Night Nurses/Nannies for New Born

[NewBorn2025]

Could I possibly get help with your reviews on night nannies and nurses in London, did you use them for your new born, how did you recruit them, what do they do when the baby is sleeping at night? By night nannies, I am referring to service providers that come into your home in the evening and stay till the morning to look after your baby.

We had a new born recently. The boy is a few weeks old. I am thinking about hiring a night nanny or nurse for the new born.

I work about 17 - 18 hours including commuting. To support the family, will need to get back to work. My partner is nursing herself after a traumatic birth experience, I expect her to recover fully after a few months. I expect our new born to become more difficult and demanding as he goes through growth sprout from week 4 to week 12. I am thinking the week 12 as a milestone.

• My partner is on a maternity leave for a year.
• My income is 3 if not 4 times that of my partner's.
• We do have a mortgage, monthly commitment, not a large amount.
• I don't work from home.
• We do have some savings say live for a year without work at the current rate of spending.
• Night nannies seem to be around £200 - 300 a night (?) which we can afford with my income for a few nights or business days without using savings.
• My partner does not like the idea of night nannies or getting any other individual involved, not to mention a significant saving you achieve by not hiring a night nurse.
• Family member help is not an option for us.
• We already have gadgets/gimmicks that you can buy that are supposed to make your life slightly easier such as UV steriliser, electronic bottle maker, multiple bottles to make washing manageable, air extraction device etc.

I am trying to think logically. I cannot think at the moment of any other solution than night nurses or nannies till the week 12 unless I want to sleep even less than I do today which is about 4 - 5 hours.

My personal beliefs (you might disagree with some of them) are

• The baby at this stage does not see or comprehend emotional attachments or bonds the same way as we do (these seem to me advanced concepts which need to be learned over time and not given innately, if given innately why we have serial killers...). They don't understand routines either. The priority for guardians is to feed the baby, change and keep him in a safe place. Values to help him make better decisions in future can be taught at later stages.
• The baby will settle into outside world with time and become more manageable especially at night as their stomach gets larger and they can hold their waste longer in their body. They do not need night nurses or nannies after a while.

I thought the language odd too--not written like a biological parent, imo.

1. As a Mum, you wake when your baby cries even if it's not your turn.
2. I was breastfeeding so I needed to feed mine so I wouldn't end up sore.

A Mother's Help during the day might be a great way to get things done around the house or so your wife can take a nap occasionally if she needs it.

I'm shocked at this response.

I can’t decide if this is a real post, and perhaps English isn’t your first language, or if it’s AI. The way you refer to the mother of your child and your newborn son is so stilted and cold, it’s almost red flags.

but, to address your issue:

”The baby at this stage does not see or comprehend emotional attachments or bonds the same way as we do (these seem to me advanced concepts which need to be learned over time and not given innately, if given innately why we have serial killers...). They don't understand routines either. The priority for guardians is to feed the baby, change and keep him in a safe place. Values to help him make better decisions in future can be taught at later stages.”

Sorry, no, you are very very wrong. Babies do know who is caring for them, and do need continuity and connection. These are formative weeks and you and your partner need to be as hands on as possible. Attachment is incredibly important, your baby needs to be held, nurtured and interacted with. Not just fed and clothed and ‘kept safe’

“The baby will settle into outside world with time and become more manageable especially at night as their stomach gets larger and they can hold their waste longer in their body. They do not need night nurses or nannies after a while.”

Babies and small children wake at night for the first few years, not weeks. This is why mothers get 12 months met leave, because caring for a baby is intensive and can be exhausting.

My suggestions for supporting your partner:

look into a doula, housekeeper or cleaner. If you want extra help make it domestic support, someone who will look after your partner so she can care for the baby and heal from the birth and trauma. Maybe a lactation consultant to help her breastfeed, bottles and formula seem like the easy option but are actually a lot of work, and she may well find it emotionally healing to breastfeed after a traumatic birth.

you don’t need a night nanny or a million gadgets, you just need to give your partner plenty of support, emotional and practical.

I couldn’t believe what I was reading. How the other half live! Both DH and I were professionals (teaching + finance) when we had DC. I had 18 weeks’ maternity leave (that was common back then) + he had 2 weeks paternity leave, returning to work 12 hours days. Our families all worked and lived too far away to help. I did all night feeds, napped when baby napped and as for housework, did it between us at weekends. He often made me sandwiches before going to work as in first month often didn’t get time to make lunch. Dinner was something we shared and there was always the ‘chippy’ if we were both shattered. Think you need to stop worrying about the logistics and just enjoy your newborns first few months. They grow too quickly. Be off to uni before you know it!!

I think it’s about finding the help that will work best for your family. I wouldn’t have been comfortable with a night nanny but I loved having help during the day. I got a maternity nanny for a few hours a week which took the weight off me. We also had cleaner/household help for 2 hrs a day. I’ve always done all nights, never involved dad in this.

You are coming from a place of love but it has to be your wife's decision at the end of the day.
I personally would have loved help with my first as they didnt sleep longer that 20 minutes until they were 6 months and my husband was away for most of it.
It is hard but if you push the issue she may think you think she isn't coping.

Hello OP,
a baby is hard work and this is very thoughtful of you to try to support your other half. I didn’t have a traumatic birth nor did I have a night nanny but as my husband is away a lot. 4 days a week every week, I am in a large house, 600 acres of land, many farm animals and pets, and I will be returning to my corporate job after my maternity leave is over (by choice) I have enough savings for my little girls school fees and possibly university fees. We do have a nanny who helps me mornings only.

it gives me hands free time to have a bath/shower
go for a run with the dogs and catch up on house chores/life admin.
she does the cooking for us
picks up shopping
light housework re: sort baby’s wardrobe, tidy playroom etc
she has taught our 9 month old sign language (basic for now)
i do a few activities with the baby - one a day, swimming. Art, music, sensory, baby gym etc and when I go back to work she will do these. My baby knows her mother so not bothered with lack of bonding etc (she does have days when the nanny is here and all she wants to do is stick to me). We just swap roles and I keep the baby and she takes the dogs out etc Just check its what your partner wants first.

