SIL not making effort with my baby?

[Smileykukka]

Hi, just after some advice.
My bros wife isn't really interested in my baby. Doesn't make much of an effort. If all my family get together and my child does something funny or we are singing she just stares at her and doesn't smile. I've seen her play with her a couple of times for a short while but then will continue to ignore her for the rest of the day. We were in Greece (my parents, bro and sil, my sister and her partner and on one occasion she didn't acknowledge my baby all day, even when my baby was looking at her she didn't interact.
I'm just abit hurt if I'm honest.

I have a niece who's 5 years old from my sister and as an auntie myself I love her and spend as much time as I can with her.

I don't think there is any obligation to be particularly interested in your husband's sister's baby tbh, particularly when you don't have kids of your own.

You have to try and remember that you think your baby is cute and funny and interesting and so on. To almost everyone else on earth she's just another baby. They all smile and laugh and gurgle and crawl and say funny things. They're all broadly the same.

Your baby will never be as important or impressive to everyone else as she is to you.

Stop focusing on your SIl and you do the 'aren't you amazing' oohs and aahs for the mundane things your baby does. After all, you're her Mum.

This exactly

Exactly this! I never understand people who think I should be interested in their dog or cat. I’ll pay it when I arrive to be polite, but don’t actually want to do anything with it.

She may change after she has her own children and has a better understanding of babies and their development. She may not. It doesn’t sound like she is being malicious, and you say she did play with the baby a few times. It’s just at this point in her life, she’s not that interested.

Actually, OP, the weird behaviour here is yours. if you were really scanning your SIL for literally an entire day on holiday to check that she 'didn't acknowledge' your baby. Are you sure that when you looked away or went to the loo that she didn't 'acknowledge' the baby? Or maybe you think she should set hourly reminders on her phone: ACKNOWLEDGE BABY.

Ah yes, childfree woman can’t know her own mind 👍

Small children are boring op. You have to be interested because you grew the child, but no one else does!

Absolutely.

I've got 4 children of my own and found babies (including mine) extremely tedious.

I don't think I've ever fussed over someone's baby. I'm just bored by them. And as a childfree person in Greece spending time playing with a baby would be absolutely bottom of my list of ways I wanted to spend my holiday.

She could find it awkward because she's with a lot of other people - you could get the "oooh look at Sue with the baby, it'll be you next Sue!," comments when she might not want kids/be struggling to have them.

Not everyone knows how to interact with a baby. Not everyone wants to interact with babies. I think you are expecting too much. I don't think I'd even notice how much a SIL interacted with my baby. The only people I would have expectations of would be grandparents.

Don’t take it personally or fixate on it too much op.
As others have said, your baby is the centre of your world, not everyone else’s. Also, she’s your sil, I’d find it more strange if it was your mum, but not a sil.

Sone people find babies a bit boring or just don’t know how to be around them until they are older and….more interesting!

My own sister was similar. She obviously loves both my kids but didn’t really like holding them when they were babies, she herself admitted she much prefers when they are a bit older as she feels like she can interact better and play with them. She’s a great aunty btw, always playing silly games with them and the kids love her.

You don't say whether she's got her own kids or not. It could be that it's not a possibility for her, and being around babies and children is bloody painful. I've been there

Or maybe she just isn't interested in babies and kids. Either way, leave the woman alone! She's not obliged to be fascinated your baby

People are all different and one man’s meat is another man’s poison. Your SIL is not a baby person. Why do you need her to be?

You think babies are a blessing, and bully for you. I can assure you that without feminist activists lobbying for you to have the right to control your own fertility and legally refuse consent within marriage, babies would not be such a 'blessing'.

You also see so many posts on here from parents. Wanting to ban visitors for the first 5 months and then writing a list of terms and conditions about how there is to be no kissing and no inappropriate touching Of the baby.

Maybe people just can't be arsed with any potential aggro and leave you to deal with your own baby as often contact isn't wanted even from family.

Couldn’t give a shit about anyone else’s kids. Even if they are biologically related to me. Maybe she doesn’t have kids and it will change (didn’t for me) maybe she will always be not arsed. Either way she’s not being horrible she just isn’t bothered by your kid

Some people aren’t particularly entranced by babies or small children, @Smileykukka - my mum wasn’t. She made no effort to visit while my dses were little, but enjoyed interacting with them when they were older.

I think you need to accept that, while your baby is obviously the centre of your world, other people don’t have to make her the centre of theirs. I do understand that, as a new mum, this is upsetting for you, but I think you need to focus on your baby, and having fun with her, and let go of the feelings of upset, for your own sake. Focussing on how your SIL is upsetting you will spoil your holiday, and that would be a shame.

😆

Does your sister’s partner go all gooey? Some people, even women, are just not that fussed about other people’s kids. Your expectations are too high.

I’ve got kids and I’m a (secondary) teacher, but I find little ones boring until they’re old enough to have a decent conversation with. I don’t want to play, or talk shite, or pretend that hearing them count to 5 is amazing and that they’re fantastic because they can do something at 6 months when most children do it at 6.5 months. Boring.

I have an amazing son who I love with every cell in my body...but I don't care one bit about other people's babies, I'll give them a 'cooey' hello but that's about it.

Was about to post something similar.

I was like this with my nieces as babies/young kids. I just find them a bit boring! One of my nieces sings & dances and demands we watch all the time and its quite annoying but im not mean to them.

She sounds like she’s not the nicest person if she CBA to give a baby a smile and a wave but I wouldn’t let it bother you.

Wow, you don’t care much about child development then, do you? Wonder how your own kids progressed if you CBA to chat to them as babies…