Can’t do anything with newborn baby

[areandare]

My baby is almost 8 weeks old and I love him so much, but I can’t do anything with him. At the start he would sleep in his Moses basket in the day so I was able to get things done, but now he will not sleep in the days unless he’s in my arms. I used to be able to take him places, shopping, cafes etc, but now there’s no point as he just screams the whole time and it isn’t enjoyable.

I can’t do any housework, my washing basket is overflowing, I don’t eat anymore because I don’t even get a second to do that, my life just feels like a continuous loop of hell right now. He’s good through the nights which is one positive, but the second we get up at 7am for the day the nightmare begins.

My partner works but is useless so doesn’t really help much when he gets home as he’s ‘tired’ and goes to sleep before his last feed of the night and doesn’t do any night feeds as he has to get up for work. I have a very supportive family but don’t want to lean on them too much as they all work full time too.

Im just dreading every day at the moment, the only time he’s not crying is when he’s asleep in my arms. Please tell me it gets better I miss being able to eat a meal and relax 😢

It does get better, hang in there. I used to wrap mine in a baby sling. I'd get loads done that way.

Sometimes it’s ok to let him cry for a bit - for example, pop him in a bouncer on the kitchen floor, and chat away to him happily (even if he’s crying) while you make a sandwich or something. This is what I did - I couldn’t wear a sling/carrier because of an issue with my shoulder.

Your partner needs to buck up, and realise that yes, he’s tired from work, but you haven’t been spending your day relaxing either! I used to practically throw DD at DH when he got home from work because I just needed to not be holding her. Giving him the baby and taking half an hour to do some housework with my headphones in was a blessed relief.

@menopausalfartive tried that, he just screams the house down 😔

@ShesTheAlbatrossthank you, I just find it so hard when he’s screaming crying and feel so bad for him.

I agree, he has a full nights sleep, goes to work, comes home, holds baby for 30 mins while I shower then spends his night relaxing watching tv etc. I don’t think he realises that this is like a full time job, I’d rather be back in work the way things are now!

As above, you need to offload on your DH. Plenty of people work and have babies. There's no excuse.

I could have written this post with my eldest. I did gradually find things that helped & as they get bigger they become easier to hold one handed. I spent a lot of time just sitting watching TV or on my computer. Chores had to wait until there was a 2nd adult home. Is your little one gaining weight well? (Mine wasn't). Things that helped - music, sadly just certain tracks, so those are now forever associated with that period of my life. A baby bouncer with a vibrate setting & music playing would give me just long enough to shower quickly. As she grew and could do more it got better. Sending solidarity because I know how hard it is. Is there a friend or family member who could come by and help you occasionally?

@menopausalfartthank you, I totally agree. He complains about him crying in the evening for the 30 mins that he is watching him, I tell him I cope with this all day and get on with it I’m sure 30 mins won’t kill you

• You need a sling
• DP needs a kick up the arse. If he was single then he would need to do the washing, cooking and cleaning and still parent his child. Although it sound like he maybe crap at that.
• Your baby will get easier.

You have a partner problem not a baby problem. When DD was that age DH did everything - worked full time, did all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, made me a sandwich before going to work, so all I had to do was look after DD.

You shouldn’t have to do this but you need to sort this out before it becomes embedded and 5 years down the line you have 2 more kids and he’s still a waste of space.

Make it very clear to him what he does, which, right now is pretty much everything.

@Orchidgrowerthank you so much, it’s so reassuring to know that it does get better. He is gaining weight very well, there are no issues in that department but I do think he may be a bit colicky as he seems uncomfortable sometimes as though he’s straining but we give him infacol and he burps ok so I’m not sure.

