SIL not making effort with my baby?

[Smileykukka]

Hi, just after some advice.
My bros wife isn't really interested in my baby. Doesn't make much of an effort. If all my family get together and my child does something funny or we are singing she just stares at her and doesn't smile. I've seen her play with her a couple of times for a short while but then will continue to ignore her for the rest of the day. We were in Greece (my parents, bro and sil, my sister and her partner and on one occasion she didn't acknowledge my baby all day, even when my baby was looking at her she didn't interact.
I'm just abit hurt if I'm honest.

I have a niece who's 5 years old from my sister and as an auntie myself I love her and spend as much time as I can with her.

Maybe she’s just not a baby person - might not be personal to your baby. As long as she’s not being horrible to it I think you might be expecting too much.

I am a bit like this tbh. I don’t get all the goo goo gaa gaa over the baby thing. I’m not mean to babies I just think they are a bit boring. She will probably be better when your child is a bit older and can play and talk. I love entertaining the little ones playing games with them just not so bothered with babies. I do always give them a hello though 🤷🏻‍♀️

Some people just aren't interested in small children, and don't relate to them in any way, especially if they don't have their own. Don't be hurt by it!

Same way as I'm not particularly interested in animals - I see people fussing over a puppy and I'm just.....meh.

If all you’re wanting is a minor bit of interaction, then I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Not being a baby person doesn’t mean you can be rude. If a baby shakes a rattle and grins at you, then the least you can do is smile back and make a comment. Obviously the child isn’t going to be offended at being ignored like an adult would, but I still think a two second response is a very low bar.

But I don’t think she should be expected to be more involved than that. Playing with babies is the height of tedium, and I won’t do it either! Obviously I did with my own children (while internally screaming at building another tower or whatever), but I didn’t expect others to, and I don’t play with my nephew.

You need to stop over thinking it. Enjoy your baby. Who cares about others

Not everyone is interested in babies, especially if they don’t have any. I have to say I wouldn’t do more than a little smile at a baby that wasn’t mine and wasn’t actually related to me. It wouldn’t occur to me that someone would get offended by that.

I don't find other people's babies interesting, and didn't expect everyone to be utterly enthralled by my son either.

Does your brother get involved? Surely that's more important.

I can’t be bothered with babies. I’m sure she doesn’t mean anything disrespectful or dislikes your baby, it’s probably just disinterest. And that is ok.

How often are you expecting her to laugh at funny baby things or join in with singing? I have two babies, and I quite like a baby cuddle. But I also like grown up chat which doesn’t break off for ‘aaaaw look at his ikkle snotty nose’.

I have three dcs of my own and I do love babies but I do dislike this expectation that when you are in the company of a baby, the baby has to be the centre of attention.

Is your brother "making an effort" or are you just directing this at his wife because she's a woman?

I find people like this are generally quite dull personality-wise.

It’s not actually her niece/nephew though it’s her husband’s and if she split from him she’d never see your baby again so I do think there’s a difference between blood and in-law (for some people)
I love my niece and nephews to the end of the world but my husbands brothers kids are just my husbands brothers kids.

Is that you Cam?

You're giving Lion King vibes right now OP.

Just chill out

I had this with my own sister hence my flesh and blood DN.

My sister kept trying to get me to go to her baby swimming class as a spectator to watch how adorable her baby was swimming. I honestly couldn't care less about watching a baby swimming class and it was of no interest to me. She was pissed off that I said no.

It didnt change. DN ended up with a tiny bit of a lisp when speaking. Then it was constantly telling DN in front of me "say scissors" so aunty can hear you. She kept on doing it...with an adoring smile every time DN said thithors instead of scissors.

1. I dont care
2. I dont think it's a good thing to draw attention to children saying words wrong as it will undoubtedly correct when they're older.

It was over and over again so I finally politely said I dont need to keep hearing DN say scissors. Sister was pissed off again that I didnt want to share something so adorable.

Sorry you love your baby but it's really not a constant joy to anyone other than parents.

Whats your brother and brother in law like with your baby?

People who don't particulatly like babies or people who expect expect their babies to be the centre of everyone's universe?

I feel for your SIL. She is just not interested. Some people don’t find kids cute or want to engage with them. I had little interest in DH’s nieces/nephews and any engagement was out of politeness.

You love your child dearly and think she’s wonderful but you can’t force other people to be interested.

What kind of 'acknowledgement' should she have given your baby in a day of being around her -- a handshake? A salute? A short speech?

The world doesn’t revolve around your baby. You may think she’s the best thing since sliced bread but that doesn’t mean everyone else needs to.

sounds like she doesn’t have kids of her own? Before I did, I really disliked other babies and children, even my nieces/nephews. I found them boring and didn’t understand the fuss. Even now, I’m really not that interested in other people’s babies. But I never expected people to be interested in mine either. I’d just let it go.

Nobody is ever as interested in our babies as we are!

Your SIL doesn't have to be interested in, amused by or involved with your baby.

Your baby is the centre of your world, not everyone else's.

Does she have kids? Honestly i didn’t get it either until i had my own. Now i fawn over all kids 😂

But i do think she’s missing out. For me some so-called feminism thinking made me think babies were just a burden rather than a blessing. I’m wiser now