Night Nurses/Nannies for New Born

[NewBorn2025]

Could I possibly get help with your reviews on night nannies and nurses in London, did you use them for your new born, how did you recruit them, what do they do when the baby is sleeping at night? By night nannies, I am referring to service providers that come into your home in the evening and stay till the morning to look after your baby.

We had a new born recently. The boy is a few weeks old. I am thinking about hiring a night nanny or nurse for the new born.

I work about 17 - 18 hours including commuting. To support the family, will need to get back to work. My partner is nursing herself after a traumatic birth experience, I expect her to recover fully after a few months. I expect our new born to become more difficult and demanding as he goes through growth sprout from week 4 to week 12. I am thinking the week 12 as a milestone.

• My partner is on a maternity leave for a year.
• My income is 3 if not 4 times that of my partner's.
• We do have a mortgage, monthly commitment, not a large amount.
• I don't work from home.
• We do have some savings say live for a year without work at the current rate of spending.
• Night nannies seem to be around £200 - 300 a night (?) which we can afford with my income for a few nights or business days without using savings.
• My partner does not like the idea of night nannies or getting any other individual involved, not to mention a significant saving you achieve by not hiring a night nurse.
• Family member help is not an option for us.
• We already have gadgets/gimmicks that you can buy that are supposed to make your life slightly easier such as UV steriliser, electronic bottle maker, multiple bottles to make washing manageable, air extraction device etc.

I am trying to think logically. I cannot think at the moment of any other solution than night nurses or nannies till the week 12 unless I want to sleep even less than I do today which is about 4 - 5 hours.

My personal beliefs (you might disagree with some of them) are

• The baby at this stage does not see or comprehend emotional attachments or bonds the same way as we do (these seem to me advanced concepts which need to be learned over time and not given innately, if given innately why we have serial killers...). They don't understand routines either. The priority for guardians is to feed the baby, change and keep him in a safe place. Values to help him make better decisions in future can be taught at later stages.
• The baby will settle into outside world with time and become more manageable especially at night as their stomach gets larger and they can hold their waste longer in their body. They do not need night nurses or nannies after a while.

Wow! Just Wow!.
How cold and misogynistic you sound!.
The boy! really?.
So you are dismissing your wife’s wishes and trying to replace her, why? for your own needs!.
As for your other disinformation, I would suggest all those books (mainly written by people who are childless, or who think they know better) need throwing away.
If you are hiring someone, then a cook and/or cleaner would help your dear long suffering wife.
But, I’m going to put money on your marriage not looking good in the long term, if your attitude is so indifferent to having a SON, who is now part of your family, not something to be handed off to others like a stray dog!.

So employ a cleaner,or a cook, or do some batch cooking yourself or cook after work like the rest of the world does.

If your DP doesn’t like the idea you would be much better off spending that money on other services.
New Mums get overwhelmed because of the day to day tasks, not the baby.
Hire a cleaner and arrange for someone to do your washing and ironing for a few months.
Your DP will truly appreciate that and it will free up her time to spend quality time with your new baby.

I work as a night nanny and I get more phone calls at the 4 weeks mark than any other stage

Thats typically when the sleep deprivation becomes too much for most people and they seek help

The trouble with leaving it until the last minute is that the very good night nannies may be fully booked in your area

Miskin maternity and Mortimer Nannies both offer a very good service across most of London

You don’t say where you’re based but if you want to message me, I can ask on some of my groups if anyone is available

Could you work less hours and support your wife by doing the housework and some of the night time child care? If your salary is 4 times hers, can you not afford to take some unpaid leave to support her or is it easier to pay someone else to do the parenting for you? Glad I'm not married to you!

I can fully recommend a maternity nurse - Jackie Mould Mummy mayday https://www.instagram.com/mummymayday?igsh=MXM2YzRobTcyNWtxOQ==

She helped us out after both my c sections

I think you have to respect your wife's wishes about a night nanny. Sit down together and see if you can reach a compromise - what does she think you both particularly need help with? Is it the cleaning, is it cooking? It sounds like she has some significant and ongoing issues following the birth, does she need assistance with personal care and dressing?

It's important that whatever help is brought in to the house facilitates your wife caring for your son, and them spending as much time together as she is able. She may feel she can tolerate someone else in the house for an hour or two a day providing targeted support, rather than someone in the house all night long.