I’ll try those tips, some days he’s ok but some days he just cries all day long then I’m worrying that something is wrong. Luckily I have a very supportive family and my mum pops in pretty much every day to give me a break, but his father should be doing that I shouldn’t have to rely on my mum so I don’t like to ask even though I know she doesn’t mind at all

Can your dh prep you snacks /lunch that you grab and eat with one hand ? You need to make sure you are feeding yourself and keeping hydrated. A baby carrier / sling might be worth a try.
can you afford a cleaner temporarily

@Winterscomingbrrri have a sling, the first time I put him in it it was great but every time since he has just screamed. Exactly!! I told him this, if we ever broke up he would have to do it all on his days I don’t think he realises how lucky he is, he doesn’t even do the washing etc so I have to try and get all of that done in the (non existent) breaks that I may have throughout the day.

Thank you, it doesn’t feel like it right now but I do hope it gets easier soon x

Is little one gaining weight well, happy feeding? Any trouble with wind? Any signs of reflux, silent reflux, or CMPA? Those seem less likely if he's fairly content at night, but still worth reading the symptom list to check.

Is there a sling library anywhere near you? Not all slings suit all babies or all parents. Neither of mine would entertain the soft, stretchy wrap that is supposed to be perfect for the newborn period. An ergobaby 360, however, was deemed quite acceptable for reasonable periods.

As much as hearing the sound of crying is heartbreaking sometimes you've got to let him cry (if you've done the obvious and checked nappy, fed etc).
As someone said get a bouncy baby seat.
Put him in it while you eat lunch, sort the washing and whatnot.
Talk to him in calm relaxed way. He won't yet understand "Mummy is just eating her lunch" but say it anyway. When done you can pick him back up and say "There, lunch all done. Mummy can hold you now".
He won't understand the words but he will start to pickup on the tone of the conversation.
This will gradually make him realise he hasn't been abandoned by you and you're right there.
Also kick your husband up his arse. That might make baby laugh 🙂

@Ddakjithat is so lovely, I wish my partner was like that. He’s very good in some ways, but he doesn’t appreciate that I desperately need a break. He’ll come home from work and make us both food, but I’d much rather him hold the baby and me make the food so that I can have a break. He insists that we eat together but will let me struggle and eat with one hand while holding the baby

It won’t really get easier if your partner doesn’t step up. Are you going to speak to him and get him onboard? Because honestly, you may as well throw him out now.

All the slings in the world won’t make up for a waste of space father.

No - he isn’t good. Don’t allow yourself to feel you and your baby aren’t worth a lot more.

@areandare don't hold the baby while you try to eat your dinner.
Baby needs to either in a bouncy seat or one of those high chairs with a newborn style seat.

You have to eat mate, put the baby down for a bit. Ask your mum to stick a wash on or make you a bolognese for later on - I bet she’d be up for helping out.

When you don't have anyone at home, try a baby wrap. Mine hated slings but loved being wrapped on my back. It meant we could go out without lugging a pram around.

My baby was like this and it was a dairy allergy. She also wasn't gaining weight very well tho so🤷🏼‍♀️ Maybe worth a try tho. We did Colief drops for a bit which were magic then I went DF and it was even more magic and then weaned her on to DF formula and she is a different child (now 12 weeks). She was obviously uncomfortable all that time 🥲 Might not be the case for you but thought I'd share. The first few weeks with her were hell as you say 😞

Also yes absolutely it does get easier.💐🥰 My oldest is 20 months now and honestly I can't even remember the baby days with him, except I know it was awful and exhausting. It really does fade eventually and he is the second love of my life now 😁

The washing can wait. The house mess can wait.
You must eat, sleep and shower when you can. It does come down to survival mode.
But it passes. It really does.

Sorry also I should have said fully agree with pp's about your partner tho, even if baby was great and happy all day ffs

Your partner is an asshat op and you need to somehow establish the roles and responsibilities here pronto or you’ll be run into the ground and hate him within 12 months. Plus it’s not your job to do his washing etc so stop all that until he steps up and helps you.

My DH didn't have a hot meal for weeks. He'd come home from work and either take baby or if I was feeding, cook dinner. He'd then insist on holding the baby so I could eat a hot meal and if baby cries, he cried. DH would walk, bounce, soothe as best he could and would eat with one hand of the baby was settled but i always ate.
Your DP needs to sort himself out and you need to stop taking the baby back and let him deal with things.