Shamed for reigns on toddler

[Han1989]

Hello, this is my first post on Mumsnet but I'm looking for opinions on this topic. I have a very active 2 year old who runs away very quickly, enjoys exploring on her own and loves being chased. I usually let her walk holding my hand or on her own if it's in a safe area (no roads etc) however we recently took a short trip to Venice, and as I was anxious about crowds, all the canals etc I got some reigns (the backpack ones with wings which my daughter loves). Playing in a square one afternoon I was confronted by a young Italian woman claiming to be a teacher and giving her opinion that I am treating my child like an animal. I was very taken a back and left the situation, where I became very upset to the point of crying. I genuinely feel I do everything for my child's best interest and to be shamed like this in public whilst on holiday was very distressing. Can anyone give any insight, are reigns really that bad? Please no negative comments, my daughter has a great life and runs freely outside every day.

That post has haunted me since I read it first time around. My eldest DD was only a baby at the time.
I used reins for all 3 of my DCs when I felt I needed to.

The thing is, a child might not like them, or it might seem like restricting their freedom, but at least they're alive.
As @EmpressaurusKitty screenshot shows, the alternative doesn't bear thinking about.
My son liked wearing his lion vest and reins. Safety is non negotiable in my book, as for all decent parents. If you need them to keep a child safe, use them. If not for reins my son would've had less freedom because he'd have to be strapped in the buggy whilst I was dealing with his baby sister. I literally can't hold a child's hand, push buggy and breastfeed baby in sling at the same time.

Having lived in a couple of other European countries I can say that yes, some other nationalities do get a bit aerated seeing a small child wearing reins (or even just the idea of them!) and liken them to a dog lead. However it matters not a jot what they think. Far better reins than a lost/hurt child in a busy place - they'd have plenty to say about that too.

You'll always get people banging on about dogs on leads but these people didn't have a runner. Better then on reins than under a car.

You're keeping your DD safe using reins - sod the reaction of others.

What's the alternative - strap her in a buggy, with crying and wailing as she wants to walk. Reins are absolutely fine

Urgh, what a dick. I had similar comments when I used reins for my toddlers. I told them to come down to the local PICU and chat to the doctors and nurses there about their opinions on reins. Spoiler alert - once you’ve withdrawn care on a toddler who has darted in front of a car you will update your thinking on reins smartish.

I don't know how many people outside the UK use them. I live in Denmark and got lots of stares and omg look LOOK AT THAT comments, although they weren't directed to me. Theres an episode of Modern family where they poke fun at reigns. But I just don't care. I love my DC more and want them safe.

Your first mistake was not telling her to piss off and stay in her own lane. Your second is to care what a stranger says.

Bloody hell, crying over a strangers comments!
You haven't been shamed, she had her opinion and should have kept her mouth shut but you need to toughen up. You were looking after your child.

I loved reigns
They gave my children a sense of freedom and independence but I was still in control of their safety.

Wow thankyou everyone for your support I'm very grateful! I wish I had said something to her now, but I was too shocked. I even saw her smoking a cigarette in front of her child shortly after. I guess everyone has a different idea of safety. Just wish she hadn't voiced her opinion to me as it really ruined my last day on holiday!

Reins are brilliant. Far more comfy and safer for the child than having their arm stretched up and gripped. Especially if you have a runner or wriggler.

My mum used reins on me as a child, I personally don’t see the issue. The woman should have minded her own business you were being safety conscious fgs!

Horrible experience. I know how upsetting this kind of idiocy is. Fwiw, I took my 18 month old to Italy and he was in reins (one of those Little Life-type animal backpacks with a lead on it!) and all the nonnas were quite impressed with it and wanted to see how it worked. DS showed them that it had space for his little cars etc. No way would I have taken him to Venice without a ball and chain.

For every idiot there are 10 people who think you’re doing a great job but wouldn’t dream of being so crass as to air their views. Remember that some people have a compulsion to flap their gums up and down, and that transcends national borders.

Yeah I know, I was diagnosed with post natal depression not that long ago so bit of an emotional wreck at times.

My DD was a runner. Reigns were a godsend after I almost lost her in a large store. I can still feel the terror in my heart to this day. The arrogance of that woman. Poor you.

I’m 6,2” and when my DS was little, had a bad back , reins were a life saver
also allow some degree of independence

My DS was a runner. Reins were a must as we live in a busy area. I was shamed by a teenager in school uniform who said I look like I’m walking a dog. Brilliant.

Also, my husband is from another country in which reins are frowned upon. First visit when DS was walking, he refused to let me use them. Disaster and so stressful. He insisted we take them the second time and couldn’t care less what anyone said! You won’t need them forever and other people can mind their own business.

Better to be safe, let the child get some exercise and teach them how to walk properly than rely on pushchair or risk an accident. You won’t need them forever! My DS has massively calmed down now he’s 3.5 and hasn’t needed even the threat of them for ages.

I remember some daft woman sneering at me about 26 years ago because I had ds1 on reigns
I had sore arms and shoulders trying to hold his hand and he reaente that and wanted freedom. She said something along the lines if 'he's not a dog you know' I said something like I'm quite aware of that. I don't want my dog or my child to get hit by a car or run off so I keep both of them safe with a leash.
Daft cow.

What's all this ' i was shamed' buisness anyway? People have an opinion. It's different from yours do fuck them.
Seriously. They are not part of your life. Why do you feel shame?
I don't understand it at all.

I think reins are awful - it looks like you’re walking your dog and isn’t exactly teaching your child road safety if you just control their movements rather than vocalise the importance of staying on the pavement etc.
That being said I wouldn’t publicly shame another mother for using them. Each to their own.

I totally agree about teaching them road safety etc, hence why I said I usually walk with her holding my hand. She's actually very good at knowing when to stop at the roads. But I got them for this trip as Venice is full of crowds and open canals with no barriers

It is possible to do both
DD held my hand near roads but had a habit of sprinting off in open spaces and it would take me a short while to catch up and if there were lots of people around I didn't think it was safe.
I would rather look like I was walking my dog than anything happen to DD - she is 20 now and survived the reins of shame.
Didn't bother with DS as he was much more chilled and rarely bolted

I think reins are awful - it looks like you’re walking your dog and isn’t exactly teaching your child road safety if you just control their movements rather than vocalise the importance of staying on the pavement etc.

It's just not about road safety though. I was convinced of the benefits after Jamie Bulger was murdered. His mother did absolutely nothing wrong and the child was took while she paid her bill. You cannot watch your child every single second, especially in a crowds in places like shopping malls. Reigns are a huge safety tool.

Child snatching is not exactly common, so it’s an exteme reason to keep your child on a lead IMHO. But glad it worked for you.

I always think it is useful to learn a few words of the language when you venture abroad... yes, no, please, thank you and fuck off covers most eventualities and occasions.

I had twins... they wore reins.. I was challenged once.. I asked if she had ever seen a childs body being shovelled of a road?... end of conversation.

You do you.
Enjoy your wee one.

Who gives a fuck what it looks like? People seriously need to keep their opinions to themselves. It's got fuck all to do with anyone if someone uses a safety tool on their runners. That's all it is and it works very well.

You don't see teenagers on them do you and pretty much all of them can cross the road alright 🙄

I was on reins at that age. Apparently I was a bolter and went missing in a supermarket. I don't remember, I wasn't on them for long, and I might have my problems but my mother making sure I didn't escape into danger at age two isn't one of them.
Ignore.