Night Nurses/Nannies for New Born

[NewBorn2025]

Could I possibly get help with your reviews on night nannies and nurses in London, did you use them for your new born, how did you recruit them, what do they do when the baby is sleeping at night? By night nannies, I am referring to service providers that come into your home in the evening and stay till the morning to look after your baby.

We had a new born recently. The boy is a few weeks old. I am thinking about hiring a night nanny or nurse for the new born.

I work about 17 - 18 hours including commuting. To support the family, will need to get back to work. My partner is nursing herself after a traumatic birth experience, I expect her to recover fully after a few months. I expect our new born to become more difficult and demanding as he goes through growth sprout from week 4 to week 12. I am thinking the week 12 as a milestone.

• My partner is on a maternity leave for a year.
• My income is 3 if not 4 times that of my partner's.
• We do have a mortgage, monthly commitment, not a large amount.
• I don't work from home.
• We do have some savings say live for a year without work at the current rate of spending.
• Night nannies seem to be around £200 - 300 a night (?) which we can afford with my income for a few nights or business days without using savings.
• My partner does not like the idea of night nannies or getting any other individual involved, not to mention a significant saving you achieve by not hiring a night nurse.
• Family member help is not an option for us.
• We already have gadgets/gimmicks that you can buy that are supposed to make your life slightly easier such as UV steriliser, electronic bottle maker, multiple bottles to make washing manageable, air extraction device etc.

I am trying to think logically. I cannot think at the moment of any other solution than night nurses or nannies till the week 12 unless I want to sleep even less than I do today which is about 4 - 5 hours.

My personal beliefs (you might disagree with some of them) are

• The baby at this stage does not see or comprehend emotional attachments or bonds the same way as we do (these seem to me advanced concepts which need to be learned over time and not given innately, if given innately why we have serial killers...). They don't understand routines either. The priority for guardians is to feed the baby, change and keep him in a safe place. Values to help him make better decisions in future can be taught at later stages.
• The baby will settle into outside world with time and become more manageable especially at night as their stomach gets larger and they can hold their waste longer in their body. They do not need night nurses or nannies after a while.

She doesn't need someone to take the baby so she can do the housework or cook your dinner. She needs someone who will let her nurse her baby and look after everything else. I can imagine suggesting she passes the baby to someone else so she can do other things is receiving push back, I would of been furious TBH.

You need to outsource the cleaning and perhaps use something like Cook or express meal boxes.

Your baby needs to be with mum not a stranger. I would read up on early attachment. It's vital for baby to have needs met by parents to build strong attachment. You cant just buy your way out of the difficult parts of parenthood. There will always be a trade off. It's bloody hard with a newborn. But its meant to be hard. The baby is completely dependent on you, as it should be. Your job is to provide connection and love to baby not palm it off on someone else because its inconvenient. Sorry to sound harsh. Obviously there are situations like the lady above who was a single mum to twins or when babies are in ICU where there is no option. But you do have an option.

Having read a more recent update i think I was a bit harsh. If you have money to spend spend it on a cleaner and getting meals delivered. That would be much better money spent. Allows you both time to focus on your family unit.

My first DC was a very unsettled, high-needs baby. There were many times when what I desperately wanted was to hand him over to someone else, so that I could have a breather and do something that made me feel "normal" for an hour - like cook a nice meal or even clean the bathroom.

The most important thing is that any additional help needs to be driven by what the mother needs and wants, not what her partner thinks she should have.

My first DC was a very unsettled, high-needs baby. There were many times when what I desperately wanted was to hand him over to someone else, so that I could have a breather and do something that made me feel "normal" for an hour - like cook a nice meal or even clean the bathroom.

The most important thing is that any additional help needs to be driven by what the mother needs and wants, not what her partner thinks she should have.

Yes of course I totally understand. I wanted the same but as a break when I wanted a break not having someone in the house whose job it was to look after the baby.

You may be in a solution focused space but night nurse is clearly not appropriate as your partner doesn't want it. She doesn't want a night nurse, so no night nurse it is.

Get some daytime help, as others have said. A cleaner. A postpartum doula. Sign up for one of those meal delivery services. Gather the people she trusts and cares about - friends/family? - around you for emotional and practical support if you can.

I’m a little reluctant to suggest this based on the tone of your posts, but perhaps you might discuss with your partner the possibility of hiring a regular nanny who is likely to support your family throughout your son’s early childhood, if that’s something you can afford and potentially see in your future anyway. It may be easier for your partner to process the thought of someone building a relationship with your son and your family longer term, and introducing them early would ultimately be to son’s benefit providing it does not interfere with your partner developing her bond with him.

But, most importantly listen to what your partner wants. And you’d do well to listen to the many mothers on this thread who have been through it and are giving you both consistent and generous advice.

