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Original poster

Lady yelled at my son, I feel like the worst mom in the world

446 replies

YourBoldCoralDog · 07/10/2025 20:47

Hi everyone.

As background, my dad has been in the hospital for a month. He’s improving but slowly, and I go every day since my mom isn’t up to being able to follow what the doctors are saying. On Friday he was having a hard day, and my son (5) came with me because he was off school. My husband’s job has also been doing layoffs recently and there was going to be another round that day.

We left the hospital at 1pm - both of us were hungry and my son was restless. We went to a place right by the hospital since the hospital cafeteria area was very busy. Soon after we sat down, my husband called with the news he’s not being laid off but his hours are being cut and was trying to explain it to me. As I was talking to him, but son was up from his chair and playing around the table. By the time I got off the phone, he was running around.

I know this was a total mom fail, and I should’ve intercepted him sooner. But by the time I got up to do so, he’d tripped and knocked a woman’s pasta into her lap. She was probably 25ish, alone and having a glass of wine with lunch while she was reading. My son started crying immediately, and she exploded at him - her immediate reaction to it was to say “what the fuck”. When he started to cry she told him to get away from her and to go sit down like he should have been in the first place; he just stood there frozen and she said he was a brat who was acting like an animal. I rushed over and said I was so sorry but I didn’t appreciate her cussing at and insulting my son, and she said she didn’t appreciate having her lunch dumped in her lap because I’m “too lazy to watch my kid”, and she said something like she wouldn’t have had to say a word to him if I was doing my job.

I was starting to quietly cry too and the manager came up and said she was having our food packed and ushered me away. The staff was quite cold to me as I was paying for my takeaway, and I could see they were apologizing to the lady. I keep having flashbacks to this and feel ashamed at how my son acted, but also about how he saw I didn’t stand up for him in the moment as someone insulted him. Just having a rough time and feeling like a bad mom.

OP posts:
Jimmyneutronsforehead · 08/10/2025 00:04

What's done is done.

Your son will get over it, you will be more attentive in future.

Yes, it was shitty what happened, and you should always prioritise your child in public and that means keeping them and others safe by not allowing running around in restaurants and cafes, but next time you will know what to do. "Sorry love, I can't talk on the phone right now, let's talk about this later" and get back to watching your son.

Kids also know when you're not giving them your full attention and that's when and somewhat why they choose these moments. He was just being a bored 5 year old, who'd just spent his time in a boring hospital, doing boring adult stuff.

Cut yourself some slack, you're going through a difficult time, and just chalk this one up to experience.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 08/10/2025 00:09

It doesn't sound like the end of the world for anyone involved to me. Your son spilt something in a stranger's lap and learned that the patience of adults is not infinite. It's ok.

nomas · 08/10/2025 00:12

YourBoldCoralDog · 07/10/2025 20:47

Hi everyone.

As background, my dad has been in the hospital for a month. He’s improving but slowly, and I go every day since my mom isn’t up to being able to follow what the doctors are saying. On Friday he was having a hard day, and my son (5) came with me because he was off school. My husband’s job has also been doing layoffs recently and there was going to be another round that day.

We left the hospital at 1pm - both of us were hungry and my son was restless. We went to a place right by the hospital since the hospital cafeteria area was very busy. Soon after we sat down, my husband called with the news he’s not being laid off but his hours are being cut and was trying to explain it to me. As I was talking to him, but son was up from his chair and playing around the table. By the time I got off the phone, he was running around.

I know this was a total mom fail, and I should’ve intercepted him sooner. But by the time I got up to do so, he’d tripped and knocked a woman’s pasta into her lap. She was probably 25ish, alone and having a glass of wine with lunch while she was reading. My son started crying immediately, and she exploded at him - her immediate reaction to it was to say “what the fuck”. When he started to cry she told him to get away from her and to go sit down like he should have been in the first place; he just stood there frozen and she said he was a brat who was acting like an animal. I rushed over and said I was so sorry but I didn’t appreciate her cussing at and insulting my son, and she said she didn’t appreciate having her lunch dumped in her lap because I’m “too lazy to watch my kid”, and she said something like she wouldn’t have had to say a word to him if I was doing my job.

I was starting to quietly cry too and the manager came up and said she was having our food packed and ushered me away. The staff was quite cold to me as I was paying for my takeaway, and I could see they were apologizing to the lady. I keep having flashbacks to this and feel ashamed at how my son acted, but also about how he saw I didn’t stand up for him in the moment as someone insulted him. Just having a rough time and feeling like a bad mom.

You need to watch your kid.

Instead of crying, I would have been offering to replace her meal and give her cash for dry cleaning her clothes.

You seem to feel zero responsibility.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
Teenagequeenwithaloadedgun · 08/10/2025 00:15

Strangecat · 07/10/2025 21:59

A bunch of judgemental, perfect mums on mumsnet!!! No empathy for OP at all!
The lady overreacted to a child and swore at a child! Hello!! it’s only foods! The OP apologised. I would have knocked the rest of her lunch and her glass of wine!
We all have off days, yes you should have kept a better eye on your DC. No point beating yourself up now. Take this as a lesson.

