Night Nurses/Nannies for New Born

[NewBorn2025]

Could I possibly get help with your reviews on night nannies and nurses in London, did you use them for your new born, how did you recruit them, what do they do when the baby is sleeping at night? By night nannies, I am referring to service providers that come into your home in the evening and stay till the morning to look after your baby.

We had a new born recently. The boy is a few weeks old. I am thinking about hiring a night nanny or nurse for the new born.

I work about 17 - 18 hours including commuting. To support the family, will need to get back to work. My partner is nursing herself after a traumatic birth experience, I expect her to recover fully after a few months. I expect our new born to become more difficult and demanding as he goes through growth sprout from week 4 to week 12. I am thinking the week 12 as a milestone.

• My partner is on a maternity leave for a year.
• My income is 3 if not 4 times that of my partner's.
• We do have a mortgage, monthly commitment, not a large amount.
• I don't work from home.
• We do have some savings say live for a year without work at the current rate of spending.
• Night nannies seem to be around £200 - 300 a night (?) which we can afford with my income for a few nights or business days without using savings.
• My partner does not like the idea of night nannies or getting any other individual involved, not to mention a significant saving you achieve by not hiring a night nurse.
• Family member help is not an option for us.
• We already have gadgets/gimmicks that you can buy that are supposed to make your life slightly easier such as UV steriliser, electronic bottle maker, multiple bottles to make washing manageable, air extraction device etc.

I am trying to think logically. I cannot think at the moment of any other solution than night nurses or nannies till the week 12 unless I want to sleep even less than I do today which is about 4 - 5 hours.

My personal beliefs (you might disagree with some of them) are

• The baby at this stage does not see or comprehend emotional attachments or bonds the same way as we do (these seem to me advanced concepts which need to be learned over time and not given innately, if given innately why we have serial killers...). They don't understand routines either. The priority for guardians is to feed the baby, change and keep him in a safe place. Values to help him make better decisions in future can be taught at later stages.
• The baby will settle into outside world with time and become more manageable especially at night as their stomach gets larger and they can hold their waste longer in their body. They do not need night nurses or nannies after a while.

If you have had a few weeks off that is so much more than most people, you are over thinking it. Get help for the house eg cleaner once or twice a week, buy in decent ready to cook meals or pay for a batch cooking service to drop off food but night nanny is very intrusive and implies she cannot cope. also household standards do need to change now you are parents

How about hiring a housekeeper to do the cooking and cleaning and your wife can care for herself and baby x

How about hiring a housekeeper to do the cooking and cleaning and your wife can care for herself and baby x

• My partner does not like the idea of night nannies or getting any other individual involved, not to mention a significant saving you achieve by not hiring a night nurse.

The end.

You're treating this like a problem to be solved rather than your new normal. You're parents now, things won't be perfect. Sometimes you'll have to get a takeaway or eat beans on toast for ease. Sometimes you'll be looking at the floor thinking it needs a good clean. Sometimes you're baby will cry during the night.

You sound really detached from the reality of your new situation. Hiring someone through the night isnt the issue, you need to embrace your new life.

someone to come in every day to clean and cook and take the baby for a walk while your wife sleeps will go a long way to supporting your wife . If she can’t face any help coming in, perhaps she is struggling with depression and needs to talk to a sympathetic doctor.

You are more worried about your partner being able to keep the house tidy and your meals made (and your own sleep) than her emotional well-being

This! 100%.

Get a cleaner.

Then get household cleaning help in the day. Buy ready meals (even Waitrose do them now). She doesn't want a night nanny, and babies absolutely DO form bonds at this age. Have you been researching childcare by watching Downton Abbey? Logic does not come into this, it is her gut instinct.

OP, I'm just wondering - are you by any chance neurodivergent? I'm not making a value judgement here, just an observation. You do seem to be focussing on logistics and trying to control the narrative, ( a generalisation, I know) and life isn't always as neat as you seem to be proposing - your expectations about what happens between weeks 4-12 seem somewhat set in stone. What really matters right now is what your partner feels, not what you think. I'd agree with other posters that daytime help in the form of a cleaner etc might work better.

If your wife, quite understandably doesn't want one then you can't force her.

It's actually not very common for women to have night nannies if they are healthy and have a relatively ordinary baby.

You need to listen to her and come up with a situation you're both comfortable with. But ultimately she wants to bond closely with her very young child and that's normal.

I had a night nanny once a week for my twins. It took me a long time to feed and burp etc both, and she took away the very early morning feed and one before and put babies back in with me. For singletons they can offer different options too - let mum continue to feed, and take care of nappy changes, do the feeds etc. Even taking away the early morning feed allows a longer stretch of sleep.

The other option is to have a nanny for a few hours during the day, and your partner can sleep then, and still have the nighttime with baby.

