Can’t do anything with newborn baby

[areandare]

My baby is almost 8 weeks old and I love him so much, but I can’t do anything with him. At the start he would sleep in his Moses basket in the day so I was able to get things done, but now he will not sleep in the days unless he’s in my arms. I used to be able to take him places, shopping, cafes etc, but now there’s no point as he just screams the whole time and it isn’t enjoyable.

I can’t do any housework, my washing basket is overflowing, I don’t eat anymore because I don’t even get a second to do that, my life just feels like a continuous loop of hell right now. He’s good through the nights which is one positive, but the second we get up at 7am for the day the nightmare begins.

My partner works but is useless so doesn’t really help much when he gets home as he’s ‘tired’ and goes to sleep before his last feed of the night and doesn’t do any night feeds as he has to get up for work. I have a very supportive family but don’t want to lean on them too much as they all work full time too.

Im just dreading every day at the moment, the only time he’s not crying is when he’s asleep in my arms. Please tell me it gets better I miss being able to eat a meal and relax 😢

Actually, I think eating together is fine, but you need to take turns at who is one-handed. Also if you both have a scissors on hand then that makes it a lot easier to cut up food bite size and eat with one hand.

We had meals together every night, sharing holding the baby. The partner here sounds useless.

Aww it's such a hard time. Don't feel guilty for asking your Mum for help am sure she gets it and Wants to help you! As others have said though your partner doesn't just get to come home from work and put his feet up! He needs to take a days annual leave where he's home alone with the baby...then he'll see how hard it is. Honestly. He should at the very least be doing the housework and cooking.

It will get easier but your DH can 100% set washing to wash overnight then he can hang it up etc before he toddles off to work and he can bring it in or put it away after he finishes work etc. My DH wfh and he's now in charge of most/all of the washing. My DH used to also make me a sandwich and pop in fridge for me to have at lunchtime if my DC were crying a lot etc that day. Your DH life shouldn't carry on as normal whilst yours falls apart. Those first few months are incredibly tough at times so just know you are not alone ❤️

Hi There. Is there any possibility the baby has silent reflux. My child needed medication and also saw child osteopath the difference amazing. Also hold baby upright for 20 mins after feeding see if this helps.

I agree your partner needs to be helping more. You will get through this. Hang in there

I could’ve written this post a year ago, so please accept this as a message of solidarity! I didn’t believe people telling me at the time, but I promise it does get better 💕 my boy was a velcro baby screaming whenever he was put down until he passed the ‘4 month leap’, and then it (slowly!) got better and better from there. To echo pps, trying to get out everyday really does make a difference too, just for your own sanity! Do you have any children’s centres/family hubs or similar near you that host a pathways programme? Ours was the same group of new mums for 13 weeks and I honestly don’t know where I would be without them, knowing you’re going through these things at the same time as others and the validation you get from talking about it with them is SUCH a relief when you’re in the thick of it! And don’t feel like a burden asking for help from other people, either! If you’d help them out, surely they’d want to help you, too? 🌸

Try baby wearing… worked well for me.
I found it gets easier after 12 weeks so hang in there

It gets better.

You’re his whole world right now, don’t worry about anything not essential. Try to eat when you can.

You’re doing an amazing thing loving and taking care of your beautiful baby.

Has he got silent reflux? My DGC had this, it was awful. Speak to your Health visitor or GP and get that useless DP to help out, he can put a load in the washing machine and cook a meal

Edited for typo

My son was the same, contact napped and wouldn't be put down, wouldn't even sit in baby seat or lie in basket next to me wbike I bustled. A carrier helped but not much, my husband and I just did everything in the evening and it was very much a time of drudgery. But he grew out of it and then I had glorious two hour naps while he was in his cot (at ten months 😆) to do things. He also woke alot in the evenings so my husband and I were ship's in the night or like coworkers on the same project.

But it all passed as it always does, he's two now and seems a long time ago. Try mot to compare to the unicorn babies people have who sleep anywhere and all the time and who lie and gurgle goof naturedly while parents bustle and sort stuff out.

Very normal. Some babies are just like this. Not all. I couldn’t put mine down ever for the first 4/5 months 😂 a clinger x 100. I found it easier when I accepted this as opposed to fighting it. It will get better. Jobs can wait. Your partner does need to help when he gets home though. Your job with the newborn is a 24 hour job. His is not.
ps my 3 year old is now a delight

He needs to adapt like you have to the baby, this eating together with a newborn isn't always helpful. You want to eat in peace surely, that should be the priority. No job I've ever done is as hard as taking care of a baby all day, bloody hell he shouldn't be coming home to chill! My husband was 50/50 and in fact did most of the housework as I'd have an emergency section, we didn't eat together til kiddo was much older. It just is a survival time and the more he embraces that and isn't trying to do things his way the better for you, and his relationship with you. I remember handing over the baby to my husband when he finished work and the BLISS of putting on headphones and washing the dishes , that little break just so important. I had a refluxy cmpa baby so don't think I could have done it without hubby.

I think of it as I've been working all day with baby, husbands been working all day at job, when he comes home he works with baby and I do other job which was cooking or housework etc and vice versa. You're both working in your own way and unlike you he isn't ppst partum.

If he isn't going to change then do lean on family, theyll want to help!

