Called into school for a meeting

[JewelMonkey]

My 16yr old DS seems to mess around in one of his classes. DS doesn’t get on with the teacher who apparently shouts and looses his temper at the drop of a hat. DS is low level disruptive - messing around with his friend, laughing, sat with his coat on as he was cold etc. He has never, ever been higher level disruptive- no getting angry, no violence or aggression etc, it’s all just petty things. I don’t think DS has any respect for the teacher due to how he acts, and presumably the teacher doesn’t respect DS either. I have had numerous e-mails home from the deputy head regarding laughing in this class and being ‘silly’, I’ve now been asked to attend school for a face to face meeting with the deputy head.

I’ve discussed this with DS so many times, I’ve asked him to toe the line in class like he does in all his other classes. I’ve suggested to the depute that he is moved away from his friend in this class, but still the silliness continues. He is great in all other classes - his teachers know him well, he’s charismatic, funny, loyal and hardworking, he also has funny banter with his teachers, but this one new teacher just looses his mind at the slightest little thing. DS is deflated and doesn’t see the point in trying in this class as the teacher will just pull him up on anything and everything.

how do I handle the school face to face meeting? DS absolutely should be toeing the line, but he is 16 and can be immature- but I don’t feel he’s being badly behaved.

I don’t think your son is giving you the whole story..

I mean. He threw a pen

of course this would be an issue? He threw it to another student. Not even to the next desk. But 2 desks away!

of course he’s going to get shouted at for that?

If he's doing Highers then can he change subject?

I don't believe he screamed at him. Your son doesn't like it respect him and doesn't behave in class so the teacher has unfortunately taken a bit of a dislike to him. He is only human.

But I wouldn't believe this incredibly one sided account if him being verbally abused regularly for no reason. If this was true he should speak to his head of year.

Being a teacher is really really fucking hard. You don't know the back story to that teacher. Maybe he has a young family and is shattered. Maybe he has a partner who is ill. Maybe HE has a health condition.

I had one class that were so awful that every time I taught them, the next day I'd have a raging migraine from the stress of them. I didn't dislike the kids. They were just kids. But together they were god-awful.

Your son now has a reputation with that teacher for being a PITA because it's happened so often. If the teacher was his boss, he'd have to suck it up and crack on. THAT is a life skill. He needs to get a detention every single time he fucks that teacher around until he learns to shut up and keep his head down. It'll be a valuable life lesson.

I can just imagine him sitting in class - smirking, making stupid jokes, encouraging others to misbehave. Why should the teacher 'respect' him - he is a schoolboy? He should be respecting the teacher as someone in authority. I really do worry about the next generation of working age people.

He needs to learn that different people expect different behaviour, and that just because some teachers warm to (or have more patience with) his 'banter', others will not.
This is a really important lesson, because we all know the adults who never learn it and who go blundering through life with their "I'm a laugh me!" behaviour, irritating as many people as they amuse and blaming other people for having no sense of humour.
I think its time to stop asking him to behave as his teacher requires and tell him. On pain of withdrawal of privileges at home.
If the teacher then continues to lose his temper despite your DS behaving appropriately, then will be the time to side with DS.

I was going to write more but what it boils down to is this.

If he is doing his A levels the school isn't under any obligation to keep him in the school or education. and once they have their funding, they can just get rid.

The teacher sounds like a bully with an anger issue, and I'd be raising this with the Deputy during the meeting. It's not acceptable to single out a pupil and pick on them repeatedly, especially in an aggressive manner.

The amount of comments on here from the compliant sheep are just 🙄

It's NOT ok for a teacher to be abusive towards a pupil, a child.

The school are failing to safeguard your son from this angry man, and I'd be making that very clear to the Deputy.

I used to be a teacher, it's so disappointing that so many people on here have no issue with the teacher's behaviour. It's appalling.

It's lads like this that mean girls do better in single sex education. So unfair to pupils like your daughter and written off by too many as boys will be boys.

how do I handle the school face to face meeting?

ask whats happening in all the other classes?
why isn't it happening in the other classes?
what is the problem in this one class?

Don't you think respect should be earned? I have a daughter, I would not teach her to respect an angry man shouting at her...and don't even get me started on the "someone in authority". You do realise that people "in authority", many of them are abusers, rapists, murderers? But we should all just be good little children and respect them all, yeah?

Fuck me, so glad I didn't send my children to school with all these fucking sheep.

He should have home to the teacher and explained there weren’t enough laptops. Why wouldn’t he do that?

What a terribly sad attitude you have - obviously anti any kind of authority over kids. They are there to learn, to become young adults with manners and social skills, not to disrupt classes because they 'dislike' a teacher.

Fuck me. Are you seriously saying it's ok for this teacher to abuse a pupil because he might have a back story? Are you seriously saying this child should "learns to shut up and keep his head down. It'll be a valuable life lesson."?

I really hope you're not a teacher anymore, because that is just APPALLING.

I used to be a teacher, I didn't leave because I couldn't hack it, I just left as I could earn a hell of a lot more back out in industry, but there are a serious amount of teachers who cannot hack it and really need to leave, not only for their own sanity, but to prevent pupils being bullied and abused by them.

Don't you think that the DS in this case should respect his peers enough to let them learn a subject that they have chosen?

If he did this then your "angry" and "abusive" man wouldn't be "angry" and "abusive"

He's 16. GCSEs are presumably this year. He knows he's messing about, even if he doesn't give a toss about his own results or his teacher, what about said mates....

Ps you need to back up school. Low level disruption is still just that. Disruption.

The pupil isn’t getting abused. It’s the teacher who is getting a hard time from a group of young adults who aught to know better than to behave like primary school children.

I was in a flat with a job or I wouldn’t have money for food at that age. Hes throwing pens FFS.

It's possible the teacher is inexperienced but teachers need to start somewhere. I'm sure its not easy dealing with 16 year olds messing about.
You've admitted in your first post that your ds messes around and is "low level disruptive." He needs to start behaving. It'll be GCSEs before you know it. Your ds might not be bothered what grade he gets but it might be important to others in the class.

For God's sake he is 16. Go to class, sit down, shut up, speak only when spoken too by teacher, and respond politely and do the set work. It's really not hard.

You are very hyperbolic.

How is telling a student to stop laughing / chatting or throwing pens across a class “abusive”?

Young people today expect not to be bullied and humiliated by adults, they take less shit. Good for them I say. Teachers shouldn’t be shouting, clearly this bloke can’t control his temper or the class and is a bit of a cunt. I’d complain about him if I was you.

I feel for the kids in the class who want to learn and get a good grade next summer

Your DS is being a disruptive pain.

He clearly CAN behave if he’s absolutely perfect in every other lesson. So he’s choosing NOT to behave in this lesson.

Is this a new teacher as in new to the school or newly qualified?

I suspect your DS thinks this teacher is perhaps a soft touch and is taking the piss.

When you go to the meeting be prepared to listen, and be prepared to hear about a version of your son you didn’t know existed.

As a Governor, I do these meeting sometimes, with young people who are bordering on exclusion .. nearly every parent comes in believing that thier child has done nothing wrong, and that they are being “picked on” . Then they see the behaviour logs from various interactions, and find out what’s in CCTV, and it’s very enlightening