Lady yelled at my son, I feel like the worst mom in the world

[YourBoldCoralDog]

Hi everyone.

As background, my dad has been in the hospital for a month. He’s improving but slowly, and I go every day since my mom isn’t up to being able to follow what the doctors are saying. On Friday he was having a hard day, and my son (5) came with me because he was off school. My husband’s job has also been doing layoffs recently and there was going to be another round that day.

We left the hospital at 1pm - both of us were hungry and my son was restless. We went to a place right by the hospital since the hospital cafeteria area was very busy. Soon after we sat down, my husband called with the news he’s not being laid off but his hours are being cut and was trying to explain it to me. As I was talking to him, but son was up from his chair and playing around the table. By the time I got off the phone, he was running around.

I know this was a total mom fail, and I should’ve intercepted him sooner. But by the time I got up to do so, he’d tripped and knocked a woman’s pasta into her lap. She was probably 25ish, alone and having a glass of wine with lunch while she was reading. My son started crying immediately, and she exploded at him - her immediate reaction to it was to say “what the fuck”. When he started to cry she told him to get away from her and to go sit down like he should have been in the first place; he just stood there frozen and she said he was a brat who was acting like an animal. I rushed over and said I was so sorry but I didn’t appreciate her cussing at and insulting my son, and she said she didn’t appreciate having her lunch dumped in her lap because I’m “too lazy to watch my kid”, and she said something like she wouldn’t have had to say a word to him if I was doing my job.

I was starting to quietly cry too and the manager came up and said she was having our food packed and ushered me away. The staff was quite cold to me as I was paying for my takeaway, and I could see they were apologizing to the lady. I keep having flashbacks to this and feel ashamed at how my son acted, but also about how he saw I didn’t stand up for him in the moment as someone insulted him. Just having a rough time and feeling like a bad mom.

I think OP had a lot more on her plate than the other lady since hers was in her lap lol.

Sorry OP but you really can’t make excuses for this. At the very least the lady deserved a replacement meal and sincere apology.

Another one of those weird American sounding posters with an even stranger thread. One a day just lately.

Sensible, compassionate, non-judgmental reply with sound advice.

MN is batshit atm. We need more of this kind of thing.

That's just not very nice. Where I live this sort of intolerant attitude to the fact that children are not miniature adults and will sometimes be loud or wild and annoying is accepted.

Adults being nasty to small children very much is not. Children don't learn to be pleasant by being yelled and sworn at.
Model the behaviour you want to see and all that (yes, including when the child isn't yours, we live in a society).

You sound nice 🙄

Bad parenting and your kid was being a brat. I’d have swore at him too probably out of shock at having my meal tipped into my lap.

What?

Has it not occurred to you that, given the cafe is adjacent to the hospital, she may well have been having a fucking awful day too? Before your child dumped hot food in her lap.

But, but, but, the bad lady used a bad word to my perfect angel.

She probably swore because a piping hot bowl of pasta fell in her lap. I know I would have out of pure shock and possibly pain.

Not the reply you are probably looking for but this was a fail on your part. A 5 year old should know better than to run around like an idiot in a restaurant. Kids have their moments but to be so out of control he’s knocked food and drink onto a complete strangers lap shows he wasn’t just wandering about and you should have stopped him long before it got to that stage. It sounds like his behaviour was probably an annoyance to the staff before this incident and that was the icing on the cake for them which is why they got you out so quickly. I don’t really understand how you couldn’t have told your husband to hang on, told your son to sit down and then carried on your conversation.

As to her shouting at your son, not nice, but someone had to because clearly you weren’t doing anything before it got to the stage it did. I’m sure it’s a lesson learnt for him.

This also should have been a teaching moment for your son, you should have apologised to the lady, offered to replace her meal and made your son apologise as well. I wouldn’t have been defending my son at that point unless the women really started shouting a torrent of abuse.

A 5 year old should know how to behave in public. You need to be watching your child in public if you know he can’t behave, he could have burnt the woman or himself if the food was very hot.

Changednamesorry

Sorry I just reread the original post.
I can imagine saying "what the fuck" at the pasta spill but I absolutely would NOT have continued like this "When he started to cry she told him to get away from her and to go sit down like he should have been in the first place; he just stood there frozen and she said he was a brat who was acting like an animal" and neither would anyone I know that is outrageous, he's 5 years old!

I can imagine continuing along those lines.
If I'd had my plate suddenly knocked into my lap, after the original yelp and swearing (I'm more of a "Bloody hell!" person myself) I'd have certainly told the child to get away from me and go and sit down. By then his mother should have appeared. But he stayed there crying and there was enough time for this woman to say he was a brat who was acting like an animal (tbf, I'd have probably kept telling him to go away or started asking loudly who was with him) before his mother appeared.
How big was this place, I wonder, or had he gone quite a long way away from OP.
A lot happened before she turned up, had a go at the woman who was wearing her lunch in her lap, and then started "quietly crying".

I’m 47 and single so definitely having just the one thanks. Not that it is any business of yours.
I have no desire for a brat pack. I love having a beautifully mannered, intelligent child that isn’t an embarrassment.

Ha, you've prob the mockers on it now, saying that. Something is going happen now in a very public place and you're going to be a hugely embarrassed mum! 😀

All I am saying is that your child might be well behaved because she is just....well behaved so be careful about being too judgemental and telling someone else about what they should be doing as a parent in order to achieve the same excellent results you have been lucky enough to have with your own daughter. You might have done exactly the same with a different child and they might have been more rebellious.

Anyway, comments like "brat pack" and your fairly hostile and snappy response show that a) you don't appear to like children very much and b) perhaps you could learn from your daughter's manners as I have not been rude to you.

Looks like we found the five year old, judging by the level of literacy displayed here. Either that or someone needs to lay off the wine…

I don't think this is a genuine post.

Have people lost their fucking minds?
No adult should be swearing or shouting at a 5yr old!

She sounds like a horrible cunt Op you should have put her in her place!

OP did. Right before the cafe owners sent her packing and she cried like she was the victim (she wasn't).

I'm not a perfect parent and my kids are certainly not perfect. I have a pack of them and two with ADHD. Even they knew to sit down at a cafe when they were 5 and younger. Otherwise I wouldn't have thought it appropriate to take them somewhere they weren't ready for.

And you sound like a nasty little misogynist to be using language like that.

We’re all capable of losing our cool and saying things we shouldn’t in moments of stress/shock with our adrenaline pumping. I once swore at a boy of around 8 who was messing around on a downwards escalator and knocked over my 7 year old DD - I only just managed to grab her arm and stop her falling all the way down. She could have been seriously injured or even killed. At least the mother in that incident was appropriately contrite.

And it’s entirely possible this woman was having a day just as bad or even worse than the OP’s. Who’s to say she hadn’t been visiting one of her parents in hospital?

I hardly ever swear but I guarantee that if a parent allowed their child to run around uncontrolled and tip pasta on to me I'd swear. I bet most people would.

She didn't swear at the kid. Swearing at the kid would be "Fuck off you fucking little shit!", for example. She said "What the fuck!" which is a perfectly reasonable exclamation when you are minding your own business and suddenly have your piping hot lunch dumped in your lap.

You don’t need to stick up for your child when your child is in the wrong.

But there weren't two wrongs- just the OP's poor parenting.

She said ''what the fuck'' because she suddenly had hot food in her lap which is a perfectly reasonable response. It wasn't as if she told your son to fuck off.

She managed to say a lot to your son considering that you ''rushed'' over.

I'm sorry but isn't a genuine apology which didn't help either.