Night Nurses/Nannies for New Born

[NewBorn2025]

Could I possibly get help with your reviews on night nannies and nurses in London, did you use them for your new born, how did you recruit them, what do they do when the baby is sleeping at night? By night nannies, I am referring to service providers that come into your home in the evening and stay till the morning to look after your baby.

We had a new born recently. The boy is a few weeks old. I am thinking about hiring a night nanny or nurse for the new born.

I work about 17 - 18 hours including commuting. To support the family, will need to get back to work. My partner is nursing herself after a traumatic birth experience, I expect her to recover fully after a few months. I expect our new born to become more difficult and demanding as he goes through growth sprout from week 4 to week 12. I am thinking the week 12 as a milestone.

• My partner is on a maternity leave for a year.
• My income is 3 if not 4 times that of my partner's.
• We do have a mortgage, monthly commitment, not a large amount.
• I don't work from home.
• We do have some savings say live for a year without work at the current rate of spending.
• Night nannies seem to be around £200 - 300 a night (?) which we can afford with my income for a few nights or business days without using savings.
• My partner does not like the idea of night nannies or getting any other individual involved, not to mention a significant saving you achieve by not hiring a night nurse.
• Family member help is not an option for us.
• We already have gadgets/gimmicks that you can buy that are supposed to make your life slightly easier such as UV steriliser, electronic bottle maker, multiple bottles to make washing manageable, air extraction device etc.

I am trying to think logically. I cannot think at the moment of any other solution than night nurses or nannies till the week 12 unless I want to sleep even less than I do today which is about 4 - 5 hours.

My personal beliefs (you might disagree with some of them) are

• The baby at this stage does not see or comprehend emotional attachments or bonds the same way as we do (these seem to me advanced concepts which need to be learned over time and not given innately, if given innately why we have serial killers...). They don't understand routines either. The priority for guardians is to feed the baby, change and keep him in a safe place. Values to help him make better decisions in future can be taught at later stages.
• The baby will settle into outside world with time and become more manageable especially at night as their stomach gets larger and they can hold their waste longer in their body. They do not need night nurses or nannies after a while.

Why not look into some help in the day so your partner can go back to bed if she has had a tiring night feeding - or even if your partner looks after the baby she can ask the person to tidy up/hoover/prep for dinner/get a wash on/ pop to the shops etc.

This help will be cheaper (as daytime) and less invasive of your home than having someone around in the night.

It comes across as if you are more worried about a clean house, prepared meals and your sleep than your partners opinion of a night nanny.

I'd get a cleaner and someone to cook meals a few days a week or even daily over pushing for a night nanny that your partner does not want. She already is recovering from a traumatic birth and the emotions that come with that, why add to it by ignoring that she doesn't want a night nanny.

In this day and age, most fathers on your sort of income plan to take extended leave when their baby is born - why didn’t you do that? Also, most fathers are able to manage on 5 hours sleep a night for the first year.
You don’t exactly come across as father of the year I’m afraid. ‘The boy’ is your son. He will know your and his mother’s voice from in utero. That in itself will have created an attachment. My advice - cut down on your hours temporarily by WFH a couple of days a week, get a cleaner organised once a week, outsource as many jobs as you can but look after your son with his mother yourself!

https://www.cookfood.net

would also recommend this company for ordering healthy frozen meals op, if you’re concerned about dinner.

I had this as a gift when i gave birth and it was amazing.

Quick healthy meals for you when you get home from work, but also for your partner so she can also have something good to eat during the day that’s easy.

Regarding the sleep, after I went back to (full time) work when DS was 12 weeks old, we both managed for a few months on 4 to 5 hours sleep every second night for each of us as we took turns. You just get on with it, it doesn't last forever. You will survive, people do.

I assumed this was a 2 mum situation - explaining the slightly different language.

Order a freezer full of prepared meals and a cleaner in the day.

I’m 11 months into broken nights and I still wouldn’t want a night nanny / it wouldn’t help me sleep.

You’re trying to find an objective logical solution to a situation that is anything but.

Agree with this.

Also what's with your "expectation" that she will fully recover from a traumatic labour in a few months? Takes over a year. So don't go pestering her for sex or to cook & clean.

Sounds like your partner needs help in the day rather than at night. Get a housekeeper instead.

From what you're saying and your wife's reluctance to have a night nanny, why don't you get a cleaner to come in and look after the house so your wife can concentrate on the little one?

I would have loved a night nanny. But if your partner doesn't want one then it's a no go. It's her choice.

I'm assuming you already have a cleaner and get meals delivered? If not, pay for that.

Get a cleaner and buy healthy ready made meals like the Cook brand. Or get a housekeeper that can clean and cook, do grocery shopping etc. Your wife wants to care for the baby (as is normal) and you need help with the house. You need a housekeeper not a nanny.

The baby at this stage does not see or comprehend emotional attachments or bonds the same way as we do (these seem to me advanced concepts which need to be learned over time and not given innately

This is a convenient belief to hold if you want to outsource caring for the baby overnight but I'm afraid it's wrong. All research evidence around attachment (and there is a lot) demonstrates that babies build emotional attachments in utero and this continues after birth. Meeting their needs consistently (day and night) is an essential building block to the reciprocal bonding process between parent and baby. Caring for a baby is hard. It's the hard graft that parents put in and in exchange they reap the rewards of the attachment bond.