Thinking someone has made a mistake doesn't mean you think you're perfect, what a ridiculous response. You would have knocked the rest of her food and wine on the floor, too?

ComedyGuns · 08/10/2025 00:23

This sounds suspiciously like an AI post…

IndigoBluey · 08/10/2025 00:23

You should have been watching him given you say he was playing around tables while you were on the phone to your husband, the call could have waited. I would be annoyed if some kid was running awok and tipped a hot meal into my lap, honestly you are lucky it wasn’t a pot of boiling water

JustCabbaggeLooking · 08/10/2025 00:23

Bait thread🎣

vitalityvix · 08/10/2025 00:30

We all drop the ball from time to time; you did stick up for your son.

Okiedokie123 · 08/10/2025 00:33

Petitchat · 07/10/2025 21:05

@YourBoldCoralDog

Please don't expect to get any empathy or understanding on mumsnet nowadays.
It just ain't going to happen.

Sorry you're having a bad time at the moment, hope things improve soon ⚘

I agree that MN is far more of a mosh pit than it ever was years ago when I joined.
Its nonsense though to say that empathy or understanding is no longer a thing here because plenty of us show a lot of both.
But not when someone’s day is wrecked by having their lunch toppled into their lap by an unruly child. Everyone reacts differently to a surprise. Some calmly some not. Today this little chap encountered the latter. Lesson learnt hopefully (don’t run about in cafes!)
OP why didn’t you say to you dh “apologies but I can’t talk properly right now, let’s chat later” then you could have focused on your 5yo as you should have been.
Sorry you’ve been having such a tough time, hoping things get easier soon.

vitalityvix · 08/10/2025 00:33

nomas · 08/10/2025 00:12

You need to watch your kid.

Instead of crying, I would have been offering to replace her meal and give her cash for dry cleaning her clothes.

You seem to feel zero responsibility.

Show quote history

This is very odd to me. If you accidentally spill someone’s drink and they call you a cunt, do you offer to replace it?

DirtyMartinii · 08/10/2025 00:45

JustCabbaggeLooking · 08/10/2025 00:23

Bait thread🎣

Course it is ! It’s fun responding though until ‘Mumsnet are taking a look behind the scenes’

Ratafia · 08/10/2025 00:59

but also about how he saw I didn’t stand up for him in the moment as someone insulted him

She didn't insult him. She reacted in an entirely understandable way to having her peaceful lunch ruined by a child who should have known better. There was nothing you could reasonably have stood up for.

Incidentally, why didn't you pay for her meal and for cleaning her clothes?

Ratafia · 08/10/2025 01:01

vitalityvix · 08/10/2025 00:33

This is very odd to me. If you accidentally spill someone’s drink and they call you a cunt, do you offer to replace it?

Show quote history

If you have spilt the drink through a completely avoidable bit of stupidity, then yes, I think you do.

Greeniemean · 08/10/2025 01:23

I agree with most pp. I don’t understand people like Op. They probably won’t come
back to the thread as it’s not the response they wanted.

I mean I would never swear at a kid, and don’t agree with that part. I’d have directed my ire to the parent/responsible adult - but I think she took out her anger on him in the moment when really she was raging at whoever was responsible for him letting him behave like that. But as pp have said we also don’t know what she was going through!

The parenting fail was not failing to defend your child, it was letting them get into that position in the first place and then not role modelling good behaviour.

You missed a great opportunity to show him what it means to apologise sincerely and to make amends instead of centring yourself as the victim .

Instead you’re feeling sorry for yourself when you probably ruined that woman’s day.

ETA: I’ve just reread the post and I see the woman just said “what the fuck” which tbf is an understandable automatic exclamation , it’s not like she called Ops kid a “fucking brat” for example.

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 01:24

Oof, I don't think the OP will be coming back.

nomas · 08/10/2025 01:29

vitalityvix · 08/10/2025 00:33

This is very odd to me. If you accidentally spill someone’s drink and they call you a cunt, do you offer to replace it?

Show quote history

No one called anyone a cunt.

nomas · 08/10/2025 01:29

vitalityvix · 08/10/2025 00:33

This is very odd to me. If you accidentally spill someone’s drink and they call you a cunt, do you offer to replace it?

Show quote history

No one called anyone a cunt.

soverymuchdone · 08/10/2025 01:33

ComedyGuns · 08/10/2025 00:23

This sounds suspiciously like an AI post…

It's stuffed with Americanisms yet the 5yo is 'off school'? You would expect a US child of that age to be in kindergarten rather than school, and certainly not having Fridays off for no reason. Or maybe he just got excluded for being feral. Who knows.

