Shamed for reigns on toddler

[Han1989]

Hello, this is my first post on Mumsnet but I'm looking for opinions on this topic. I have a very active 2 year old who runs away very quickly, enjoys exploring on her own and loves being chased. I usually let her walk holding my hand or on her own if it's in a safe area (no roads etc) however we recently took a short trip to Venice, and as I was anxious about crowds, all the canals etc I got some reigns (the backpack ones with wings which my daughter loves). Playing in a square one afternoon I was confronted by a young Italian woman claiming to be a teacher and giving her opinion that I am treating my child like an animal. I was very taken a back and left the situation, where I became very upset to the point of crying. I genuinely feel I do everything for my child's best interest and to be shamed like this in public whilst on holiday was very distressing. Can anyone give any insight, are reigns really that bad? Please no negative comments, my daughter has a great life and runs freely outside every day.

You sound like a very caring mum who is keeping her child safe. The other person is rude and entitled. I've always thought if I ever receive unsolicited advice or opinions I'll respond that their clothes are not flattering or something similar and see how they like someone else giving an opinion on them!

Tell the young Italian woman claiming to be a teacher to fuck off and then continue with your day rightfully free of any shame or guilt.

I had reigns in the 70’s - very sensible !

My health visitor recommended them for my 2nd born, I used them !

I always used them with mine.
The woman sounds like a clueless idiot and I also bet she isn’t a teacher.

Child snatching is not exactly common, so it’s an exteme reason to keep your child on a lead IMHO. But glad it worked for you.
No you are right of course, it's not common, but thanks for the condescending dig. However losing a child in a crowd,even for a few minutes is quite common and extremly frightening so , as I said, reigns are a good safety tool.

Also when you are out for a long while shoulders and arms can ache if you are trying to hold hands on a busy dual carriage way or they are writhing about because don't want to hold hands. Two year olds can be quite forceful. It's hard enough pushing a pram with a baby, trying to walk through town and hold a toddlers hand that doesn't want their hand to be held
Glad you managed without them though.

Reins (no g! sorry) are totally fine, ignore

it totally depends on the kid, one of mine was a bolter so had them and enjoyed them (as did I in the 70s!!), my other always held my hand and walked with me so not necessary

total lifesaver with some kids and how is it not far better than strapping into a buggy?

I have twins and use teins but tough. They keep them safe, l like walking to places and also vocalise how to use road e.g. waiting at junctions / traffic lights. Plus they love them -if we don't use them once a day there can be tears...

She was smoking in front of her child?! Her priorities need a look

If she was smoking in front of her child she obviously has very different risk assessment criteria to most parents so I would totally ignore her. She isn't going to be paying the medical bills, funeral expenses, having her holiday ruined because your child has been injured/ got lost. Her views are irrelevant.

One of my children was a bolter and I used reins as appropriate to keep her safe. As she got older I only used them if she had already tried to run away. A toddler has very little road safety awareness and of course you hold their hands too and explain to them the importance of looking and listening. It is a supplement not to replace road awareness. My other dc didn't really need to use them because they were happy to hold my hand.

She was super rude.

Reins are somewhat culturally specific. I have never been in a country in Europe or North America where I’ve seen them used as much as in the UK. FWIW, I was quite surprised when I first saw people using them in the UK because I wasn’t used to it, and it did remind me of dogs being walked to be honest. But obviously it’s a perfectly reasonable parenting choice, even if it’s not what everyone, everywhere does, and that woman was way out of line.

She’s an idiot, take no notice.
I still remember wearing reins (blue, with a pony and a bell) as a 3-year old and I loved them. Plus I was safe, which is what matters.

@Mumoftwo52 you missed the copied post by from 2015 by @EmpressaurusKitty above.

A MNetter's child ran into the road and was killed, not even a bolter just a distracted Dad. She advocates for reigns every time it is posted.

OP, use reigns, they keep children safe whilst they learn to navigate the world.

ODFOD.

Before the age of about four children have no concept of road safety and won’t understand the consequences until they’re beneath a car. I always used reins for my daughter and my brother would laugh at me, told me I was “treating her like a dog”, until his two year old ran into the road and only avoided being hit by a car because of the fast reactions of the driver. They’re safety equipment.

For what it’s worth, my daughter is nearly seven now and is perfect around roads.

Can we please just establish that it is REINS not reiGns?

I used reins with DS when he was a toddler, ignore the interfering cow.

Reigns are very important for safety.

ignore idiots

That woman should be ashamed. Nobody has a right to come up to you in public to bash your parenting. If it was me I would raise my voice and make her the embarrassed one. I used to use reins because my LO was a runner. Over time we didn't need it anymore but believe me it was useful for that time. I believe in doing what works best for YOU and YOUR child as a parent. You know what's best, what others think is irrelevant.

Of course it’s fine
i don’t recall getting any negative comments 16 years ago, I was probably too sleep deprived. I do remember DD2 sometimes hanging like a puppet, hilarious. Not done her any harm. No dog impressions

they may be unusual abroad, but that’s their loss

and the irony of the smoking!

67 mom used them on me so i wouldnt fall in the river
i had twins saved me and them
do it you will feel better for it
that woman had no call

Happened to me also but I persisted as safety comes first. Also heard horror stories re kids being run over and killed. Not worth the risk when you have a runner.

Silver Cross prams used to come with reins, didn’t they? I seem to remember a toddler seat that went across the top of the seat that came with chest reins. Since it’s a British make, I wonder if that’s why they’re used more here?

Regardless, you did nothing wrong!

When we took my 8 year old to a family festival, he wore an extendable wrist strap attached to me. When it got dark, it would have been so easy for him to be swallowed up by the crowd ans very difficult to find him! My other two had a strap attached to each other, which they had great fun with.

Ignore anyone who tries to guilt trip or criticise you here. Your DD is 2. Many 2 year olds are totally unpredictable when they’re out and about. Mine would see a dog or something equally amazing, and run towards it like Usain Bolt after chugging down 10 Red Bulls. Until she was able to understand the danger of roads, rivers etc, she had reins. It only take seconds for disaster to strike in this situation. Your DD needs the time and maturity to learn the importance of holding hands and waiting for you at a junction if she runs ahead on the pavement. Right now she needs keeping safe. Which is exactly what you are doing.

Years ago when my adult DC were babies everybody put reigns on their toddlers. They are safety devices and very useful if somewhere away from home where if a toddler is a runner it's hard to know where they have run off. You were keeping your DD safe.

Mine were born 2008, 2010 and twins in 2012. All of them had reins as did I and my sister in the 80's.

I was able to grab my children and prevent them from falling, keep hold of them in busy places where they might have easily slipped from a hand hold and bolted having seen something grab their attention. If they had a tantrum/meltdown (Sen child) I could pick them up by the back of the harness and move them to a safe location while also pushing a buggy.

Luckily I never had any comments or I would have chewed the head off anyone who dared compare my child's safety to that of an animal. But Yanbu for using a perfectly sensible safety tool to keep your child safe whilst also letting them experience independence and learn how to behave and react in busy environments.

Toddler in Venice???? Yes, you need reins