Called into school for a meeting

[JewelMonkey]

My 16yr old DS seems to mess around in one of his classes. DS doesn’t get on with the teacher who apparently shouts and looses his temper at the drop of a hat. DS is low level disruptive - messing around with his friend, laughing, sat with his coat on as he was cold etc. He has never, ever been higher level disruptive- no getting angry, no violence or aggression etc, it’s all just petty things. I don’t think DS has any respect for the teacher due to how he acts, and presumably the teacher doesn’t respect DS either. I have had numerous e-mails home from the deputy head regarding laughing in this class and being ‘silly’, I’ve now been asked to attend school for a face to face meeting with the deputy head.

I’ve discussed this with DS so many times, I’ve asked him to toe the line in class like he does in all his other classes. I’ve suggested to the depute that he is moved away from his friend in this class, but still the silliness continues. He is great in all other classes - his teachers know him well, he’s charismatic, funny, loyal and hardworking, he also has funny banter with his teachers, but this one new teacher just looses his mind at the slightest little thing. DS is deflated and doesn’t see the point in trying in this class as the teacher will just pull him up on anything and everything.

how do I handle the school face to face meeting? DS absolutely should be toeing the line, but he is 16 and can be immature- but I don’t feel he’s being badly behaved.

He sounds like a pita in this class. I'm surprised school haven't given more severe punishments. If I was the teacher I'd want him removed from class. And I say this as parent of a 16 Yr old boy. By 16 I'd say if you don't want to behave and work at school then leave.

He is being badly behaved though, if he's laughing and messing around while the teacher is trying to teach then he's disrupting the class.

Regardless as to his feeling for the teacher (your never going to like everyone you work with) he needs to behave like he does in all his other lessons. You should be explaining this to him.

He sounds too good for the school. Don't let the school rob him of his spirit, he will spend the rest of his life trying to get it back.

He sounds annoying tbh. Does the teacher actually pull him up on “anything and everything”? Why doesn’t he just shut up and see what happens?

I’m not sure why you don’t think he’s being badly behaved?

Spend a day in a classroom with your son and 30 other kids and you might see why the teacher finds him a pita?

At 16 he shouldn't need to be separated from a friend to learn to behave. He does understand in his future he will have colleagues and bosses he won't like or personally respect for whatever reason but he can't twat about in response. Swallow it, do your job and get on.

Today’s example - the whole class went to get laptops, there wasn’t enough to go round - DS and 3 others didn’t have laptops. DS got yelled at for not having a laptop. The teacher started ranting about how he doesn’t follow instructions, it went on for a while then DS pointed out there were 3 others without laptops also as there wasn’t enough to go round. Teacher then glanced at the other 3, said “for god sake” then walked off. No apology to DS, no screaming at the other 3 without, and no acknowledgment of the fact there were not enough laptops. Just DS being humiliated by teacher screaming at him for something unavoidable

You have to toughen up. Yes that teacher might be a pita, but he's going to meet those in his working life. You think he should disrespect his employer.

It's one teacher, we've all had that. Tell him to grow up.

Sorry sir . Not some excuse that he wasn't the only one.

As a teacher, low level disruption is so annoying and frustrating to deal with. I’m surprised it’s taken so long for school to call you in after ‘numerous emails’. I don’t see how you think he’s not being badly behaved.
Go to the meeting and work with the school to make sure this doesn’t continue.

What are you doing to ensure he stops this low level disruption? It’s not fair on the other kids in class.

it was lads like this that meant my dd couldn’t attend school, she couldn’t deal with it

He is being a pain in the arse. There may well be a personality clash but if DS went into class, didn't mess around, did the work and left there would be nothing to pull him up on. Messing around with his friend, laughing and sitting with his coat on is disruptive and disrespectful. He is 16 so either doing GCSEs this year or in first year of Sixth Form, either way he needs to grow up and you dismissing his behaviour as low level and at least he isn't violent isn't helpful.

Why should be apologise for not having a lap top if there simply wasn’t enough to go around?

You don’t behave in class because you like the teacher, you do it because they are the teacher. Your DS is disrupting the class and the learning of 30 other kids. I’d deal with the meeting by apologising sincerely to the teacher and setting some pretty swift consequences for my son.