Your “personal beliefs” about your baby not caring who looks after them - ie not really being sentient(??) - and just being something to be “managed” are very self-serving and saddening, OP.

What does your wife say she needs? Maybe start there!

Fwiw, the only way we all
sleep well is for me to bedshare with and breastfeed DC through the night. Works like a charm for us.

You are wrong about attachment. The early months are crucial for developing a bond. Which is not to say a night nanny is not the best solution for your family, if the mum is on board.

I think it’s a case of finding and doing whatever works for each family.
I was a routine DM with no co sleeping and my 3 DC slept 7 hours at 8 weeks and 12 hours at 12 weeks.

Your understanding of attachment is the complete opposite of what it actually is.

The bonds that baby forms at this age directly relate to brain development.

Of course not I loved my kids, I’d of hated anyone doing what I should have been doing.
Sounds like you didn’t realise what being a parent would interfere with your life.

You would be getting divorced if you were my husband. He is your fucking son not The Boy or Baby. You work less than full time hours. Get your lazy arse out of bed and help your wife. Everyone struggles to start with. Never felt so angered at your points of justification

You are not listening to wife, why is that? Not every problem can be fixed by throwing money at it and part of parenting is those sleepless rough nights when you first bring your baby home. My concern is that even though she has said no, you have just ignored that and you are going ahead with it anyway. I'm sorry but who does that?

Rather than someone look after the baby you need someone to look after you both maybe a cleaner. Il say though is there some kind of issue? There is no reason why having a baby that stops people keeping a house clean and food being prepared I do not understand that at all, if you have a day off batch cook things to get out of the freezer

I’m going to assume your heart is in the right place - MN often gets very negative!
you might be best looking for a post natal doula. They perform different roles depending on expertise but some will cook nutritious meals for your partner to aid recovery and generally support mum and baby in your home for as long as needed
best of luck

So get a cleaner to help her look after the house then. That will help matters.
Its completely normal for a mum to be dressed in pyjamas all day, on the sofa, cluster feeding a newborn. It will get easier over time but leave her be for now.

You can batch cook and freeze food for her, or have meals sent to the house (for less than the cost of a night nanny).

With all due respect, you need to accept her "no", she is the child's mother. And your opinion on child attachment as a newborn is incorrect, they do know whether their mother is there or not. By smell alone.

You are being extremely arrogant thinking you know better than your own partner, and shutting people down for telling you what you're doing is not a good idea.

You work less than full time hours.

I read this bit - I work about 17 - 18 hours including commuting - as being per day, not per week. So the OP gets home early hours of the morning, has a few hours sleep and then heads back to work for 8/9am.

I agree that he needs to figure out a way to help and be involved regardless, but it's difficult with such toxic working hours.

My DH used to get in 2 am, absolutely exhausted, and I'd have been up with the baby half the night and I'd be screaming at him because I was so tired and fed up. And he'd be simultaneously refusing to help and apologising while setting his alarm for 5.30am.

Jesus. Who cares if the house is a mess and there’s no dinner on the table? Is it 1955? She had a baby a few weeks ago. You need to do more.

Also Google "fourth trimester", it isn't just mumbo jumbo. These are scientifically supported facts now. The baby must be near its mum, they don't even realise they're separated physically at this stage.

I am so worried for your baby if you're already treating it like an inconvenience to be palmed off on someone else. Listen to your partner, at the very least it sounds like she wants this baby.

And fwiw if your partner wanted a night nanny, I think the replies on this thread while be very very different.

Hire a cleaner and a healthy good service. If you want to help. Ironing service etc.
Leave the childcare to your wife.

Babies absolutely know their parents small and look to you for safety and security.

If your wife wanted help, Bubble does offer this service in London.

I'd look at how do you wrap around care and outsource everything else if you can afford it. Leave new mum to heal from birth and bond. Disrupting that, especially after a traumatic birth could result in binding issues and PPD or PPA.

It's how I'd approach it.

Definitely pay for a cleaner and get meal deliveries in, instead.

Let your partner continue to nurse, let her bond with the baby.

Yes, it it's bloody tough for the first 18 years (coughs!), but the early days are so important. And they fly by!

You need to outsource the cleaning, then, and let your partner focus on her newborn.

Ok then get a cleaner/or someone help do the day to day crap. Not a night nurse. Or accept the house is going to look immaculate, we've all been there. A cleaner definitely helps, someone to do the other stuff might be beneficial but don't push the night nurse.

It is what it is with a newborn we all suck it up, it does however get so much easier but you are in the trenches currently regarding sleep deprivation. Mine was sleeping through were now 4.5months were cutting our second tooth and it is shit and I'm seeing every hour but whilst it's tough, this too shall pass!