I'm guessing that you have a very important and senior role at work and are used to being able to dictate how things are going to go and make decisions based on your own logical analysis of the situation.

The only problem with that is neither newborns nor maternal hormones give a crap about your logical analysis, and when someone else has created a human within their body and is now their sole source of food, you would be wise to accept that they are the project manager of this operation.

If you thought that you were going to be able to have a newborn and then go back to business as usual, you were wrong. If you think the newborn is going to adhere to your deadlines for becoming easier to manage, you were wrong. Many babies have a sleep regression at around 16-18 weeks that completely destroys anything approaching a routine for a good few weeks. Cluster feeding happens intermittently. You have teething to look forward to. Night weaning isn't recommended for 18 months. Buckle up, you've got a long ride ahead.

The science of attachment and breastfeeding also doesn't care about your beliefs, including the need for strong bonds with long term carers. The reason your wife doesn't want a night nanny is because all of her biological instincts are telling her- correctly- that the baby doesn't need a nanny, they need HER. Or you, but you don't see amenable to being needed right now.

If you feel that you (not just your partner, you're both equally responsible) can't manage the house and the baby simultaneously, then focus on the house and hire a cleaner.

You can ignore my "parenting advice" but it won't go well for you.

A lot of jobs don't have the option to cut down hours. You'd need to change job/career.

But I agree with you - excessive working hours have an absolutely toxic effect on relationships. For a start, they make it very hard for the other parent to maintain their career without complete exhaustion and burn-out.

First off - spend some time reading up on attachment theory your concept of the importance of the early stages is waaaay behind science and our current understanding. Your baby needs a strong bond with their primary caregivers to for optimal development. This is not to say that a mum needing support is somehow deficient or harming her baby - this is just in reply to OP’s comments on how attachment isn’t important and values etc. can be taught later.
You cannot plan out babies development- those next 12 weeks might well be the easiest or the most difficult…or in case of velcro babies it might be next 24months or more of high needs baby. Night nurse doesn’t solve that, a doula to support your wive’s recovery and bonding with baby might.
Your wife and your baby’s needs and wants, not yours, are the priority here. If you can, as you say you have enough savings to live without income for a year, take longer time off from work (parental leave, career break, other unpaid leave) and support both of them. If not hire a cleaner/housekeeper and meal prep service, so your wife can heal and bond.
Final note, 4-5h of sleep a night with an infant is good going - your body will adjust to it and you’ll be able to function well enough.

This is the most unmotherly thing you can do. I had a client who did this and it was shameful and embarrassing. Shame on anyone who does this.

‘My partner does not like the idea of night nannies or getting any other individual involved, not to mention a significant saving you achieve by not hiring a night nurse’

but ‘I am trying to think logically’

read that back to yourself OP, Jesus christ

You need to drop this. She is the one who gave birth to the child, what she says goes right now.

A PP I think @CreteBound said something like ‘you’re trying to achieve a level of control / order that’s not really possible with a newborn… you’ll psychologically adjust’ and this is 100 pc accurate

I also agree with PPs that you need to help help more around the house , possibly use your money to hire someone to do those things if your partner is comfortable with that in the form of daytime help/ cleaner, and other than that, leave your partner to be with her baby as much as she likes

She is running the show here, not you, sorry

Your concerns are valid and it sounds like some help would be very useful. If your partner doesn’t like the idea of a night nanny. Are there other things you can outsource, like cleaning meal prep etc?
Im on maternity leave with my 2nd he’s 5m now wasn’t a straight forward delivery either and have a 4yr old, we could have afforded a night nanny but didn’t want it either. We have a cleaner weekly and bought some nicer ready meals from cookfood so we had stuff I could just chuck in the oven on harder days. Could also consider help with laundry etc if your partner wants help but not necessarily with childcare.

However, all parents are entitled to take 18 unpaid weeks in the period up to a child's 18th birthday. It's a good idea to keep some of those in reserve for unexpected situations, but considering that the family is in a good place financially he could definitely take 6 weeks over the next few months to be a present and equal parent.