The way you talk about your wife and child is so cold and clinical. Like you've read some book about child development and expect your child to adhere rigidly to whatever was written.

Baby might sleep through soon. Mine all did by 6 weeks.. well 11-6 or thereabouts which was good enough for me.

Get a cleaner to help with the house and order some gousto or freezer meals.

And yes, the idea that the baby doesn't care who is caring for it is beyond stupid. Anyone who has had a baby, knows that's bollocks.

Looking after a baby is hard and very tiring! What you are experiencing is very normal. The majority of people suck it up and get on with it. Your wife said no to a night nurse, leave it at that!

The absolute misogyny of this post is disgraceful.
She has asked you not to do it, who do you think you are going over her head?! That baby knows that she is his Mother and only wants her.

She also doesn’t need to “Take care of herself and be confident” she will get there when she is ready, she just grew an entire human and birthed it. At 3 months she just won’t wake up and be the old ‘her’ She also doesn’t need that pressure.
In regards to cleaning the house, preparing dinner. She will adapt and work out how to get done, if she needs help then she can come to you and the pair of you can come to and develop a solution. But don’t go over her head and get in between and mother and what she wants for her newborn baby.

You will end up in the divorce court being taken to the cleaners, if you don’t change your focus to buying in a cleaner rather than outsourcing the child

Nothing objectively wrong about having a night nanny but your partner doesn't want one so drop it.

That. You cannot force a night baby on a reluctant partner. That will damage your relationship hugely.

A housekeeper will be cheaper and solve the problems that you are claiming are the issue.
Of course, it might be the actually your issue is your own sleep. In which case, sorry, but you still cannot force a night nanny on your wife

If she doesn't want a night nanny, I wouldn't push it. Would a nanny/mother's help in the day be better? When I was on maternity leave for my second we had my nanny for my first born still working, she kept the house tidy, did kids washing etc and would take the new baby for the odd hour so I could sleep and shower a bit here and there. Also, Deliveroo for all meals, even breakfast, healthy lunches and coffees and, if you don't go down the day nanny route, a cleaner a couple of times a week who also does laundry. It might be tough but it's 6/9 months of your life and gets so much easier. I liked a couple of weekends in a nice hotel here and there where I could get a change of scene, some delicious food and husband could take baby for an hour so I could go to a spa - it has to be a very lovely hotel with a great conceirge and set up for babies though (Four Seasons Hampshire, Coworth Park, Lime Wood are good options).

This, I think it would be a bigger help to her if you get someone in to do the 'chores' cook, clean etc etc and let her look after the baby! This would of made my life 100 times easier with a new born, I would of absolutely hated the idea of someone coming in and looking after my baby over night. You say they don't feel emotional attachment at that age, my god I could not disagree more! They feel more bonded to their mum/primary carer at this age then ever imo

You may not need parenting advice but you absolutely need relationship advice as you’re royally fucking this up. You need to listen to your partner. She’s said no to the night nanny so that should be the end of the discussion. You’re going to wreck your relationship if you continue to ignore her and keep trying to push it.

If you’re concerned about housework and meals then you outsource all of that- get a housekeeper that can come in for a few hours every weekday to clean, sort all the bottles and prep a healthy homemade dinner ready to go into the oven. As well as not pissing off your partner by insisting on something she really doesn’t want, the added bonus is that it’ll be significantly cheaper than a night nanny. You could also consider a sleep consultant to help with good sleep hygiene and a routine from when baby is 4 months old (not much point before that) but again only if your partner is comfortable with this.

Your wife doesn't want a night nanny, therefore you should go with what she's comfortable with. Maternal instinct is strong, and if your child is crying, your wife will be awake having to listen, whilst wanting to comfort her own child. That's going to damage her mental health. Yes, your baby, is very much aware who Mum is, and who isn't, it's an inbuilt instinct. If you're concerned about the domestic side, then employ a housekeeper and perhaps a Mother's help during the day. Your wife then won't need to worry about keeping the house clean/laundry/meals. She will then have some help during the daytime with the baby, to allow her to heal but still participate with her baby. By all means revisit the night nanny later down the line, but don't push your wife into something she's not comfortable with. I understand you are concerned, especially as you are doing a lot at the moment. I had a traumatic birth and an emergency C-section, and my husband had 3 weeks off work (paternity leave didn't exist), but we managed, and I recovered.

A mother's help would be an option - someone to cook, clean, sort the laundry etc. All those tasks seem overwhelming to a mother after a traumatic birth. Then your wife can just focus on herself and the baby while she recovers. Newborns sleep a lot during the day, so your wife can too. (You may have to decamp for a while - my husband changed bedrooms most nights after passing me the baby for the first feed wake up, so we didn't feel that he had officially moved out and he got to bond for a few seconds - they are exceptionally close, but no idea if that has anything to do with it!).

If you are willing to spend money to support your wife then get a housekeeper (and you manage the housekeeper -recruitment, pay etc) and fill the freezer with cook food meals (or similar quality frozen meals), so that all your wife needs to do is focus on her baby. Also pay to access private healthcare to support her in her postpartum recovery.

Also your views on infant bonding are counter to all current evidence and advice.