Some teachers are bell ends though (I’m at teacher btw but primary 😂) what subject is it? It is a bit strange that every other teacher is happy with his attitude in my opinion. Can he drop the subject? Move to another teacher for this subject? It’s a tricky one because low level disruption is sooooo bloody annoying! But why isn’t he like this in other lessons? It sounds like the teacher just doesn’t like him and will now do anything to make his life tricky. You could tell your son that the best way to show this dickhead up is to excel in his class?

I could have written this exact post so solidarity to you from me! Parenting an annoying 16 year old is exasperating and trying to understand why they can't just sit quietly and get on with the lesson is futile.

I think you need to get a thicker skin and stop falling into the trap of thinking your son is the victim of his teacher. He's been annoying so he's on the radar and will be singled out regardless of whether he's done anything or not but that's on him so he needs to deal with that himself.

Don't try and defend him in the meeting, agree to whatever sanctions the school are going to put in place, stick to whatever consequences of his behaviour you've put in place at home and be thankful that at 16 his school days are nearly over.

If your DS was well behaved in class you’d have a much better chance of challenging the teacher - who sounds exasperated. Is it true your DS doesn’t follow instructions?

He doesn't have to apologise but he should calmly state he doesn't have a laptop because there weren't enough. The fact the teacher didn't apologise isn't great but DS s going to come across all sorts of people in his working life and it's time he started to get used to it. I bet if DS hadn't got a reputation of 'low level disruption' in this class this interaction with the teacher would have been different.

You say that your DS is low level disruptive - laughing etc.

it’ll be pissing off other kids who do want to do well in this subject.

if you’ve constantly told him to stop it there isn’t a hell of a lot else you can do.

at my school other possibilities would be that your DS changes group (although most schools don’t like this in year 11 as it’s an exam year) or that he just drops that gcse.

your DS is presumably going to do shit in that exam anyway.

Exactly. Today's incident might not have been his fault but it sounds like the consequence of him crying wolf too often and the teacher assumed he once again wasn't listening. I'm interested as to why you think the teacher should apologise I suspect your child never apologises when he is misbehaving.

His parents evening reports and progress reports are great from every other teacher bar this one, he only took the subject this year as an option. Its accountancy. He hates the subject because of the teacher.

DS is low level disruptive - messing around with his friend, laughing, sat with his coat on as he was cold etc.

He's not 'low level' disruptive. This is really annoying for teachers and other students. It requires constant intervention by the teacher, your DS keeps doing it, and understandably, the teacher is pissed off.

He is clearly taking it out now on your DS e.g. re: the laptops but your DS has brought it on himself.

I can't believe you are not being firmer about this.

I speak as someone with two teenage sons, as well as a teenage daughter; both my sons have been PITA in classrooms, in similar ways to your son; it happens, and it's our job as parents to be absolutely firm that it's not appropriate, not backing up his bad behaviour.

It'll be interesting to see what they have to say.

im On the fence. Some teachers DO have a 'thing' & always puck on one child.

On the other hand I'd be encouraging DS to rise above it & see it as a challenge. 'Sorry, we are 4 short for the class, would you like us to share or where can we collect others from'. Find ways to shut down the teacher politely.

Tell him it's practise for arsehole bosses.

Go in and have the conversation. You are getting one perspective on this, and the perspective of teenagers can be quite narrow.

How would you feel if there was a kid behaving like this in one of the classes your DS does deem to be worth his attention and good behaviour? A kid causing disruption and distractions means other kids are having their lessons disrupted. That's not fair.

Does your school not have a one strike and then your out system? Ours does and it's worked wonders for removing this type of behaviour from classrooms so everyone else can get on with lessons.

In answer to your question though, if you truly believe that the teacher is the problem, my suggestion would be to raise this as calmly and neutrally as you can e.g. "I feel like there is a particular issue with the relationship between little Johnny and Mr X that doesn't seem to exist between Johnny and his other teachers. Have you also observed this?" But also be clear you accept that we all have to work with people we don't get on with and by the time you are 16 you should be able to handle this in a more mature way. You could ask what could school do to support your DS in this.