he needs to pack it in

Wow, are you ok as you sound like you could do with a hug.

I'm a bit suspicious of the laptop story.

Your son has messed about continuously in this teacher’s lessons which is why his teacher thinks he is a total pain in the arse. It is hardly surprising.

He does sound a nuisance. 'Funny banter' is not really appropriate in a classroom. Imagine if all 30+ kids were doing similar.

In the old days it would be called 'showing off.' Is he being so annoying because underneath he is quite insecure?