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Original poster

Lady yelled at my son, I feel like the worst mom in the world

446 replies

YourBoldCoralDog · 07/10/2025 20:47

Hi everyone.

As background, my dad has been in the hospital for a month. He’s improving but slowly, and I go every day since my mom isn’t up to being able to follow what the doctors are saying. On Friday he was having a hard day, and my son (5) came with me because he was off school. My husband’s job has also been doing layoffs recently and there was going to be another round that day.

We left the hospital at 1pm - both of us were hungry and my son was restless. We went to a place right by the hospital since the hospital cafeteria area was very busy. Soon after we sat down, my husband called with the news he’s not being laid off but his hours are being cut and was trying to explain it to me. As I was talking to him, but son was up from his chair and playing around the table. By the time I got off the phone, he was running around.

I know this was a total mom fail, and I should’ve intercepted him sooner. But by the time I got up to do so, he’d tripped and knocked a woman’s pasta into her lap. She was probably 25ish, alone and having a glass of wine with lunch while she was reading. My son started crying immediately, and she exploded at him - her immediate reaction to it was to say “what the fuck”. When he started to cry she told him to get away from her and to go sit down like he should have been in the first place; he just stood there frozen and she said he was a brat who was acting like an animal. I rushed over and said I was so sorry but I didn’t appreciate her cussing at and insulting my son, and she said she didn’t appreciate having her lunch dumped in her lap because I’m “too lazy to watch my kid”, and she said something like she wouldn’t have had to say a word to him if I was doing my job.

I was starting to quietly cry too and the manager came up and said she was having our food packed and ushered me away. The staff was quite cold to me as I was paying for my takeaway, and I could see they were apologizing to the lady. I keep having flashbacks to this and feel ashamed at how my son acted, but also about how he saw I didn’t stand up for him in the moment as someone insulted him. Just having a rough time and feeling like a bad mom.

OP posts:
HewasH2O · 07/10/2025 20:50

Did you pay for her wasted meal & offer to get her clothes cleaned?

CosyMintFish · 07/10/2025 20:53

I think you need to distinguish between “being a bad mom” and “displaying some bad parenting”.

It’s overdramatising things to suggest you’re being a bad mom, and I wonder if your post was written to elicit reassurance that you’re not one. It certainly doesn’t sound like you’re a bad mom.

But what happened in the cafe was bad parenting. Someone else’s meal spilled, their day disrupted. Provided you apologised and offered to pay for the meal then you made amends as well as you could. Everyone has episodes of bad parenting, particularly in stressful circumstances.

FanofLeaves · 07/10/2025 20:54

Oof.

I mean chalk it up but yeah, no way should you have zoned out onto a phone call long enough for anything like that to happen. And at 5, he should be able to behave a lot better than that and absolutely know not to run amock. It’s not brilliant that he doesn’t to be honest. Apart from the disruption for other diners, It’s really dangerous to run around where trays with hot food and drinks and glasses are being used and carried.

I wouldn’t have had a go at the kid but I’m afraid I almost certainly would have at you because it’s absolutely not something that should have been allowed to happen.

I’m sorry though as you obviously feel bad about it and have a lot going on.

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holachicatita · 07/10/2025 20:54

At 5 he should surely know not to be running around a stranger close enough to dump her food in her lap. I have a 3 year old and I can't see him doing this!

Geranium879 · 07/10/2025 20:55

She should not have used a swear word but other than that she did nothing wrong. You’ve no excuse letting him behave like that. Maybe next time you’ll keep him under control.

Terrribletwos · 07/10/2025 20:57

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cariadlet · 07/10/2025 20:57

You are going through a really tough time at the moment and I do sympathise.

But I'm afraid that you should have been watching your ds. When you were on the phone, you needed to have had one eye on your son and stopped the running around immediately.

Don't feel guilty that you didn't stand up for your ds when the other customer had a go at him. Her reaction was understandable and pretty reasonable.

If you didn't want him to be shouted at by a stranger, you needed to have been on top of his behaviour which would have prevented the incident which led to her reaction.

FanofLeaves · 07/10/2025 20:57

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ilovelamp82 · 07/10/2025 20:57

As long as you paid for her meal and offered to pay to get her clothes cleaned then there isn't much more you can do so there's no point in replaying it in your head.

It definitely sucks all around, but as long as you handled it properly afterwards, try to forget about it.

Sandy483 · 07/10/2025 20:59

If my lunch was suddenly in my lap I'd probably swear in shock too. You did stand up for your son (unreasonably IMO), instead you should have been offering to pay for all the damage he'd caused.

Screamingabdabz · 07/10/2025 21:00

How would you have felt if it had been scalding hot soup or a broken glass that had harmed him? Or he’d ran out of the door under a car? You need to watch your kid no matter what else is going on.

