Lady yelled at my son, I feel like the worst mom in the world

[YourBoldCoralDog]

Hi everyone.

As background, my dad has been in the hospital for a month. He’s improving but slowly, and I go every day since my mom isn’t up to being able to follow what the doctors are saying. On Friday he was having a hard day, and my son (5) came with me because he was off school. My husband’s job has also been doing layoffs recently and there was going to be another round that day.

We left the hospital at 1pm - both of us were hungry and my son was restless. We went to a place right by the hospital since the hospital cafeteria area was very busy. Soon after we sat down, my husband called with the news he’s not being laid off but his hours are being cut and was trying to explain it to me. As I was talking to him, but son was up from his chair and playing around the table. By the time I got off the phone, he was running around.

I know this was a total mom fail, and I should’ve intercepted him sooner. But by the time I got up to do so, he’d tripped and knocked a woman’s pasta into her lap. She was probably 25ish, alone and having a glass of wine with lunch while she was reading. My son started crying immediately, and she exploded at him - her immediate reaction to it was to say “what the fuck”. When he started to cry she told him to get away from her and to go sit down like he should have been in the first place; he just stood there frozen and she said he was a brat who was acting like an animal. I rushed over and said I was so sorry but I didn’t appreciate her cussing at and insulting my son, and she said she didn’t appreciate having her lunch dumped in her lap because I’m “too lazy to watch my kid”, and she said something like she wouldn’t have had to say a word to him if I was doing my job.

I was starting to quietly cry too and the manager came up and said she was having our food packed and ushered me away. The staff was quite cold to me as I was paying for my takeaway, and I could see they were apologizing to the lady. I keep having flashbacks to this and feel ashamed at how my son acted, but also about how he saw I didn’t stand up for him in the moment as someone insulted him. Just having a rough time and feeling like a bad mom.

I know this isn’t the point of the thread but I’m really curious to know exactly how this happened. Was she sat at a table? With a bowl of pasta on the table? How did he trip and knock it into her lap, I just can’t figure out the logistics of this incident.

I feel bad for you as you know you made a mistake, and it’s all been stressful, but surely you know not to take your eyes of him for this amount of time? The second he left your table you should I’ve grabbed him, phone call or not. I know it wasn’t pleasant for you, but I really don’t blame the pasta lady for how she reacted, I’d have done the same.

Yeah! Cause she's 'ard!
And that's definitely the way to show your child how to behave.
And let's not consider that that pasta-covered woman may have come from the nearby hospital and been having a bad day herself.

Stupid comment by someone who doesn’t seem aware that it’s legally assault if you deliberately throw a drink over someone…

I think I would have hit the roof. More at you than DC. How can you carry on if your clothes are covered. We’ve all had bad moments. You’ll forget about it soon but prob learnt.

100% he has done this before and chances are he will do it again (the running around). You had a bad day, the lady had a bad day, your son had a bad day. Lesson learnt!

Hey you’re not a mum. If that was me I would have said no it’s okay and just laughed it off and made sure your son was okay. Honestly don’t think people that age have any manners anymore or know how to speak to children because they’re so self absorbed. Hug your son and apologise for how that girl spoke to him. Learn from it and forgive yourself. She’ll get her karma.

You are clearly a delight.

If they did it to me, I would absolutely make sure that it was reported and charged. Sometimes you can pick on the wrong person.

There’s a bunch of you sounding very similar. Have you landed en masse to make OP sound less unreasonable because you sound so batshit?

To be fair, that's probably what the cafe are hoping for!

Ahh I’m a softie with kids but I would have probably shouted what the fuck in shock at having my dinner in my lap
I’d be pissed with you for being on your phone in a restaurant and letting your kid run wild and even more pissed that you didn’t appear to genuinely take responsibility because you couldn’t handle her reaction
nobody is going to benefit from beating yourself up, act like the grown up now and be honest with yourself that you made a mistake. You’ll feel alot better about life in general if you take full and honest responsibility and move on rather than feeling like the world is against you
on another note, sorry to hear your dad is so ill, that sounds rough supporting your parents through that while trying to parent and so life stuff x

Sounds like a super stressful situation all round.

Very sorry to hear about all you're going through and can empathise how you were distracted with so much on your mind.

Also empathise with the lady who got her dinner in her lap - if she was reading and engrossed it is absolutely understandable she said what the fuck and freaked out. I'd like to think I wouldn't have said all the things she said - but when something happens suddenly like that a lot of adrenaline is released.

I am absolutely certain, that with all the adrenaline, and considering what had just happened - if you had had the audacity to have a go at me for swearing instead of apologising profusely I would have unleashed holy hell at you and probably used as many top tier expletives as possible deliberately...

Things do happen...but if you've fucked up you need to apologise if you want to diffuse and resolve...not start having a go at the other person...she was after all only reacting. She didn't start shouting at your son out of the blue.

I would have gone off too and given both him and you a right mouthful. It's inexcusable that your child has such poor manners and supervision that he dumped some lady's HOT lunch into her lap with his antics. Do you know if she got burned or do you not care as she dared to do what you should have and castigated your child.

It would have taken you seconds to tell him to sit quietly and not indulge his running around annoying other patrons. Running around is obviously something he does regularly, otherwise he would have done what you normally expect of him ie sit down and not annoy others.

At which point I would have told your child that Father Christmas didn't exist and that it was his mummy

Most people would keep an eye on their children while they were on the phone. Really, your son could have run away while you were not looking after him.

Genius!
I'm saving that one just in case...

Absolutely.

Everyone has a backstory/sob story that leads up to a lapse in being responsible for their children, so it’s really not necessary to regale us with it unless you only want people to pat you on the back and say ‘There, there..’!

Accept that you had a crap day resulting in your not prioritising being responsible for hour child which resulted in someone else having go suffer and move on and make today a better one.

Don’t take calls which mean you are distracted.

Oh dear OP. This was a massive parenting fail. You were ON THE PHONE???? While your son was rushing around a restaurant where there are other people, hot food and drinks. Be thankful that nobody was scalded. A swear word is nothing compared with the actual consequences.
Your father's situation is very sad. But nothing excuses poor parenting. Would you say the same if you were scrolling your phone while he ran round a car park?

She was likely shocked and shouted the first thing that came into her head. I don’t blame her, no one expects to go for a relaxing lunch and have their food spilled onto their lap. Your child shouldn’t have been running around, you should have been parenting him, you were both to blame, not the lady trying to eat her lunch. You should feel bad about her, not your son.

This. Parents who don’t supervise their kids seriously annoy me. I appreciate OP was juggling with a difficult phonecall (I’m unclear why the boy wasn’t at school but apparently well enough to go to visit his grandfather in hospital). Frankly, sounds chaotic.

Op you will inevitably get everyone telling you that you are a bad parent because people love to have a go at others and kick them when they are down here. It’s really sad.

The reality is that you are having a stressful time, you weren’t concentrating and an accident happened. Your ds shouldn’t have been running about but he didn’t mean to do this.

It’s fair that the woman was annoyed but she shouldn’t have sworn and insulted your child. Maybe she was having a bad day too.

Don’t dwell on it a moment longer. It’s done. Speak to your son about his behaviour and forget it. I hope your dad gets well soon.

I think the woman's reaction was quite proportionate to the situation.

I'm struggling to understand how you didn't notice your dc was running around, surely even on a phone call you'd notice your dc get down from the table?

I think this one's on you, but it isn't the end of the world. You've had a lucky escape really, imagine if your dc had run outside and been hurt? Chalk it up to experience and keep an eye on him in future.

Why is your child not in school?