Night Nurses/Nannies for New Born

[NewBorn2025]

Could I possibly get help with your reviews on night nannies and nurses in London, did you use them for your new born, how did you recruit them, what do they do when the baby is sleeping at night? By night nannies, I am referring to service providers that come into your home in the evening and stay till the morning to look after your baby.

We had a new born recently. The boy is a few weeks old. I am thinking about hiring a night nanny or nurse for the new born.

I work about 17 - 18 hours including commuting. To support the family, will need to get back to work. My partner is nursing herself after a traumatic birth experience, I expect her to recover fully after a few months. I expect our new born to become more difficult and demanding as he goes through growth sprout from week 4 to week 12. I am thinking the week 12 as a milestone.

• My partner is on a maternity leave for a year.
• My income is 3 if not 4 times that of my partner's.
• We do have a mortgage, monthly commitment, not a large amount.
• I don't work from home.
• We do have some savings say live for a year without work at the current rate of spending.
• Night nannies seem to be around £200 - 300 a night (?) which we can afford with my income for a few nights or business days without using savings.
• My partner does not like the idea of night nannies or getting any other individual involved, not to mention a significant saving you achieve by not hiring a night nurse.
• Family member help is not an option for us.
• We already have gadgets/gimmicks that you can buy that are supposed to make your life slightly easier such as UV steriliser, electronic bottle maker, multiple bottles to make washing manageable, air extraction device etc.

I am trying to think logically. I cannot think at the moment of any other solution than night nurses or nannies till the week 12 unless I want to sleep even less than I do today which is about 4 - 5 hours.

My personal beliefs (you might disagree with some of them) are

• The baby at this stage does not see or comprehend emotional attachments or bonds the same way as we do (these seem to me advanced concepts which need to be learned over time and not given innately, if given innately why we have serial killers...). They don't understand routines either. The priority for guardians is to feed the baby, change and keep him in a safe place. Values to help him make better decisions in future can be taught at later stages.
• The baby will settle into outside world with time and become more manageable especially at night as their stomach gets larger and they can hold their waste longer in their body. They do not need night nurses or nannies after a while.

It’s very kind you’re considering so many things. The reality is that for the newborn stage (and onwards) you or your partner aren’t really a priority. You will find ways to adapt and cope.
I would suggest food deliveries/ fancy ready meals/ chef to prepare some batch cooking if needed.

Use the weeks you’re off work to work out with your wife what she needs when you’re back to work. I don’t doubt it’ll click into place for her (and you) when you’re back. X

@NewBorn2025 i had a very serious and life threatening condition after I gave birth which required me being in and out of hospital multiple days a week and I was almost bedridden. If I didn’t have my partner who has been amazing and has done every single night shift for 9 months and worked from home, as well as my immediate family helping every day, I don’t know what I’d do. I couldn’t care less about housework and cooking, that’s never crossed my mind, I cared about getting better and bonding with my baby. Seriously housework can wait. If I had the means to hire someone, then I would have. Being at home alone for 10+ hours a day being severely unwell on no sleep and knowing there is no one you can call for help, that would scare the shit out of me. I reckon you could play it by ear… see how your partner gets on and then see what she wants later down the line. Doing the opposite of what she asks now is only making things worse. Postpartum hormones are something else and quite difficult to understand unless you’ve been through it. Being a new parent is so hard but being seriously unwell is next level and I would advise anyone to take all the help they could get!

I’m a maternity nurse /night nanny so obv will say they are great 😀

but I work in families where both parents if two, want me

a lot mention crying babies and parents finding hard to to listen - rare for a baby to cry with me unless has colic /refux /constipation and again if baby has those issues you won’t be getting much sleep and a good time to use a NN services imo

does sound like you want /need help around the house and most professional NN won’t do that. Their job is to care and look after baby and mum

you would be better off getting a cleaner , getting meals via cook , esp if mum doesn’t want to have someone else to look after their baby

Right, so you don't want your life to change, but you also acknowledge that your wife can't maintain whatever domestic tasks she was doing pre birth, but she won't countenance a night nurse (quite rightly imo).

So what you actually need is someone to deal with the domestic stuff...cleaner, laundry service, meals prepped and or delivered.

Maybe a doula would be better. They could take the weight off on the domestic front and look after both your wife and child for a bit.

https://doula.org.uk/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=13072542950&gbraid=0AAAAADGZwvMvCcobvylxIhDfD0zRXbFHp&gclid=Cj0KCQjwuKnGBhD5ARIsAD19RsYXSSnhHBVR-PL-vqLLKn2GeUUbrv0F3-Ny2V3NAeuL6QHorrzeqVIaAswaEALw_wcB

This is exactly what I was thinking.

Would your wife be open to having someone come in for say, 2-3 hours each day to do a bit of cleaning and prepare some meals for your wife to eat at the time, and for you to simply heat up?

And good luck! you sound very thoughtful & caring - just don't be too rigid with what you think your wife & baby need. Let them lead.

If your partner isn't keen I'd drop it. I remember that I was very possessive about my new born and wouldn't have been willing to have a night nanny.
However extra help during the day might be good, so that she can go out by herself for a couple of hours, or perhaps a cleaner or housekeeper to help with the house and cooking? I remember how hard it was to wash my hair or take a shower with a baby who demanded my attention all day, let alone get out to the hairdresser or for a coffee with a friend.

Of course newborns know who are caring for them , that’s up there with one of the most ridiculous things I’ve read.
Ive had 3 under 5, breast fed them all. No grandparents, my husband runs his own business and works away mon - Fri.
we could of afforded a NN but the Baby would of had to be prized out of my dead cold hands !!