Petitchat · 07/10/2025 21:05

@YourBoldCoralDog

Please don't expect to get any empathy or understanding on mumsnet nowadays.
It just ain't going to happen.

Sorry you're having a bad time at the moment, hope things improve soon ⚘

Coconutter24 · 07/10/2025 21:05

If you can’t watch your son whilst on the phone then you say I’ll call you back or speak when we’re home. The lady did nothing wrong, not even the swearing if I was minding my own business then my hot meal fell in my lap I’d probably swear out of shock. You are completely in the wrong here. Did you offer to pay for her meal or anything to say sorry?

SomeLikeitSnot · 07/10/2025 21:07

I feel for you OP but the thing is that lady didn’t have the back story. She doesn’t know about the hospital or your husbands hours. She was eating her lunch, and out of control child knocked pasta all over her and ruined her lunch. She could have had a job interview, be meeting friends for the afternoon. She could have just come from the hospital visiting a dying relative herself, you just don’t know. So no I don’t think her relation was unfair.
But you’re not the worst mum ever- chalk it up to experience and work on your child’s behaviour. I have DC who’s 5 and they would never have done that tbh.

Theseventhmagpie · 07/10/2025 21:08

I’m 100% with the pasta lady.

Skybluepinky · 07/10/2025 21:09

Yes terrible behaviour from both yourself and your child, did you pay to replace lady’s dinner and cover the cost of cleaning her clothes and ensuring she had something to wear for work in the afternoon.

Livpool · 07/10/2025 21:16

You don’t know what is going on in her life though do you?

What happened to her was really shit - lots of people would have exploded - your son doesn’t need defending in this instance. It doesn’t mean you are a bad mum - it does mean your child was left to his own devices and acted in a way that resulted in the woman having her meal knocked into her lap. I don’t think you can expect the workers to be placating you.

NellieElephantine · 07/10/2025 21:19

@YourBoldCoralDog you're having 'flashbacks'? What as in you've now got ptsd from having it acknowledged that your 5 year old bashed into someone causing food to go over them, and it was acknowledged that there was poor behaviour from you and him?

Anyahyacinth · 07/10/2025 21:25

This was definitely an opportunity to say sorry and mean it. I think her reaction was probably shocked and humiliated too. I would have asked my son to say sorry. You aren’t a bad mother for not defending him, I think it’s poor you didn't teach him what to do when you do something wrong and apologise on his behalf too and offer to make amends

DirtyMartinii · 07/10/2025 21:25

Very poor parenting from you

pinkyredrose · 07/10/2025 21:26

Sorry for everything you're going through but that's not an excuse to let your son run around. Did you offer to have her clothes cleaned and buy her another lunch?

You shouldn't have let him leave the table, you didn't know what he was doing also he could've been abducted or left the building.

Don't beat yourself up but do keep him with you next time. Hope things improve for you.

ThatBoldDog · 07/10/2025 21:26

Why was your son not at school?

JLou08 · 07/10/2025 21:29

What a really tough day for you. I'd maybe try and move past it with a lesson learned. My DC has additional needs and he needs really close supervision so I won't answer the phone when I'm out with him.
I don't think defending your son would have been the right thing to do in this situation. No 5 year old deserves to be shouted at like that, however, when someone is out enjoying a meal and a drink then end up with it in their lap they're likely to be very angry. Maybe a lesson for your son too through natural consequences from misbehaving in public.

101Alsatians · 07/10/2025 21:33

Chalk it up to experience. The lady was right to be irritated.

You are not the 'worst mum in the world' and I'm so sorry you are having an awful time.

But it could have been a hot tea/coffee that scalded your DS instead.

101trees · 07/10/2025 21:35

NellieElephantine · 07/10/2025 21:19

@YourBoldCoralDog you're having 'flashbacks'? What as in you've now got ptsd from having it acknowledged that your 5 year old bashed into someone causing food to go over them, and it was acknowledged that there was poor behaviour from you and him?

You never think back on something and feel embarrassed? Find something cringeworthy popping into your head?

I don't think anyone calls that PTSD. They call it recalling something and feeling ashamed and embarrassed about it. Sometimes it gets called 'a hangover'.

@YourBoldCoralDog you (or your son) aren't going to remember this in 5-years. No-one is a perfect parent all the time, we all screw up and take our eye of the ball sometimes. Sometimes you get away with it, sometimes you don't. It's not like you've not identified you should have been paying closer attention. Just try and put it out of your head and move on. There's no long-term consequences of this to worry about.

Screwing up and not being perfect is part of being human. We all do it, we all feel embarrassed about it.