SIL not making effort with my baby?

[Smileykukka]

Hi, just after some advice.
My bros wife isn't really interested in my baby. Doesn't make much of an effort. If all my family get together and my child does something funny or we are singing she just stares at her and doesn't smile. I've seen her play with her a couple of times for a short while but then will continue to ignore her for the rest of the day. We were in Greece (my parents, bro and sil, my sister and her partner and on one occasion she didn't acknowledge my baby all day, even when my baby was looking at her she didn't interact.
I'm just abit hurt if I'm honest.

I have a niece who's 5 years old from my sister and as an auntie myself I love her and spend as much time as I can with her.

The baby isn’t even a relative of hers!
Why should she have anything to do with it?
My husband’s brothers wife wouldn’t even know his children if she passed them in the street

Before having kids: not being remotely interested in babies is natural.

After having babies: she's done her bit, why should she bother with other kids?

Either way, it's weirder to see people making an effort, or claiming a "cuddle" or all this nonsense.

Babies are just really boring. No one finds them as interesting as their parents do. Especially when you have been on holiday with one and seen all of the lows.

Lol, I can’t stand other people’s kids, even some family ones. Just not interested. I like my own, that’s kind of it.

Nobody loves or likes your child like you do. Accept it. How do you know they've not been trying for one and been unsuccessful? Plenty of my friends couldn't give a rats arse about other folks kids as they have none themselves. I was also in that camp before I had my own. My friends still think the same way about mine lol. Does it upset me? No. People are different. Cooing over your child and you getting bothered about it is silly.

Other people's babies really aren't very interesting to many people! This is fine as it's completely understandable. If you think about it, most people are not interesting to most people; that's why we're not all besties with everyone we've ever met and why we care more about some people, eg family and close friends, than other people.
I think you would be right to expect politeness (as I would to an adult I wasn't interested in) and I do feel sad and cross when I see really young children dumped with a screen at family gatherings basically to shut them up, but it sounds like your SIL is polite. You really can't expect more than that.

Maybe she's an emotionless psycho. 🔪
Can't do much about that. 🤷‍♀️

YABU.
It's weird that you know she went a whole day without acknowledging the baby.

Other people's babies are boring and SIL is probably desperately trying to avoid being pounced on by MIL/everyone with comments like 'oh you're a natural tee hee hee' or 'it'll be your turn next' bollocks.

I like kids from about 18 months but babies are funny wrinkly stinky things before that 😆.

I agree. Some people just don't relate to babies, I can remember my cousin ignoring mine but later on was different. People often change when they have children themselves.

I'm sure it's not personal.

maybe your baby isn’t particularly interesting

Does she own a dog? I am learning that young people would much rather own dogs and pet sit for other people dogs. They will even have a doggy sleepover. I wish I was shitting you but it's true.

well as far as me goes, your theory doesn't hold water.

Sounds like you spend a lot if time focusing on your SIL when she's in your company. Maybe she can sense you constantly watching her and it makes her feel awkward or uncomfortable.

And? It's your baby and of course she's the centre of your world. But let's face it, unless it's your baby why should you be bothered? I wouldn't give a hoot.

It’s weird how people ‘other’ babies isn’t it, like they aren’t real people and it’s ok to dislike them just because they are a baby.

It’s also weird that people just accept someone being ‘not interested’ in a member of their family (albeit in-laws). If this post was OP saying that SIL ignored her then people would be more sympathetic but because it’s a baby it seems to be ok? This thought that people seem to think that others need to be totally captivated by their DC is a bit batshit tbh, parents expect general courtesy to their child in the same way as would be expected for an adult, no one expects the world to stop for their child but I would find it weird if my SIL totally ignored my DC and I can’t imagine a situation where I would ignore my niece or nephew (although it most certainly isn’t a given to join in with baby singing - not for me one bit).

Anyway OP I think that it’s best to just ignore her right back and concentrate on your baby.

A friend of mine many years ago was like that with my baby son.. Years later she had her first baby, and told me that for so long she'd been desperate for a child, and had reacted badly to all friends' and family babies, trying to hide feelings of envy.

I didn’t even find my own baby interesting, let alone anyone else’s!

I enjoy him very, very much now as a toddler and loved him as a baby of course…but he was really tediously boring. I’m not faking it for anyone else’s baby. My baby was boring. Your baby is boring. Babies are boring. To many people. If she was ignoring a toddler actively talking to her/trying to engage her in something that’s very different.

I think we are a lot more tribal ( and matriarchal) than we care to admit. Your niece came out of your sister’s body. Your baby did not come out of her sister’s body.

Who said anything about disliking babies? What “general courtesy” is not being given to the baby here?

I have a BIL who I am not interested in. I find him tedious. If he talks to me I will talk back but I don’t seek out his company at family gatherings. I think that’s absolutely fine. He likely feels the same about me. We just don’t gel. The SIL isn’t refusing to have anything f whatsoever to do with the baby. She just isn’t coochicooing over her constantly. That’s completely fine.

Aslong as she’s not being mean to your baby and is polite, that’s all you can ask for. I have nieces and nephews but am closer to my friends kids. Could be anything but it could be your own attitude. I love my baby nephew but my sil is very difficult, doesn’t like anyone holding him so puts him in the middle of the room for all to see (I kinda get it I didn’t like my baby passed around like a doll but still happy for my baby to have interaction), doesn’t like visitors at all and will only talk about the baby or herself and goes on her phone if anyone is talking about anything else. So I’m not as close as I would like to be but leave them to it. If you’re over analysing every interaction you’re probably not helping

Absolutely this. There’s nothing more tedious than parents who force their darling child to put on a one-toddler show. Everyone sits and looks politely with a faux rictus grin, thinking “FFS, kill me now”.

I'd come across like this too.

I can say a few stock phrases about babies, and ask some standard questions to show a bit of an interest, but I couldn't care less.

The dullest thing on earth to me is a load of adults sitting in a room, drinking tea, commenting on what the baby is doing. "Oh she's a strong crawler" "Doesn't she look like your Auntie Nora" "She's got the Pilkington head shape hasn't she" "She's a bright little thing, look at her looking around" 🥱

Give me a 7 year old that I can chat to and do things with, and I'm much better.

YABU. The world doesn't revolve around your baby!

There are literally posts about disliking babies or not particularly liking babies. If you can read my post to pick it apart perhaps you can read them too?

A general courtesy would be to acknowledge, the OP literally says that at one point the SIL didn’t acknowledge the baby for the full day. Again, try reading.