SIL not making effort with my baby?

[Smileykukka]

Hi, just after some advice.
My bros wife isn't really interested in my baby. Doesn't make much of an effort. If all my family get together and my child does something funny or we are singing she just stares at her and doesn't smile. I've seen her play with her a couple of times for a short while but then will continue to ignore her for the rest of the day. We were in Greece (my parents, bro and sil, my sister and her partner and on one occasion she didn't acknowledge my baby all day, even when my baby was looking at her she didn't interact.
I'm just abit hurt if I'm honest.

I have a niece who's 5 years old from my sister and as an auntie myself I love her and spend as much time as I can with her.

If she’s like that with all babies than yabu - she’s not a baby person.

If she’s sociable with everyone else’s baby and assuming that your baby wasn’t ill or something then Yanbu.

Nobody thinks that our babies are as great as we do.

Not her circus, not her monkeys. As long as she's not outright rude or mean to your child, she's doing nothing wrong. Babies aren't for everyone.

Seriously? It's got nothing to do with feminism. The only connection feminism has to do with this is that it helped women realise they don't have to pretend to be obsessed with, or even interested in, babies. Unfortunately not everyone got the memo and women are still expected to go gaga over babies.

It’s like the old saying - kids are like farts, you only tolerate your own. I have no interest in babies, or most children until roughly high school age where you can start and hold a half decent conversation with them. No idea why that’s a problem. Obviously I was interested in my own, but I didn’t hold an expectation that anyone else should be.

Why should she?

She may not like babies, she may be going through infertility, she may have had a horrific miscarriage before she met your brother. It may be her way of coping. Or she might not just be interested. Anything could be going on in her life. I had IVF on and off for years. When people would ask me ‘Do you think you’d like a family Sarah? I’d reply ‘God no, well not yet anyway, can’t stand the little blighters, I’m having too much fun.’ But in secret I longed to have children. But saying that, whilst I wanted my own, I couldn’t get too cootchie coo over other people’s babies.

Life does not revolve around your children, not everyone will love them as much as you do.

She sounds like me, lol. Babies bore me (as they get older it gets better ). As others have said, babies are only really interesting to the parents, and not everyone likes babies that much. Who cares? Enjoy your baby!

Are you the same woman who could not understand why people were not delighted by her changing her baby's shitty nappy at a restaurant table?

You sure seem the same type of person.

You had sex and spat out a ball of genes 9 months later, you didn't birth the Messiah.

Playing Devil's advocate, when I had my children my SiL never acknowledged them, I later found out that unbeknownst to me she and BiL were in the middle of IVF and her mental health was taking a hit. Cooing over my babies was just not something she was able to do at that time, when she conceived my niece she explained why she'd been so "cold" with our children and apologised which we understood

Be grateful, seriously. My SIL is the opposite, she thinks my babies are hers. She will take them without asking, tell me what to do with my own babies, she once cut me out of a picture leaving just her and my babies in saying “my babies” Seriously, just be grateful

Some people just aren’t into babies and kids 🤷🏻‍♀️ I love my children and am fond of those of my family and friends but in general, I don’t like kids! I’d rather poke my eyes out with a stick than be a teacher but that’s just me 🤭

It’s not impacting you so I’d just try not to pay any attention to it, she’s allowed to not be bothered by a baby. She might not see your baby as her DN as she’s an in-law, it’d be different if the child was older and she ignored them if they spoke to her but I don’t think you need to acknowledge a baby

I’m not remotely interested in babies who aren’t my blood relation.

You don’t mention your brothers level of interest…

@Smileykukka , why do you think your brother's wife has to worship at the altar of your baby?

I really love babies. I can watch them all day, they are brilliant. My SIL would rather gargle with razor blades than spend 5 minutes with a baby. That's fair enough. She likes spending time with older kids and I find tweens kind of exhausting.

My BIL doesn't like any kids at all but adores his dog and I couldn't care less about the badly trained hound.

Not everyone cares about the same things. No one has to.

The world might revolve around your baby for you but not for others. She's not obligated to fawn over your baby. Seems like you need the attention more than you believe your baby does. Get over it.

I don't 'do' babies and don't find them interesting or amusing. When they are a bit older, walking, talking and wiping their own backsides, then I'll play for hours.

As long as she doesn't point at the baby and say, "you're short, your belly button sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother", I think it's ok.

She considers the baby to be "my husbands niece/nephew". Most people don't really care about your baby as much as you do. I love my friends kids and I love my niblings, but quite hoenstly the attention I gave to them as babies was fake. I do it cause that is what you do. Now that my niblings are older, they're awesome.

Since you obly talk about your SIL, Im assuming your brother is handling the uncleing for both of them?

Most people aren’t genuinely interested in babies before they have their own. They are fairly dull, but once you’ve had your own, you get more of the cuteness and significance and understand that interacting with the baby is mostly about indulging the parents to be polite.

You love you niece because she's your sister's daughter. Your daughter is only her niece through marriage. That's verj likely why she feels differently to how you do.
Also, lots of people have absolutely no interest on babies. Some can't stand them.

I think you’re being unreasonable. Your baby is not her family and she’s not interested. Not everyone is in to babies so just let it go.

I think a lot of people can be like this before they have their own kids and she probably doesn't even realise its upsetting you. I love kids but I have my hands full with my own son so I don't tend to fawn all over anyone else's children. It sounds like your little one has plenty of interested family members so I wouldn't let it worry you.

I love my own child but feel incredibly awkward and clueless around other children. It’s nothing personal. I am a mix of afraid I say or do something “wrong” and genuinely just rubbish at knowing what’s expected to say. I’m rubbish with my own nieces and nephew and I do feel super guilty about it!

Some people are just not good at this stuff and it’s not dislike or a personal attack on you or your child.

Could it be that your sister in law is trying / wanting to have a child and is struggling?
If she shows lots of interest in your baby then people will ask her when she / they are starting a family, this could be very upsetting/ painful.
Some babies with sick / bogies / snot/ poo /drool is a bit gross to someone else.

YABU some people just don’t find babies interesting. Or she might not be able to have any children of her own and goes home and cries after seeing your baby.