SIL not making effort with my baby?

[Smileykukka]

Hi, just after some advice.
My bros wife isn't really interested in my baby. Doesn't make much of an effort. If all my family get together and my child does something funny or we are singing she just stares at her and doesn't smile. I've seen her play with her a couple of times for a short while but then will continue to ignore her for the rest of the day. We were in Greece (my parents, bro and sil, my sister and her partner and on one occasion she didn't acknowledge my baby all day, even when my baby was looking at her she didn't interact.
I'm just abit hurt if I'm honest.

I have a niece who's 5 years old from my sister and as an auntie myself I love her and spend as much time as I can with her.

There's a lot of that expectation around now. I find it really irritating at family gatherings. The children take centre stage all the time.

Why on earth would you expect her to be interested in your kid?

My SIL saw my DS once when he was a baby and said she didn’t want to hold him and couldn’t leave quick enough. He’s 4 now and she’s not seen him since he was a couple of weeks old.

DH’s brother is the same. They just want nothing to do with him so we just don’t include them in anything we do. They’d just decline the invite if they knew DS would be there so we don’t see them anymore.

I agree too. Babies and little kids can be so boring and there presence at group gathering can make the whole thing tedious. We have a family member we visit on my husbands side and if their grandchildren are there they just sit around watching the kids. It’s so boring. They don’t even properly interact with the kids so the staring and watching is even more annoying.

It’s completely different to your own kids or if you are being paid to watch them.

OP, YAB very U

That is me. I'm just not interested, not even in dh's grandchildren.

I would probably be like your SiL. I'm not interested in babies and I don't go out of my way to interact with them. One of my colleagues mentioned one day that I disliked children, and when I denied this said she thought that because I didn't coo over her son when he was small. Which annoyed me because not cooing does not equal disliking. I like children just fine. I find them more interesting when they are aged about 8 years and older, and you can have proper conversations with them.

I'm glad you said that. I am the same. I'm nice to them but I don't go out of my way to engage with them. DH and his daughter prance round like performing seals, and everything is amazing or good job, and it's impossible to have any kind of non child related conversation when they are with us.

Not everyone is interested in babies or children. Just because your daughter is your SIL niece, doesn't mean she has to be interested. As long as your SIL isn't mean and your brother pays attention to her, that should be enough. It might be that she finds all babies rather boring, and it's nothing personal against your child. Perhaps she'll be better once the baby is older? I assume she doesn't have children with your brother? Could she be struggling to conceive, and is finding it hard to fuss over your daughter? Accept the situation for what it is. We're all different, and no one has to be interested in your daughter from either side of your extended family.

Sorry I wouldn't have noticed.

Some people just don’t care for babies that much. My sister isn’t a baby person, she finds them hard as they can’t communicate. Now my kids are a bit older and can talk she is really good with them. A lot of people are just not that interested in babies for whatever reason - and as long as that’s not the parent then that’s okay!

I really would not care

They progressed fantastically and are at University having a great time.

I'm really not interested in other people's babies either.

What does it matter? Honestly, babies are not that interesting to a lot of people. Obviously your own baby is quite rightly the centre of your universe, but you can't expect everyone else to be mesmerised by her. All babies do the same things and it's mostly nothing very new or exciting to anyone other than the baby's parents.

Someone must have had to grit their teeth and chat to them then…

She doesn’t have to be it’s not her child, just because you find her entertaining doesn’t mean others do, she is probably bored of the fact that’s all you talk about.

Think it’s the opposite. People are becoming more selfish and think it’s OK to make no effort with children. How do you think children learn if you don’t bother interacting with them?

It's probably simply that someone else's baby is not that interesting to her. Most people would feel like this.

Tbh, a family holiday with about 7 or 8 adults which you describe, is going to be quite a bit of sensory overwhelm if all the adults are cooing over or interacting with a baby. Plus of course the adults are probably wanting their Greek holiday to be about relaxing/ sunbathing/ swimming, not entertaining a baby.

just don’t take it personally. I’ve never been fussed about babies other than my own and never expected anyone else to be. And certainly before I had children, I would have wanted child- free holidays so at least she came along!

I think I read on here once the quote 'children are like farts, you can tolerate your own but nobody elses' which really resonated with me.

I could be the SIL in this post because I've been accused of disliking my nephew because apparently I didn't interact with him like other visitors at MIL's house (those other visitors being women in their 60s and 70s and I was a childless woman in my late 20s). My MIL accused me of not liking him on the basis he is "illegitimate" - her words not mine! I'm not of the generation where "illegitimacy" is something to be frowned at and it had never even crossed my mind. I'm simply not the type to be enthralled by someone elses child. I was absolutely taken aback and it's safe to say we're NC with SIL and LC with MIL. An obvious case of projecting their own insecurities into me.

Focus on yourself and your baby and not on SIL.

Personally I love babies/children but I don't care if anyone else doesn't. A friend of mine has a "fur baby" that I constantly ignore because I don't have it in me to fake interest in dogs when I'm not a dog person. As long as she's nice and polite it doesn't really matter, does it?

Other people’s babies/children are dull verging on irritating.

When the baby does something funny?
Funny by whose standards? Some people don't find babies funny, they find them boring. It sounds like your baby was the only child on that holiday? How much attention was he getting, with people cooing all over him. Babies change dynamics and that can piss people off. She might have wanted some nice cocktails in the sun, even for just 30 minutes without baby talk!

People like who? The sil or the op? I find people who expect their baby to be the centre of attention quite dull, personality-wise.

Babies are boring. I will interact briefly in order to be polite but otherwise I'd rather interact with adults. The notion of everyone singing baby songs is my idea of hell and I would be excusing myself.

My SIL was and is the same. Held them when they were babies but no interaction and as a result at 10 years old, they’re not close. She’s had a baby of her own recently and looks at every opportunity to pass her child off for the night. Says it all really.