Night Nurses/Nannies for New Born

[NewBorn2025]

Could I possibly get help with your reviews on night nannies and nurses in London, did you use them for your new born, how did you recruit them, what do they do when the baby is sleeping at night? By night nannies, I am referring to service providers that come into your home in the evening and stay till the morning to look after your baby.

We had a new born recently. The boy is a few weeks old. I am thinking about hiring a night nanny or nurse for the new born.

I work about 17 - 18 hours including commuting. To support the family, will need to get back to work. My partner is nursing herself after a traumatic birth experience, I expect her to recover fully after a few months. I expect our new born to become more difficult and demanding as he goes through growth sprout from week 4 to week 12. I am thinking the week 12 as a milestone.

• My partner is on a maternity leave for a year.
• My income is 3 if not 4 times that of my partner's.
• We do have a mortgage, monthly commitment, not a large amount.
• I don't work from home.
• We do have some savings say live for a year without work at the current rate of spending.
• Night nannies seem to be around £200 - 300 a night (?) which we can afford with my income for a few nights or business days without using savings.
• My partner does not like the idea of night nannies or getting any other individual involved, not to mention a significant saving you achieve by not hiring a night nurse.
• Family member help is not an option for us.
• We already have gadgets/gimmicks that you can buy that are supposed to make your life slightly easier such as UV steriliser, electronic bottle maker, multiple bottles to make washing manageable, air extraction device etc.

I am trying to think logically. I cannot think at the moment of any other solution than night nurses or nannies till the week 12 unless I want to sleep even less than I do today which is about 4 - 5 hours.

My personal beliefs (you might disagree with some of them) are

• The baby at this stage does not see or comprehend emotional attachments or bonds the same way as we do (these seem to me advanced concepts which need to be learned over time and not given innately, if given innately why we have serial killers...). They don't understand routines either. The priority for guardians is to feed the baby, change and keep him in a safe place. Values to help him make better decisions in future can be taught at later stages.
• The baby will settle into outside world with time and become more manageable especially at night as their stomach gets larger and they can hold their waste longer in their body. They do not need night nurses or nannies after a while.

I could easily have afforded it but would not have contemplated letting another woman have my newborn overnight, I barely wanted to have him apart from me long enough to go to the loo. However, I didn't have a traumatic or physically damaging birth experience to recover from (easy, planned CS). And i knew I was going back to work when he was 3 months old, so wanted to have as much time with him as possible when he was new. So it depends very much on the individual and I wouldn't judge anyone by by own decisions.

You need to drop this. This is the key point here:

"My partner does not like the idea of night nannies or getting any other individual involved..."

She is not going to take kindly to you pushing this.

I get that new parenthood is challenging to say the least, and sleep deprivation is awful. But stop panicking. You will manage. What is the most pressing problem you have? Maybe we can help you there?

OP I can see you are trying to be helpful, but I must caution you heavily against pursuing this when your partner is not keen. If you insist on this despite her wishes it will drive a huge wedge between you.

I agree, if she doesn't want it then leave it. There will be plenty of time later to figure out childcare solutions that work for your life. It sounds like right now she is saying, as I did, this is my baby and he stays right next to me.

Newborns absolutely do know who is caring for them. I had a term baby in the NICU and he screamed and screamed whenever he was awake and i wasn't there.

You need to be led by what your wife wants/needs during this time. If she doesn't want anyone else looking after your baby at night then you shouldn't be getting a night nanny.

I appreciate usual comments of panic, new parenting is hard etc.

My concern is
Currently I am on parental leave, another few weeks only. I am doing everything in the house as well as looking after the baby much of the time except a few hours during the day. When I do go back to the office, the house won't be looked after, no food is prepared, and on top of that, the baby. My partner needs to look after herself (or feel confident looking after herself) before she tries to look after others. Realistically I won't have the time with the time left in the day to take care of the house and the baby. The real issue is I don't have the time and I am asking for reviews on night nannies/nurses services, not parenting advise though I appreciate that hard not to give advise even when not prompted.

Thank you very much indeed.

If she doesn’t want it then why push it? 99% of parents manage without night Nannie’s. Nights waking is par of the course. Is your partner actually struggling or are you thinking about your own needs?

I would be more keen to get a cleaner, arrange healthy meal deliveries, maybe even a mother’s helper for a few hours during the day.

btw newborns do know who is caring for them.

as above, why a night nanny? Why not someone to help out around the house during the day? A doula is a good option- someone to look after your wife, to enable your wife to look after the baby.

Ok. Well, you could pay someone to take care of the house, possibly some day time help, and buy in nice easy food etc instead, which would be more appropriate and easier to sell to your wife too I'm sure. But don't take that as parenting advice as you say you've got that covered, and I'll leave the recruitment advice to others. All the best.

I am sure you can find reviews of services/individuals on the internet. Coming on MN you will get wider advice/personal experience, we just can't help it! I can't imagine anyone here would be cool with arranging a night nanny for someone who doesn't want one, so you probably won't get the "reviews" you are looking for.