If she's not keen on a night nanny you could look at an experienced mothers help who can help with baby and routine as well as washing and cooking meals.

Newsflash, both my babies sleep got horrendous at about 12 weeks - 6 months while they went through the 4 month sleep regression where they were waking up every hour or two
The early new born days weren't as bad, at least they napped well during the day and seemed to wake twice in the night before it all fell apart.

Your partner doesnt want a nanny/night nurse. Maybe get a cleaner/cook during the day if you are worried about the house. Im sure she would appreciate that, also maybe spend more time with YOUR SON. Your language is concerning, " the boy " , " a/the newborn".......

Sounds v much like she’s not coping a night nurse will make that worse not better. I’ve never used one but lived in an area of London where it was the norm. These women in the main never coped and the more external help they used the harder it became.

You’ve come to the wrong place for advice unfortunately.

Your partner needs to compromise. If she can’t take care of the baby for all sorts of valid reasons, she can’t then dictate how you choose to do so. And in particular, she can’t make you do a 17/18 hour day on 2-3 hours sleep. You won’t survive.

And you are completely correct to say that babies don’t care who is looking after them as long as their needs are met. So don’t worry about that. There are some very vocal self-important people on MN, but just ignore them.

If the only viable route is a night nurse, you need to make that clear to your partner and get one on board.

Your partner does not want a night nanny So, you don’t need to get reviews for them because you should respect your partner’s wishes .

You sound a bit detached from your baby and/or trying to treat him like a machine, where you can plan, act and he’ll comply like a robot. He’s not a robot, he’s your child! Yes, he will wake at night, especially early on but that’s part of being a parent of a young baby.

Sorry but everything you’ve written sounds a bit selfish: you won’t get as much sleep as you want; the house won’t be as tidy as you want; you won’t have proper meals prepared for you. Your focus should be on your partner and baby.

What should you do? Speak to your partner, acknowledge that she doesn’t want a night nanny, and ask her if a cleaner/meal prep/whatever would be helpful.

The baby at this stage does not see or comprehend emotional attachments or bonds the same way as we do (these seem to me advanced concepts which need to be learned over time and not given innately, if given innately why we have serial killers...). They don't understand routines either

This is rather chilling actually. Of course your son comprehends emotional attachments! He knows his mother’s voice, her smell, her heartbeat. She is the focus of his world (you will be too, but those early attachments are immediately to the mother).

Edited to add, if your rather indirect language is implying your partner has emotional or mental difficulties, then you can still respect her wishes and work to find support that works for you both. If you’re saying she’s physically or mentally incapable of looking after your child, then yes, you’ll have to address that, but that would be a major thing (supporting her).

I hesitated to say this before but the very strange language used and the obvious attempts at blocking out the new situation is making me think that this may be a same sex couple, OP is not biologically related to the baby and perhaps went into family life very reluctantly and is feeling ‘left out’ on some level.

OP, both you and your partner are clearly struggling. I hope you find what you need.

Your partner doesn’t want it. It’s a non starter. Your baby absolutely does have attachment to you.

Also OP I hate to warn you guy this obsession with 12w.....you do realize that's when sleep regression hits and can last a couple of weeks for several months don't you?

Support your wife don't just throw money at the baby who seems to be an inconvenience.

“You are completely correct to say that babies don’t care who is looking after them as long as their needs are met.”
This is contrary to all the child development work I have ever done. Do you have any studies or research to share that supports this? I feel awfully ill informed if this has just been scientifically proven and I’ve not heard about it.

So you are out of the house 18 hours a day. This leaves 6 hours for sleep, eating, relaxation spending time with your family! Thats madness. How long is your commute!

Based on this, it’s a cleaner and a food service you need, not a night nurse

If that’s your concern surely it’d be easier to hire a regular cleaner and a meal delivery service for when you return to work ?

But realistically, an 18 hr work day is just sustainable or feasible.

It’s your working hours that are the main issue here, and you really need to do something about that.

Why does your wife want?

baby will definitely know who is who and makes bonds early on.

i suggest looking at your working day and seeing if you can reduce some hours.

it’s normal to only have 4-5 hrs sleep with a baby and even some toddlers!! Actually that’s quite good for baby.

maybe see if you can get a cleaner/home help; buy a slow cooker or order in some Cook meals. Then neither of you need to worry about mess/food. Do online shopping.

other than the traumatic birth this is all very standard and won’t change at 12 weeks.

please chat to your wife and see what she wants?

I'm curious at how you envisaged life with a baby would be?
4-5 hours per night is actually q good tbh at newborn stage.

Why don't you look into hiring a house cleaner and/or cook? Or figure out how to get meals delivered? I would never have allowed someone to be with my baby all night. I did have a housecleaner of several years who would also watch the babies (I had twins) for an hour or two during the day while I slept. But all night? No. Babies ABSOLUTELY know who is with them. They can identify their mother by smell within hours after birth. Speaking as a mom and as an NICU nurse.

This post is really odd, it's like you've had a baby but don't want the inconvenience of it. I do wonder what you imagined life with a newborn would be? How you write is so deteched and not at all how me or my husband would have talked about any of our children.

Your wife doesn't want a random to sit in your house at night, so end of story really. Meal prep at weekends, do housework at weekends. If your wife is breastfeeding she needs to wake up to feed otherwise she won't be making enough milk, it's supply-demand.

Oh and babies are very much attached to their mother's as soon as they are born, in fact before they even enter the world!

I think possibly @CausalInference (and I could be wrong) but a partner who was involved.

it sounds like the mother is suffering from physical trauma and potential PTSD and PND and they is what needs to be addressed