Lady yelled at my son, I feel like the worst mom in the world

[YourBoldCoralDog]

Hi everyone.

As background, my dad has been in the hospital for a month. He’s improving but slowly, and I go every day since my mom isn’t up to being able to follow what the doctors are saying. On Friday he was having a hard day, and my son (5) came with me because he was off school. My husband’s job has also been doing layoffs recently and there was going to be another round that day.

We left the hospital at 1pm - both of us were hungry and my son was restless. We went to a place right by the hospital since the hospital cafeteria area was very busy. Soon after we sat down, my husband called with the news he’s not being laid off but his hours are being cut and was trying to explain it to me. As I was talking to him, but son was up from his chair and playing around the table. By the time I got off the phone, he was running around.

I know this was a total mom fail, and I should’ve intercepted him sooner. But by the time I got up to do so, he’d tripped and knocked a woman’s pasta into her lap. She was probably 25ish, alone and having a glass of wine with lunch while she was reading. My son started crying immediately, and she exploded at him - her immediate reaction to it was to say “what the fuck”. When he started to cry she told him to get away from her and to go sit down like he should have been in the first place; he just stood there frozen and she said he was a brat who was acting like an animal. I rushed over and said I was so sorry but I didn’t appreciate her cussing at and insulting my son, and she said she didn’t appreciate having her lunch dumped in her lap because I’m “too lazy to watch my kid”, and she said something like she wouldn’t have had to say a word to him if I was doing my job.

I was starting to quietly cry too and the manager came up and said she was having our food packed and ushered me away. The staff was quite cold to me as I was paying for my takeaway, and I could see they were apologizing to the lady. I keep having flashbacks to this and feel ashamed at how my son acted, but also about how he saw I didn’t stand up for him in the moment as someone insulted him. Just having a rough time and feeling like a bad mom.

Getting on for 500 responses. OP has posted on Mumsnet precisely once.

One is pretty neutral, and the other is not good.

Oh fgs. Of course she was cross and gave out to him and you arriving and starting to sob because she very rightly gave out to him only made things worse. You should have sincerely apologised to her , offered to replace her meal and left it that.

The first is what I said when I was rear-ended at a roundabout... 'Tis not polite, but it is an expression of shock, disbelief and upset. I was still in my car at the time.

The neighbour that I was driving to hospital at the time was fairy shocked, she later told me - she'd never heard me swearing before.

[The other driver's excuse was that his car slipped in the rain. Yup. Uphill.]

Precisely.

I think we're in the matrix @AhBiscuits

She should have just smiled, laughed maybe to reassure the child it was ok. Perhaps if she could think up a joke to entertain them and stop them crying it would be good too.

Seriously? You get hot food thrown over you and barged into, and you need to be laughing and reassuring person who did it?

I took it as a sarcasm , because i very much doubt anyone is so saintly

And this is why there are so many badly brought up little brats running around.

Perhaps if she could think up a joke to entertain them and stop them crying it would be good too.

Indeed.
I always carry a set of finger puppets so I can cheer up some child that's wrecked my clothes and continues to stand there bawling when I've asked them to go away.
Since "it takes a village..." and all that I'd probably take the chance to increase their vocabulary further too.
After all, he's only five, a child FF ...err... FGS and should only ever hear affirmations.
The wee angel 😍

PS Pretty sure this poster isn't being serious btw

I’m not going to blame you or judge you for it happening. Accidents happen. You’re not a bad parent, you were under immense stress.

Equally, the woman must have got a huge fright and I can see why she shouted.

No good will come from ruminating on it.

Just try and forget about it it and move on.

i hope your dad is ok.

Yeah, no.

Actually if any of this is real considersble good will be done if OP "ruminated" on how she could easily have prevented this "accident"

I think OP has enough to "ruminate" worrying about her husband's job and her dad.
The incident is over now, she's learnt and her DS has learnt.
It's time to let go and move on.

But of course, there are always others who like to continue not letting her forget it.

There was no indication she'd learned anything.

I am confused you say that you "didn't stand up for him"????

He and you were in the wrong.. what you should've done is chastised him and told him off... what if he'd knocked a hot drink all over himself? Would that have been a customer or staff's fault????

Running about amock in a cafe/food place is not on. And at 5, he should know better.. you were on the phone, talking about something serious, and he decided to go mad... my kids, from the age of 2.. the word "sit" would've been enough, in fact they never did anything like this, they were taught manners.

And you did not replace the woman's meal or pay for dry cleaning?? Also, you don't know what she was going through that day.. think about that..

Control your kid by teaching him discipline & manners and do it now...

Why do I get the impression you didn’t offer to pay for a replacement meal, nor offer to have her clothes dry cleaned at your expense.

At 5 he shouldn’t be running around, you have him sat at the table in a public restaurant, and your eyes should be on him if he’s leaves the table. It’s done now, chalk it down to experience but watch him like a hawk going forward. He could have ran into a waiter etc carrying a piping hot meal and hurt himself. Did you offer to pay for the lady’s pasta?

I think you just chalk this up to experience OP. Your son can't be trusted to be left alone in public without proper supervision at the moment, so just make sure that doesn't happen again until he's able to. Your not a bad mother, just let it go now and move on.

Why has this thread been resurrected out of nowhere?