Why not hire a cleaner, have a laundry company take care of clothes and possibly outsource your cooking - have meals delivered etc then she is free to care for herself and the baby. I would have welcomed this when I had my babies but absolutely would not have wanted a stranger looking after them as newborns. The chances are that everytime babe wakes she will hear him anyway. Our brain changes when we have babies and instinct kicks in to help babies survive, these instincts includes keeping strangers/germs etc away from them

My third really was a ghastly birth and I needed help to recover.
I would have clawed the eyes out of anyone who suggested I should hand over the baby I really had expected to die for.

What did help me was offers of help to cook/provide meals/leave meals I could simply reheat and eat.
Offers to help with changing beds, cleaning kitchen and bathroom, washing and ironing of clothes as I physically could not do any of that for a few weeks.
Offers to entertain older children who I could not run after.
Short visits with adult conversation from friends and family who were willing to make me a hot drink rather than need me to entertain them.

Maybe ask your partner what would actually help her instead of deciding what is needed without involving her.

I may have spent the first three weeks once well enough to go home upstairs but I still managed to feed, change and care for my newborn thanks to others making sure the rest of the house was running.

If it works for your family then do it. The night nanny need not do everything but can be a phenomenal help. Your wife may feel she is letting her baby down, she is not. People on mn judge but many of them have a lot of family support.
Would she find it easier to have a day nanny? My dil had both at different stages,it was very reassuring for her as a mum with no one nearby. The baby has a very close bond with both parents, it has not damaged her.
The day nanny was lovely and would tidy and clean all the babies things. Also when mg dil was not yet able to the day nanny would make them both a meal.
Obviously if your wife does not want it then that is not an option. But it might help her if she talks with someone who has used a nanny.

Contrary to your believe this first few months are extremely important to bond . No way would I let a stranger with a newborn . Just get help to cook clean etc and let your wife with only the baby duties and help when you are home . 5 hours sleep is more than I get most nights and I would 46 hours a week with 3 children .

Why cant she look after the baby at night?
And if needs help with the house then get a cleaner .
What happened to your wife that means she cant help with anything?

I haven’t read the full thread, only your posts and the first page, but do you have a biological connection to your son, @NewBorn2025 ?

If not it might explain why you sound strangely cold towards the new baby and very frustrated with your partner’s illness. You’re trying to ‘logic’ your way out of having your life affected by parenthood, and its not coming across well.

You’re not going to get reviews of service providers here, even if some have employed such a service.

For what its worth I agree with the other posts I’ve read that getting a night nurse for a few weeks is not what you should be looking at but you don’t want advice, so…

So get a cleaner/housekeeper, accept standards will be lower for a bit. Order in food.

If your partner doesn't want the night nanny, you absolutely cannot force it on her.

And you have 'a few more weeks' leave. So meal prep, get house as good as it can be and find help that is acceptable to her

Or, work less hours and have a better work life balance.

I can understand your concern, however as others has said - if it isn’t what she wants, don’t push it!

why not consider getting some help around the house during the day to ease the burden on your wife? Someone to pop in, do a bit of housework, grab groceries if needed and maybe knock up a bit of dinner. As your wife adjusts to her new routine, and baby settles in to life it might be a more welcome help than trying to force a nanny on her. This would also be considerably cheaper than going down the nanny route.

if it’s the lack of sleep you are concerned about, why not sleeping another room during the week?

I think the OP was expecting a load of answers saying that getting a night nanny would be a brilliant idea, and that his wife ought to be persuaded to get one.

Since nobody has been in agreement with him, he's abandoned the thread in a huff.

If she doesn't want a Nanny get a housekeeper, someone to do all the other things you listed. Also new mums just lower their standards for self care, this is temporary.

It can be hard looking after people who are in denial that they need help.

You are obviously doing a lot to help your OH at the moment, and you might have to wait until you go to back to work, and a) either she realises that she cannot manage or b) she steps up and does manage.

She may prefer other help than a night nurse, I think you need to wait and discuss it with her nearer the time though.

Don’t force something on your partner that they don’t want because you’re a bit tired. Other suggestions for practical help have been made but I would also like to suggest that you lean into some serious radical acceptance here. You are going to be tired. You are going to feel overwhelmed. You have a newborn and life will not continue completely as normal even if you’ve got a shed load of money to throw at it. 4-5 hours sleep is actually pretty good going by the way. Welcome to the zombie years my friend!

It might also help to do some reading on attachment theory - babies are absolutely primed at birth to recognise their main caregivers. He’ll know mum as she’s been his home for 9 months but will also know your voice from in utero. Babies are not blank slates when born. A consistent night nurse wouldn’t necessarily harm that (as long as it was the same person and they were attuned and responsive) but I totally get why your partner doesn’t want to share these special moments with paid help, even if it’s brutal at the start.

Who do you want the baby to form an attachment to? They will form primary attachment to the person who feeds them, changes them, rocks them, soothes them. I personally don’t understand the concept but as I also breastfed it wasn’t an option. My husband worked crazy hours, no family support and I just woke up every few hours to feed my baby…. Because I love them and I want to nurture and care for them. If you go down this road, please try get the same person so the baby has some consistency. There’s a reason it’s recommended only 1-2 feed baby if you choose to formula feed - it’s because we know attachment is so important.