So hire a housekeeper or domestic helper. You don't actually give a fuck about the house or cleaning or cooking, you just want to sleep, that's why you want a night nanny.

Most dads of newborns are sleep deprived. My DH slept 2-6am in another room to make sure he got 4 hours of sleep before work which allowed him to function.

You're not special because you make more money than the average.

And newborns absolutely do know who their mother is.

"The Boy" lol

Your wife doesn’t want this, so I don’t think you can really go ahead can you? It sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into this but if she’s dead against it, what will happen then?
What are her suggestions for a solution? Is she happy to do all the night feeds once you’re back at work? Or is she wanting you to do them? More context on that could be helpful.

For the record, I hve a five week old and if I could afford a night nanny I unashamedly 100% would. Maybe not every night, but a couple of nights a week just to give me and my partner a good sleep and to reset.

This is all news to me about a night nurse and a mother’s help. I don’t have a new born but I’d love a mothers help

• as PP have said the key point is 'My partner does not like the idea of night nannies or getting any other individual involved, not to mention a significant saving you achieve by not hiring a night nurse'

enjoy this time with you wife and baby and do your share of what needs to be done

Don't get a night nanny. Spend your money on as much help with cooking, cleaning, tidying and organising as you possibly can. but let mum and baby have their time together - you can make it so that your wife doesn't have any cares or responsibilities beyond looking after the baby until such time as the baby's needs are more tenable. You are wrong about saying that the baby doesn't care who provides care, the baby does not understand emotions in the same way we do but very much does understand that mummy's voice and smell and touch are familiar and safe. Your wife does not want a night nanny and certainly shouldn't be having to share care with someone she doesn't want. You are right that babies do not understand routine. Sleep when you can, invest in ear plugs, and learn the resilience that all parents learn - you are capable of functioning on a lot less sleep than the amount you wanted.

I used these guys:
https://www.nightnannies.com
I think it’s franchises (??) and I used these guys south east London one. Everyone they sent was good, some outstanding. I used someone from elsewhere once and they were terrible.
I also had a doula, who supported me while I looked after the baby. She saved my sanity. Google doula UK
https://doula.org.uk
she might it easier to get her head round this, rather than a night nanny

Newborn2025, I think you should receive some credit for acknowledging that your brand new little family needs help. First time parenting is like bungey jumping without a rope.

Ask your wife what help she wants, domestic, cleaning, cooking meals, laundry, someone to hold the baby while she has a wash, or a sleep - 2 hours help, 4 hours help?. This will cut both of you some slack & hopefully afford you a bit of time together with your newborn.

As a first time mother in a foreign country with no family to help I spent less than 18 hours apart from my child in the first 2 years & I had a child who would not sleep (for well over 2 years) & a husband who did less than nothing ie. he added to the pile of things that needed doing making silly demands & being needy & possessing some ridiculous ideas about child rearing. I would have loved some domestic support, especially while recovering from a caesarian. I know they say 6 weeks is the time it takes to recover from a caesarian, but I think it is more like 6 months to recover completely.

You can read all the baby manuals you like, but your child is unique & may not conform to the designated milestones

If your sleep is being disrupted, consider sleeping apart some of the time so you get the amount of hours you require.

Good luck Newborn2025. Tiny babies are hard work but they are also very rewarding & bring a lot of joy.

I used to dream about having one when I was in my sleep deprived state. In reality, I don’t think I would like essentially a stranger in my home looking after my child. If a family cld have done it then ofcourse but not a stranger. I wouldn’t actually be relaxed and sleeping. I’d end up getting up and helping and it would be pointless. Sounds the same for your partner.
It also doesn’t magically get better at 12wks. Having a newborn is hard and sometimes way beyond being a newborn.

OP you have clearly done your research and are in Solution Mode.
Listen to your wife and the advice on here.
DW doesn't want a Night Nanny and your baby does know who is around at night.
It's important for your wife to have opportunities to bond with and care for your baby at all times of the day and night.
Get additional help in during the day to keep the house in order, cook meals and enable your wife to focus on the baby.
And RELAX! every new parent goes through this. There's no manual and no set schedule either, you just take each day at a time and get through it.

A night nanny or a maternity nurse is not the best option for you right now. At this point, your wife wants to take care of your child herself. You can hire a domestic helper, like a housekeeper, to take care of preparing meals for your family and keep your place clean and tidy. We had a great experience with a housekeeper we hired before through little ones when I was also having difficulties dealing with postpartum and caring for my newborn baby.

Then spend your money on a food service and a cleaner NOT on someone who will care for your child at night when the mother wants to and clearly should as its the bonding time particularly. Yes babies don't bond as adults do, they bond more deeply and significantly and in ways which are primal and do so by proximity.

• My partner does not like the idea of night nannies or getting any other individual involved, not to mention a significant saving you achieve by not hiring a night nurse.

If your partner isn't wanting a night Nanny why are you even considering it? If she's on maternity leave for a year & is happy to do the night feeds/changes then let her. Night time snuggles is a lovely time to bond with your baby, to make them feel safe & loved. If the baby waking is disturbing your sleep then sleep in a separate room so your partner can see to the baby without fear of waking you. Babies grow so fast & aren't little for long so spend as much time with them while you can without handing them over to someone else.