Lady yelled at my son, I feel like the worst mom in the world

[YourBoldCoralDog]

Hi everyone.

As background, my dad has been in the hospital for a month. He’s improving but slowly, and I go every day since my mom isn’t up to being able to follow what the doctors are saying. On Friday he was having a hard day, and my son (5) came with me because he was off school. My husband’s job has also been doing layoffs recently and there was going to be another round that day.

We left the hospital at 1pm - both of us were hungry and my son was restless. We went to a place right by the hospital since the hospital cafeteria area was very busy. Soon after we sat down, my husband called with the news he’s not being laid off but his hours are being cut and was trying to explain it to me. As I was talking to him, but son was up from his chair and playing around the table. By the time I got off the phone, he was running around.

I know this was a total mom fail, and I should’ve intercepted him sooner. But by the time I got up to do so, he’d tripped and knocked a woman’s pasta into her lap. She was probably 25ish, alone and having a glass of wine with lunch while she was reading. My son started crying immediately, and she exploded at him - her immediate reaction to it was to say “what the fuck”. When he started to cry she told him to get away from her and to go sit down like he should have been in the first place; he just stood there frozen and she said he was a brat who was acting like an animal. I rushed over and said I was so sorry but I didn’t appreciate her cussing at and insulting my son, and she said she didn’t appreciate having her lunch dumped in her lap because I’m “too lazy to watch my kid”, and she said something like she wouldn’t have had to say a word to him if I was doing my job.

I was starting to quietly cry too and the manager came up and said she was having our food packed and ushered me away. The staff was quite cold to me as I was paying for my takeaway, and I could see they were apologizing to the lady. I keep having flashbacks to this and feel ashamed at how my son acted, but also about how he saw I didn’t stand up for him in the moment as someone insulted him. Just having a rough time and feeling like a bad mom.

Arn’t you just lovely.

@BoeufBourguig
Very true ..

She could have spent a lot of money on her clothes- many of us do, we want to look nice. OP totally
should have given her some money.

Tbh the lady who was yelling needs to go see her doctor and see if her mental health is okay because no way is it normal to react like that to a child.

Nonsense,

I’d have been pretty annoyed if a child knocked food into my lap and I’d have been fuming if you told me off for swearing!

She's a troll.

You wouldn't get away with that excuse if you ran into someone's vehicle with your own. "Oh, she swore and became angry - so I'll tell my insurance company not to pay up."

As has been said ample times on this thread, we have no idea what the young woman's situation was - only that her outfit is now a mess and that she's not at home, therefore has no way of changing it.

Pasta sauce is notoriously difficult to get out. The outfit may well be ruined. The OP is responsible, irrespective of the young woman's reaction.

Yes I am actually.

If the staff were being frosty and rushing you out I’d have left without paying or collecting food…. I’d have gone else where.

Really????
So the restaurant is already down 1 meal (pasta in lap)
Maybe 2 meals (comp the poor woman her replacement meal for that having happened)
Now you expect them to be down 2 more meals by walking out!

Wow.
I don't know why I'm still shocked by the low standards on MN.

Where did OP say the lady was yelling?

In the title of the post. Very clearly.

And in the text she says (very clearly):

her immediate reaction to it was to say “what the fuck”. When he started to cry she told him to get away from her and to go sit down like he should have been in the first place; he just stood there frozen and she said he was a brat who was acting like an animal

I presume it's just the usual MN usage of "yelling" where anyone not cooing in honeyed tones is "yelling" or "screaming".
It sounds like she didn't even raise her voice when a hot plate of food landed unexpectedly in her lap - most people would, so hats off to her.

Absolutely it's also probably been uncomfortable for the staff there watching ops child's behaviour gradually escalate to running about which is obviously a concern for health and safety as they move breakables and hot food and drink around but as any of us who have worked in customer service know, its a 50/50 as to whether challenging a customer or their child is going to go down well - or if you'd be backed by your management. So they were probably frosty because they've been unfairly put in a no-win position as well.

How would you react if your lunch (possibly hot) was pushed in to your lap, ruining your clothes and plans for the day?

You were under pressure, he caused it accidentally, hopefully you offered to pay for the meal now forget it , have a word with your son about his behaviour , it doesn’t make you a bad mum ! So many on number with perfect children!

But from the description OP gave she wasn’t yelling

Totally agree with this. The last thing I’d do is pay for a meal/clothes for a woman that just swore at my child and insulted us both. I’d sooner let her take me to small claims court 😂 If she’d have reacted differently then absolutely, I would offer.

For the millionth time she did not swear at the child. She swore at having a plate of hot pasta unceremoniously dumped in her lap. And then told the child off, which god knows someone needed to, and the OP hadn't done her job of controlling said child, so I guess that was indeed up to the poor victim in this.

I suppose it's a lot easier to get aggressive with anyone who points out that your child is acting badly than it is to bring the child up decently in the first place and pay adequate attention to them.

Exactly, she said WTF. It’s more an exclamation of surprise. It’s not the same as saying “hey you wee fucking idiot ” for example.

I was teaching at a residential language school for teenage esl learners once and a ball went whizzing past me and another teachers head at lunchtime.

The teacher I was with shouted WTF, and the kids apologised and put the ball away. No, we generally didn’t swear at or in front of the teens but she was obviously taken by surprise. We would’ve been even more shocked had the ball knocked over one of our plates or cups. It’s an understandable reaction.

No-one (sensible) would’ve complained or reported back to their parents that the teacher swore at them.

What some people are conveniently ignoring is that the additional comments about the Op not doing her job only came AFTER she antagonised the woman further.

The fact that he had time to knock over food, and stand there rooted to the spot crying without OP intervening sooner shows he was poorly unsupervised and too far away from her under the circumstance. Does it make her a terrible person? No, but she just has to take the lesson and do better next time for everyone’s sake.

You can say something a million times, it doesn’t make it true. The fact is you weren’t there, and you don’t know whether she looked at the child and said “what the fuck?” or whether she exclaimed it into the universe. It’s a distinction which is clearly important to you, but doesn’t change the situation for me.

She swore within earshot of the child, in response to something the child did, in an unpleasant/angry way. She then followed up with insults. She’s a dick.

She said "What the fuck" because she was shocked by hot food being deposited in her lap. She didn't say "What the fuck are you doing, you fucking little shit?" which would be swearing at the child. She didn't say "Why the fuck weren't you fucking watching your child?" which would be swearing at the mother. She made a perfectly legitimate exclamation. There is a significant different between swearing, and swearing at someone, and by the OP's description this was clearly the former.

Is one good and one bad, or is one bad and one worse?

It’s not the same as saying “hey you wee fucking idiot"

😂😂😂