SIL not making effort with my baby?

[Smileykukka]

Hi, just after some advice.
My bros wife isn't really interested in my baby. Doesn't make much of an effort. If all my family get together and my child does something funny or we are singing she just stares at her and doesn't smile. I've seen her play with her a couple of times for a short while but then will continue to ignore her for the rest of the day. We were in Greece (my parents, bro and sil, my sister and her partner and on one occasion she didn't acknowledge my baby all day, even when my baby was looking at her she didn't interact.
I'm just abit hurt if I'm honest.

I have a niece who's 5 years old from my sister and as an auntie myself I love her and spend as much time as I can with her.

Babies are amongst the most boring things on earth. Even my own were tedious. They get marginally interesting around 6 months, and are delightful by about 18 months or so.

I guess that makes me team sister-in-law.

The expectation that anyone except me and my husband and possibly parents give a flying toss about my babies is something that honestly never crossed my mind.

People make more efforts with kids now, then in the past.

Sounds like she’s being polite enough. I was probably a bit like this with my nephew at first - I really am not very into babies and don’t find them particularly enchanting, don’t really want to hold them. But then my nephew turned 2 and became his own little person and now I am his number one fan, I am obsessed with him and I can’t get enough of spending time with him or spoiling him. I wouldn’t have expected it when he was little! She might be like me.

Maybe she's like me and I'd not that interested in babies. Don't take it personally.

The only babies I ever really went gaa gaa over were my own three. Even they did get repetitive and a bit tedious at times. I preferred them once they got older and could do stuff for themselves too.

I really wasn't particularly interested in other people's babies beyond occasional polite conversation and didn't really expect others to be bowled over by mine.

I don't think you can expect your SIL, or anyone else come to that, to gush constantly over your baby if they aren't naturally that way inclined.

I doubt she dislikes your baby, just can't be arsed with all the other performances that go with it so keeps to herself.

Babies? Yes, they can be, but they become more interesting as the get older.

I don’t like small babies, once they get to toddler age they are much better to interact with

stop worrying about it, just let her be

There are not many other young children in the family but I’m only really interested in my own and I’m not offended if other people are not interested in my child. My own sister is not a baby person and doesn’t want her own. She showed no interest in my daughter but it didn’t bother me at all.

I’m like this. Got kids myself but am not a baby person or even a kid person really. Love my own and find them fun but don’t ge t massively excited about others kids and feel awks to go and pick up someone else’s baby even within family. I’m better with toddlers and over but as I say, I likely come across a bit disinterested even then. I’ll acknowledge the kid and laugh and stuff when required, but I’m not that bothered. TBH I reckon most people aren’t too bothered by other people’s kids!

There could be anything behind this - jealousy? or she’s trying but failing to get pfegnant, Annoyed baby is taking attention fro
her? Fed up baby is getting your DBs attention or anyone els’s attention or just not interested in babies

I couldn't give a shiny shite about other people's children either, including family. As long as you and your partner do who cares. Babies are boring to me, as boring as watching golf or soaps on the tele. You do you and let your SIL be her

its not her baby, she doesn't have to like your baby.

The first thing I thought was I wonder if she has had a miscarriage she has not spoken of, or suffers from infertility or is desperate to be a Mum and something is working against her. Maybe she is a Mum already but is suffering secondary infertility etc. It’s easy to forget these feelings if you’ve been unlucky enough to have been through this.

Yes we all want us / our offspring to be bathed in glorious attention, sometimes, just sometimes recognise something in others.

Or I know many mothers who just about tolerate their own and have little to no interest in other peoples children. This one I find sad.

Perhaps she is experiencing fertility issues and actually finds it painful being around you and your baby or witnessing the extended family adulation?

Its your child and you love and adore it, its the way it should be. But if your SIL doesn't want kids or hasn't got to that stage were she may consider it, she is genuinely probably just not interested. No insults intended but its just not her bag!

And maybe she is being questioned on a regular basis about when she is having kids, which is bound to come up if she takes interest in little ones, and so she is avoiding it.

Also, and I will get torn to shreds over this one, when a parent goes on holiday in a family group or indeed is at a family gathering, there is an unspoken anticipation that the other family members will give the parent a break and look after the kids for a while. I am child friendly but I have lost count of the times I have been at a family gathering and someone has asked me to look after little Tommy for 5 minutes whilst they go to the loo and I have to hunt them down 2 hours later.

She is quite within her rights not to do this (its her holiday too) and she may just be setting her boundaries by not showing ANY interest to avoid this situation.

🤣

Not everyone is into babies. I find them quite boring, frankly.

I don't have children (from choice, just never wanted them) and have zero interest in babies or toddlers. If you had a cat, though ....

You’re being a bit weird. Your precious baby is lovely I’m sure, but not the centre of the universe. Maybe your SIL doesn’t really “get” babies, maybe she doesn’t feel close to you so feels uncomfortable getting up in your baby’s face. Maybe she is struggling to conceive, whatever it is, just don’t dwell on it.

I have a theory about people like this. I mean it’s perfectly possible that she just isn’t interested of course. But I also think some people lack confidence and don’t think they are that good at interacting with babies and young children. Babies don’t smile politely or laugh if they find your facial expression weird, or your chat boring, they might just stare at you, or look away or worse, cry. And this puts some people off. It comes naturally to some- the ones who have big wide smiles, and a jolly tone and seem to know what to say and do to catch their attention and make them laugh. Babies can be a tough crowd so some people prefer to avoid. Not all babies react well to people they don’t know well either and that’s fine. Perhaps your sis in law just lacks confidence.

I have a niece who's 5 years old from my sister and as an auntie myself I love her and spend as much time as I can with her

That's different. She's a blood relative.

I would find it weird personally because I was excited to become an aunt. My neice is my DH's brother's child, but she is probably the only neice/nephew I'll ever have, and I want to be her auntie and be part of her life. I used to find it very annoying that my own brother doesn't take much of an interest in my DS. He's never even sent him a birthday card. But we need to not take it personally. Some people aren't that bothered with babies/children, and that's their right. You can't control other people, just ignore it.

Not from the amount of parents I see who see stick a screen in their kid’s face rather than bother interacting with them on a given day…

Some people are a bit awkward around babies, even if they do like them!. When I was younger I hated it if people wanted me to say hello to their baby because I hated putting on a voice or just made me cringe. I wouldn’t take it personally, she might change when your baby is older.

Sounds similar to DH's side of the family. DSIL just has not showed much interest, BIL much the same. They never ask about the DC.