I had a maternity nurse (they look after the baby 24/6) who basically did everything I couldn't. I was self employed with no maternity leave so had no option. You recruit them from an agency. However my guess is that you would be better off looking for a nanny housekeeper. They can do the housework/laundry/cooking and any baby related tasks your partner doesn't want to do - eg cleaning and sterlising/nappy changes etc. You can get them from an agency like Staff of Distinction/Maternally Yours/Imperial Nannies

You may work very long hours but you could go to your employer and explain that your partner has suffered from the traumatic birth and is unwell and that you need some parental leave on top of your paternity leave to help with her recovery.

Hello OP,

I think there are a few points to look at here:-

1. Your baby is very young and the first weeks can be challenging.
2. The baby’s mother has said she doesn’t want to have a nanny.
3. Separation from the mother can cause issues in development (please review literature).
4. She isn’t breast feeding so the demands are less and she should recover quicker.
5. The main thing you’ve complained about is the house being kept and meals being cooked.

Solution

• Take some further leave if possible or look for adapt hours in the short term.
• Hire a cleaner (permanently)
• Batch cook on days off and/or buy meals for the freezer (plenty of companies out there) you can heat up quickly.

Outsourcing the care of your child isn’t going to help you become a parent. You need to face it and take responsibility; there is no point in child development where it suddenly becomes less stressful, the child is angelic and you go back to your old routines…. Those days are gone, it is hard and a shock but you will become resilient and develop capacity.

So because of the night nanny, your partner could sleep better and then be fit to spend the day sorting the house and getting meals ready?
Reverse that, enable your dp to spend all her time with the baby and hire someone to clean and cook.

I think if she doesn't want a night nanny, it's not going to help anyone and I actually think that babies need you more, than younger they are.

Easier said than done, but I think accepting the chaos and dropping your standards will help you most. A mother's help might be more useful than a night nanny. They literally do that, help the mother so they can help with cooking, cleaning, a bit of baby care etc.

Frozen meal service is useful too. You can get some good quality ones, there's one called COOK which I've used before and is pretty good.

But all this is temporary. Their sleep changes by the week. I don't use sleep training until past age 1 but I know plenty of people who have used it earlier than that and it's benefited their family.

Take each day as it comes, it is hard, I don't think there's any avoidance of that I'm afraid.

Just editing to say sleep training is definitely NOT recommended for a 6 week old! Have to be older, like 6 months.

Your role in the baby phase is to support the mother-baby dyad. Listen to your partner.

OP says she is nursing?

Despite the gadgets, in the long term, bottle feeding is probably more work anyway. It definitely is for the non-lactating partner.

This! And it won't hurt you to live on pre prepared meals for a while, there are loads of good, healthy food delivery services online now, or Cook etc.

A nanny/housekeeper who can take up the day to day so your DW can rest and recover would be a very good start. It won't be forever.

I had a very traumatic birth, I nearly died and woke up on a ventilator in intensive care and was absolutely buggered. They wouldn't let me go home from hospital without a nurse which luckily my private healthcare paid for for 2 weeks (the nurse was for me not baby, but would look after her while I rested though DH did most of that). Through all of this I would have hated to have someone else doing the night care even though I was so unwell, this is such a bonding thing.

I had a cleaner and my Mum would come and help out sometimes, but I struggled with the day to day even with that. At 4 months when I was still struggling to recover I went away for a week, leaving my DH/Mum/Brother to look after her and I slept and recovered and came back a new woman and never looked back. It was very traumatic being separated from her (and I'm sure some people will judge me for it) but I think it was the correct thing for me and my family.

I think you have to listen to your DW and ask what help she wants.

He's not coming back is he? The (very helpful) answers he is getting don't fit with his preconceived idea of what he is going to do (and impose on the baby's mother).

Spend your night nanny money on a cleaner and private chef then if youre so concerned about the house and food. You clearly have no idea about babies and mothers, and you will need to lower your standards, because children are messy

It's a steep learning curve. I get that you need to sleep too as the only wage earner as if you crash out and burn then everyone will struggle. You need to change your phrasing so you don't sound like you think your partner can't cope. say you need a night nanny as you need to sleep. the mum will be awake anyway. sleep deprivation is a form of torture. but worrying that partner won't be able to cook and clean for you is a dick move!

I'm not sure from your post if you are genuinely concerned with your wife's mental health or just more bothered about the state of the house, meals etc?