PS a daily cleaner/ housekeeper who also cooks would be a better option perhaps.

I was a single mum of twins. During the night I would sometimes only get 30 mins sleep. I couldn’t function being awake 23 hours a day.

So I got a night nanny. I felt it was my job to look after the babies single-handedly from 6am - 10pm, but I needed to get some sleep to be able to do that. (It was during Covid, so no one could call in to help me during the day).

The night nanny was excellent (a maternity nurse previously at the hospital I had given birth in).

When I gave birth, in the hospital for the first few nights they took the babies off me so that I could sleep, so it felt “normal” to hand them over at night time.

I couldn’t have got through the first few months without her.

As above, i would suggest someone to help out more during the day.

Definitely. If your concerns are over cooking and cleaning getting done as you say then hire someone to do that so your wife can rest and recover in the day if she is up a lot in the night.

If the baby is crying with the night nanny your partner will be awake listening to that and absolutely desperate to help with baby anyway. If your partner doesn't want a night nanny a night nanny isn't the right thing.

The baby absolutely knows who is mum and who isnt, and will 100% want mum. It's an innate biological survival instinct.

Best bet is take really good care of partner til you go back to work, then get a cleaner and meal delivery til everyone is getting more sleep. Cheaper and emotionally healthier.

BTW, 12 weeks means nothing. Baby might get better or worse at sleeping at any time. Best to give in and roll with the punches.

absolutely all of this.

-12 weeks means nothing. For either recovery or sleep.

-The baby’s mum will hear the baby crying anyway. We don’t sleep through this stuff.

You are more worried about your partner being able to keep the house tidy and your meals made (and your own sleep) than her emotional well-being.

Pay for domestic help. You escaping to the office 5 days a week does not relieve you of any responsibility once you get home at night or at weekends. Your wife is currently on call 24/7, 7 days a week, on very little sleep, after a traumatic birth. Physical issues aside she is at incredible risk of post natal depression and your expectations of her are utterly unrealistic and soul-destroying.

She wants to care for your child. Quite frankly, the housework and cooking (and my dh) could have gone to hell at this stage as long as I was there with my baby. A full night's sleep does NOT magically reduce the daytime domestic load, or expectation from you.

If you don't approach this together you will likely alienate your wife. My ex asked me what I was making for dinner at midnight 5 days after a traumatic instrumental birth. That was an absolute turning point for me and things never got past that. We divorced when dc was 3.

As above, your partner will not sleep if hears baby crying. Also even if she does she is still going to be busy with the baby during the day, not able to do the cleaning and meal prep. Agree with others above get daytime help for her to do the house and cooking.

You clearly aren’t interested in listening to the views of other mums who have been there and survived.

In the first few weeks it’s completely NORMAL to live with a messy house and to not have a routine with cleaning and cooking.

The baby does know its own mother and the importance of bonding between the two as countless studies have shown.

If you push YOUR AGENDA onto your partner you could well push her towards getting PND!

Is your solution for every problem, to throw money at it? If so, pay for a housekeeper to come and clean and cook a few meals.

This isn’t about what you want but about what’s best for your partner and your baby! Listen to her and accept what she’s telling you.

A temporary part time housekeeper may be a better solution as your DW doesn’t want a nanny.

Nothing objectively wrong about having a night nanny but your partner doesn't want one so drop it. Your personal beliefs are a crock that conveniently suggest that the option of you farming out your parental duties at this really early stage is acceptable. You already identified the solution that everyone else decent with a newborn aand who isn't on maternity does.

Sleep even less than I do today which is about 4 - 5 hours

You just have to buck up and get on with it I'm afraid.

You’re panicking and reaching for a perceived level of control that isn’t really feasible as a parent. Don’t worry, you’re early in the psychological adjustment and will adapt.

You sound like a good partner but you need to listen more to your wife. A cleaner/housekeeper is a good option.

Also no one cares that your income is 3 times more. Your wife’s career is equally important and when mat leave is over you’ll need to make the necessary adjustments to do half of the childcare/pick ups.

My opinion is
If you have the cash Night nanny is THE way....lots of our friends had them (seems to be a thing in the Jewish community?) so we used them for our second.

3-4 nights per week is good/optimum
We did 10pm -7am generally.
when baby got bigger we'd do 7-7 and have a date night either at home or local restaurant (5-10min walk) it was just to get out and connect.

your wife doesnt want a night nanny though!!! She wants to do the nights...

Other things that scan support her and make both lives easier are

• Meal prep (we use Frive formerly lions meal prep for first few months and then cook)
• Cleaner 2 x per week for 2 hours is ideal IMO vs 1 x per week for 4 hours.

You are concerned about sleep thats fine.

• Get ear plugs and sleep in the spare room.
• buy baby white noise machine like dreamegg and Train baby to sleep with white noise. It masks baby's crying and you hearing it

Get a daily housekeeper to come 4 hours / day to clean, wash bottles, laundry and prepare dinner for you both.
That will be more helpful

Yes sorry op this was also my own impression.

Also the way you talk about your child is very odd ‘the baby/the boy’