Shamed for reigns on toddler

[Han1989]

Hello, this is my first post on Mumsnet but I'm looking for opinions on this topic. I have a very active 2 year old who runs away very quickly, enjoys exploring on her own and loves being chased. I usually let her walk holding my hand or on her own if it's in a safe area (no roads etc) however we recently took a short trip to Venice, and as I was anxious about crowds, all the canals etc I got some reigns (the backpack ones with wings which my daughter loves). Playing in a square one afternoon I was confronted by a young Italian woman claiming to be a teacher and giving her opinion that I am treating my child like an animal. I was very taken a back and left the situation, where I became very upset to the point of crying. I genuinely feel I do everything for my child's best interest and to be shamed like this in public whilst on holiday was very distressing. Can anyone give any insight, are reigns really that bad? Please no negative comments, my daughter has a great life and runs freely outside every day.

Reins are fine.
Ignore other people.

I used them on DD in Florida at the theme parks when she was 2 and a runner!!!
Got a LOT of odd looks but gave no shits

No you did absolutely the right thing, my first child was easy and would hold hands and not run off. My second was a bolter I had a backpack with a lead on him almost all the time. I'm convinced he wouldn't have made it past toddlerhood without them, due to the number of times I had to stop him running into the road or jumping into a river.

You do what's best for your child ignore nosey busy bodies who think they know better.

Of course they aren't that bad. They are a safety device that keep toddlers safe.

She'd have had something to say if your child had ended up in the canal or under a car too.

No, reins are not bad. Different cultures have different norms when it comes to child-rearing. The Italian woman you encountered sounds narrow-minded and rather full of herself. Ignore what she said and do what you think it right for your child.

The alternative is to strap your child I to a buggy l day which is far worse. My son loved his bee backpack with reins. He could explore safely.

Reigns are brilliant! It’s not like you are holding the child up in the air with them! I disapprove of Ome people’s use of the dog lead but it doesn’t make it a bad tool!

Some not Ome!

Reigns are fine but I don't like to see parents tugging the child back like a leash or dragging the child around instead of talking and guiding them. I think holding their hand and having it as a back up or using them when near dangerous areas like busy roads, canals, crowds or a pier with low railings etc is very sensible.

Ignore them. I don’t know how anyone survives without reins to be honest. It’s a no brainer in terms of safety in my book. They get freedom and opportunity to learn while you have peace of mind.

I'm 65. My mum used reins on me for safety's sake.

When the Bulger case first hit the news, my mum's sorrowful reaction was "If only people were still using reins for bairns."

ETA Sorry - quoted, and there's no way of deleting the quote.

She sounds like a joy to know.

I am taking ds (2.5) on holiday soon and I'm 100% planning on getting him reins for busy spots or when I'll have my hands full like at the airport. Most of the time he goes everywhere with me on foot just holding hands and he's very good at that but in the last couple of weeks he's started to bolt and take off and he's really fast which would worry me in a crowd or around traffic etc.

What that lady doesn't seem able to recognise is that she's seen a miniscule snapshot of your parenting. You risk assess as is appropriate for your child and what you're planning to do with them. She should have minded her own business.

Admittedly I’m not a Mam, but I have never ever understood some people’s issue with reigns for kids. It must be such a pain in the arse trying to stoop to hold hands with a small child for extended periods of time, especially when they are trying to wiggle away! Probably a pain for the kid as well. I don’t understand the fuss at all.

This granny is a huge believer in reins to keep tiny tots safe!

She was extremely rude. Personally I don’t need to use reins with my toddler but I would if she was a runner. You’re being safety conscious and agree with PP it is much better than strapping them into a buggy all day which I see people do far too much with kids who really should have a chance to get some exercise.

She was a dick. Don’t think anything more of it.

Reins ensure that they can't slip out of your hand and run across the road, or be separated from you by people who want to abduct them.
Peace of mind is worth a few odd looks from politically correct idiots.

This is a screenshot of a post from 2015.

Reins are a godsend.
Personally my choice is the sort that actually fit on the child's chest, but any reins are better than no reins.

The woman was clearly bonkers and ill informed, let alone incredibly rude to start berating a stranger for making safer choices than she would.

We went to Venice when our son was 2 ! Reins saved our holiday . Absolutely ok ,ignore other peoples opinions!

You sound like a great parent who knows what your child needs. Ignore that woman. For all her superiority and alleged experience in education, she hasn't managed to acquire any manners. And even if she has experience of 1,000,000 other children, she has zero experience of yours.

My 3yo goes on reins in public because he is a danger to himself if not physically restrained and reins give him greater freedom than holding hands constantly. But actually, I don't need to state my reasons; he goes on the reins because I'm his mum and that's my choice. And you don't need to state your reasons either.

My kids are ND so I'm very used to dealing with ignorance and judgement on a daily basis and it's a long while since anyone has rattled me. Have confidence in your parenting ability. You know what you're doing and what your kids need. Don't let some random nobody shake your confidence.

I used those backpacks for my DC as they were utterly clueless about their surroundings despite teaching them to be careful around roads etc. I once got told I'm treating them like a dog but I didn't give a flying fuck as their kid was right near water with no one watching them, I'm not taking parenting advice from a shit parent who doesn't watch their kids around water.

I bought some, but in the end didn’t need them. Nothing to do with my terrible parenting, just that children are different. I don’t have a strong opinion on them either way.

I think the first thing they should teach you when you get pregnant is that whatever decision you make for your child is wrong according to some and they won’t care about telling you. Decide what you want to do, if it doesn’t work out change it, but never feel guilty about it. You made the best decision at that time for your family, situations and children change, but there is no point feeling guilty.

Everyone has an opinion on child rearing- I tend to find the biggest experts are often not parents themselves 🤔

if it makes you feel better, have a retort ready for stupid comments, personally I would of gone with:

what a bizarre thing to comment on, are you quite well ?

or

oh it’s fine , she identifies as a spaniel
( bark a few times for effect)

but really use the reigns , they are perfectly fine and a sound choice.

ignore

Honestly you did the right thing! She was a cow, don't let it bother you! Stuff her silly opinions! Xxx

You should have said that you were embarrassed for her, that as a teacher she should know that humans are mammals and so are animals. Maybe her child was a plant and so didn't need reins to keep them safe.