So sorry you’re going through this. Like some pps I don’t think constant crying/ screaming is normal in a newborn (I’ve had three). Have you looked into reflux l, dairy allergy or CMPA? Are you combo feeding by any chance? My baby I tried to combi feed was like this and actually it turned out he just wasn’t tolerating formula and had CMPA (apparently this is common with combi feeding that this can develop). When I moved to EBF it was like my baby had been swapped. He was so happy and settled, I felt terrible I hadn’t realised earlier (it was about eight weeks in). I hesitate to post this as feeding choices are so personal and there’s already enough pressure, and personally I actually really didn’t want to EBF (I’m self employed and had other kids and needed to get back to work!) but in his case switching between the breastmilk and the formula was too much for his stomach, and that what was causing the constant crying and screaming. No one really mentioned to me this could happen with combi feeding so just thought I’d put it out there. If I were you I’d try and get some good GP advice. Good luck

It does get better in promise!
I too had a 'velcro " baby and it really is hard.
I basically spent my whole 5mths maternity leave sat with a baby in my lap feeding or sleeping! No housework no food or drink some days. I oy showered when my husband got home and relieved me for 20mins and even then I was told to hurry up..... 🙄🙄🙄
Hang on in there. They are only tiny for such a small space of time xx

Welcome to the rest of your life of not being able to get anything done bwcuase of the kids.
But honestly, you just have to go with the flow. Things won't get done and thats ok.
Be kind to yourself.
I found the ages 0 to 5 the hardest. Then they become more independant. But you just have to accept things will not get done.

Go to your local sling library and find a sling that works for you so you can do your housework. Please don’t just buy the first one you find off-line go and get properly fitted and find one that works for you and the baby mostly libraries higher them out for 5 to £15 a month then you can probably buy a secondhand one on Vinted if money is tight or just order one that you like in the pattern you want They’re an absolute game changer

Also OP if you suspect he is uncomfortable with wind then warm baths, bicycle legs and those ‘windi’ fart whistle things from Amazon are a godsend! (I know it sounds weird but they do help!!)

That was me when my LG was born its so hard! Some things helped me

1. Speak to your HV there is tons of extra support groups they can refer you to. Looking after you is no1 priority!!
2. Get a baby sling! Best thing in the world I was able to get so much done with one!
3. Tell partner to get his finger out! Your all tired!! Only difference is his job ends and he gets to relax but you dont! He needs to do something to help even if its waiting uo for the last feed to allow you a couple of hours! Thing is your both parents you both have to put the work in otherwise your gonna burn out

Hope some of this helps its so hard especially when your partner is not helping but it gets easier i promise ❤️

My first was a velcro baby. He would not be put down and didn't sleep in his own bed, ever, until he was 5 and even then rarely. He had bad colic and cried a lot because of that, but it did pass. Everything is a phase, the difficult stuff wont last for ever.

Different slings work for different babies. For him, I used a baby bjorn carrier which worked well as he had good visibility of the world & being held in a straight-ish position seemed to help with the colic. When I was doing chores or walking somewhere it would bounce the burps out.

As others have said, housework really isn't that important comparted to this precious time with your newborn. If you try to fit around what works for him rather than getting him to fit to your routine it will be less frustrating - you just have to accept that some days you will get nothing done, and that's fine.

Accept help from your family and friends - you would help them, wouldn't you - people want to help. I was a single mum with DS1 and had lots of f&f support, people who developed a strong relationship with him from the get go so he has always had lots of trusted adults in his life.

And of course your DH needs to step up!

1. Get a sling
2. Make a list of jobs your partner needs to done every evening.

My husband used to come home from a long day at work to hoover, do the washing, the bins, load and unload the dishwasher and clean. He had a busy job too.

You have to be really strong with your partner, he's a problem.

Please don’t accept this utterly shit behaviour from your husband.

This is his child and he needs to step up.

No wonder you feel frazzled.

i know you didnt post about him but seriously… your newborn can only be a newborn. Your husband has got the ability to help relieve some of the pressure you’re feeling and is actively choosing not too. He wants his absolute arse handing to him.

You need to get that sorted with your partner now.
He’s a parent, just the same as you.
Hes not there to help, he’s there to parent.
What happens on his days off?

Just reading this and one thing I forgot to mention my LG is lactose intolerant and we didn't find out till after she was a year old! Push for the lacto free milk Dr's can be asses about it but if your baby is that uncomfortable and none of the other stuff is working push for it

babies change so fast. He’s only 2 months, it will be different at 3 months, and at 4 months etc so don’t worry this isn’t forever. Even though it feels like it

He 'insists'?

You know you can tell him where to shove that, don't you?

Will you be planning to go back to work when your mat leave ends?

Good luck with that, with that twat around

I’ve been there, my first was like this, although she also screamed all night! Like a switch it calmed at 12 weeks, but I remember that feeling at 8 weeks where I was questioning my life decisions!

Things that worked, swaddling, baby sling, very loud hairdryer noise on a loop on a speaker at nap time. The screaming got worse if I missed the sleep window signs. First yawn, get them down. We had to be rigid about napping, black out blinds in the room and on the buggy etc. But it worked, and at 12 weeks got much easier and got some solid naps during the day which allowed space to tidy up/chill.

i used Baby Whisperer solves all your problems book and it did save my sanity as it explained all these stages and gave gentle techniques to get through. Although the hairdryer was an accidental discovery when I was drying my hair and she just stopped crying.