Tourmalines · 08/10/2025 01:48

Okay, so you gave a story about what’s going on in your life with your dad and your husband’s job, but you have no idea what this woman was going through . Did you get your son to apologise ? and really you should’ve offered to buy her another meal . It’s a hard lesson for your son to learn but it has to start somewhere. Actions have consequences.

tiredangry · 08/10/2025 01:49

You are having a tough time. And you had a parenting fail - which doesn't make you a bad mum. This is done and you don't need to dwell on it too much as long as you don't repeat something like this - he could have tripped a waiter with hot drinks and he could have got burnt, he could have exited the restaurant into the road etc. It didn't happen, luckily.

That said, it was a very unfortunate parenting fail. The woman must have been so almightily fucked off at her lunch being a) wasted and b) all over her clothes (she was not going to be carrying spares quite clearly!) - and also c) the waste of her time and spoiling of her lunch out. Depending on the material and the sauce, the clothes could be permanently ruined. And the restaurant must also have been extremely fucked off that they would have to replace the food (costing them money) and also try to help the woman get cleaned up.

I'm not surprised she said what the fuck in shock and I'm also not surprised she told him to sit down like he should have been. Hopefully this incident will teach him never to wander restaurants. I don't think she was unreasonable. Children do need to learn consequences.

I do think it was reasonable of the staff to shoo you out with a takeaway box.

dailyconniptions · 08/10/2025 02:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

'Would of" doesn't mean anything. You mean would have?

NorthernLass2025 · 08/10/2025 02:30

I'm sorry if I can go out on my own with 3 under 4 and still take phone calls when needed and watch them then you really need to work out your parenting. I would be mortified if they were walking around never mind running and damaging peoples clothes and food. There's a place to play and there's a place to learn to sit. I hope you offered to pay for another meal and drink and clean clothes that's what I would have done

pontivex · 08/10/2025 02:53

it’s hard when you think you are a good parent but take your eye off the ball and feel judged. Also the horror of the ‘flashbacks’ too.

The woman’s reaction was quite proportionate though. If that was me I would have popped out for lunch while working at a clients, probably mid 14 hour day , potentially hundreds of miles away from home and DH for weeks, just wanted to get some headspace and now faced with no lunch and a taxi back to a hotel for a change (and a big dry cleaning bill) because I can’t go to a board meeting with arribiata in my lap. I would have been hopping mad and said probably worse.

Also if the kid is upset at being shouted at then it’s a very good learning experience to not do that shit again. Children need to realise they are not the centre of the earth and their actions can negatively impact others and reflect badly on them. He’s not scarred for life, quite the opposite.

Maybe some of the ‘omg if sumone spoke to my child like that they’d of got there wine in they’re face the biatch’ ‘mummabear’ types should think about that but I’m also guessing they are the ones would kick off at schoolteachers too

CrystalShoe · 08/10/2025 03:00

These things happen. I'm sure the woman must have received a shock at having her food knocked into her lap, but calling a 5-year-old names and swearing at him, in the middle of a bunch of other harsh stuff too, is really not on, in my book. Yes, it's annoying, but he's just a kid, and it was just an accident. I cannot imagine using the F word to a child or calling him a brat. And unlike others here, I don't think 5 is old enough to control himself and not run around all the time. As you know, ideally you wouldn't have been distracted on the phone, but it was an important call and you have a lot going on. Give yourself a break. 💖

MNdrama · 08/10/2025 03:06

YourBoldCoralDog · 07/10/2025 20:47

Hi everyone.

As background, my dad has been in the hospital for a month. He’s improving but slowly, and I go every day since my mom isn’t up to being able to follow what the doctors are saying. On Friday he was having a hard day, and my son (5) came with me because he was off school. My husband’s job has also been doing layoffs recently and there was going to be another round that day.

We left the hospital at 1pm - both of us were hungry and my son was restless. We went to a place right by the hospital since the hospital cafeteria area was very busy. Soon after we sat down, my husband called with the news he’s not being laid off but his hours are being cut and was trying to explain it to me. As I was talking to him, but son was up from his chair and playing around the table. By the time I got off the phone, he was running around.

I know this was a total mom fail, and I should’ve intercepted him sooner. But by the time I got up to do so, he’d tripped and knocked a woman’s pasta into her lap. She was probably 25ish, alone and having a glass of wine with lunch while she was reading. My son started crying immediately, and she exploded at him - her immediate reaction to it was to say “what the fuck”. When he started to cry she told him to get away from her and to go sit down like he should have been in the first place; he just stood there frozen and she said he was a brat who was acting like an animal. I rushed over and said I was so sorry but I didn’t appreciate her cussing at and insulting my son, and she said she didn’t appreciate having her lunch dumped in her lap because I’m “too lazy to watch my kid”, and she said something like she wouldn’t have had to say a word to him if I was doing my job.

I was starting to quietly cry too and the manager came up and said she was having our food packed and ushered me away. The staff was quite cold to me as I was paying for my takeaway, and I could see they were apologizing to the lady. I keep having flashbacks to this and feel ashamed at how my son acted, but also about how he saw I didn’t stand up for him in the moment as someone insulted him. Just having a rough time and feeling like a bad mom.

Not surprised you didn't post this in AIBU... you just know it would've been nearly 100% YABU