SIL not making effort with my baby?

[Smileykukka]

Hi, just after some advice.
My bros wife isn't really interested in my baby. Doesn't make much of an effort. If all my family get together and my child does something funny or we are singing she just stares at her and doesn't smile. I've seen her play with her a couple of times for a short while but then will continue to ignore her for the rest of the day. We were in Greece (my parents, bro and sil, my sister and her partner and on one occasion she didn't acknowledge my baby all day, even when my baby was looking at her she didn't interact.
I'm just abit hurt if I'm honest.

I have a niece who's 5 years old from my sister and as an auntie myself I love her and spend as much time as I can with her.

I was never a baby person before I had kids. Also don’t find little kids cute to the extent i want to fawn over them. I would happily hold someone’s baby for the purpose of helping the mum out for example.

Now I have kids of my own, i stil don’t think other kids are the centre of the universe. You may think your kid is funny but others don’t. I also still can’t wait for the baby and toddler stage to be over.

OP's not been back I see

Could they be TTC and she's maybe a little envious. Also Your Niece is your Sister's Child that's entirely different to a Niece in law or even a paternal Niece.

You don't melt when you see a Puppy that's just weird.

Not sure if anyone’s said this as not read all replies but could she be wanting a child if her own and it not happening . Nothing more painful when wanting a baby than seeing someone else’s and be made to revel in the joy when your heart is being ripped out by being in their prescence thinking it’s never going to be you

Not everyone’s a dog person. I don’t like dogs either, I’ll be polite and greet one but I really don’t like them jumping up at me. I find people who say they don’t like cats is ok but when someone says they don’t like dogs it’s not acceptable 🤣

Is this a joke?

no idea but its definitely true and VERY annoying.

Got to be honest, until I had my son I would have had no idea how to interact with a baby as never had any contact with them. I still cringe if someone else’s child comes towards me as I don't know what say or do with them. I’m also not particularly interested in other people’s kids. Just because you love your own kid, you can’t expect other people to. She probably doesn’t mean anything by it. Alternatively she may be having problems of her own such as she can’t have kids and may be doing her best.

Yes very true
Anyone whom's sincerely kind is an extra bonus, but the most imperative thing is Mum dotes on her dear baby 🙏

I wasn't at all interested in babies and didn't know what to do with them until I had my own. I'd just accept it.

I dont like other peoples kids either to be honest

Babies may terrify her from a responsibility point of view she may never have had experience with infants or it may invoke a freeze response as she may have a traumatic personal childhood experience or past. She may even feel overwhelmed if she cannot have her own family or has even lost a child or had an abortion. You never know anyone's reasons but certainly never EVER take her reaction as personal. That would actually be quite unkind. Try to accept that there are ALWAYS reasons for people being different. Despite you and I absolutely loving children to smithereens, some people simply don't have these feelings sadly.

Im not keen on other people's children/babies despite having my own who i love dearly. She just sounds like an independent woman who stays in her own corner.

In very invested and loving to my own babies, but I find it really hard to be really loving and gushing over other babies. Even my best friends babies I think I've held probably twice each, I never reach for other babies. I'm better with toddlers and older kids. Maybe she's like that?
Or is she going through fertility issues, as that would explain a lot

This.. plus they're boring 🤣

Your baby is your world, not everyone else's!

It's worth considering that her behavior may have a deeper cause, perhaps unrelated to your daughter. Have you noticed if she struggles to connect with others in the family, or do you know if she has a history of personal trauma?
I understand how this feels from my own experience. I was in a 25-year relationship where I never fit in with my partner's family. A lot of that was due to my own history—being raised by a narcissistic parent and dealing with a long-undiagnosed mental health condition. My anxiety and stress made it difficult to open up, and I was always a very private person.
There might be a similar reason for your sister-in-law's lack of engagement. She might feel like she's intruding or that there's a barrier she can't overcome.

You will get a lot of people defending this on here OP, but I'm real life, it's normal for families to show interest in babies and interact with them. It doesn't matter whether you are personally a baby person. Your loved family member has had a baby and you should show interest because that's what people who care about each other do. Babies are also human beings and learn via interaction, and imo deserve acknowledgement and interaction from people around them. The baby is still a family member!

I don't like men much lmao, but I still have to communicate with them and interact with them as it's part of life 😂

I don't get why it's acceptable to ignore and not interact with children. They are people. It wouldn't be acceptable with anyone anyone else. No one would say 'Im not interacting with Brenda because old people aren't my thing'

I am not really interested in other people's children. I try to pretend to be but it is a big effort. I don't really expect much interest in mine.

Perhaps it is a case of ''once bitten, twice shy''. She may have paid a baby too much attention for the mum's liking and got short shrift for her efforts.

As we can’t control other people’s feelings or actions, your best approach is to focus on the people who do engage with your baby and protect your own feelings.
It’s natural to feel a tiny bit hurt, but your baby will thrive on the love and attention they do get, and that’s what really matters.

Before having my own DD i had no idea how to interact with a baby. My cousin had a wonderful little boy who i kind of did this with, i had no idea what i was supposed to do.

Shouldn’t let it get to you. You are preprogrammed to revolve around your own children like the sun, but rarely by others outside your bubble.

I adore my children and enjoyed all their little moments but I couldn’t care less if they didn’t quite inspire others with the same joy.

Genuinely not fussed about anyone else’s kids…..