Wife refuses to rehome cat that scratches baby

[zorkolot]

I would like everyone's honest opinion. My wife and I have a 7-month old baby and 2 cats. 1 of the cats is appropriately social and docile. The other cat scratches impulsively, is unpredictable when feeling defensive, and tends to scratch and dig his nails even when playing (I'll call him Fluffy). My wife says Fluffy was weaned a bit too early and this is just the way he is.

We had an incident a few months ago, where Fluffy scratched our daughter on the face bad enough to break the skin and leave a scratch. We think it's because she grabbed his tail (while she was in a sleeper on the couch) and this surprised him and he swatted instinctively. I told my wife then, that this was a problem- that while I tolerated Fluffy impulsively scratching us adults- that I no longer thought it was a good idea for him to be around our baby; that #1 he has proven he has no problem scratching her and #2 she is too young to know any better and will eventually try to grab the cat again. I asked her if it it would be ok to send Fluffy to her mother's (who has taken care of the cat before). Her mother lives about 40 minutes away on the other side of town, but we do visit at least monthly. My wife's response was defensive and while she told her mother about the request, she refused to follow through and rehome the cat. She believed our daughter would learn the hard way, by being scratched enough times (as stupid as that sounds), and that she would learn to engage with this cat differently. I thought this was unreasonable given our daughter's age, that we can't teach her yet to avoid situations like this, and that it would only result in unnecessary injury to her.

Last night, Fluffy scratched our daughter on the face again. This was a lighter scratch that thankfully didn't break the skin. My wife said she was partly to blame because she allowed the cat to get too close to our daughter- and when she moved to shoo him away that Fluffy jumped up frightened and somehow scratched our daughter on the face in the process. She felt since it was an accident and not on purpose- that the cat was not at fault.

My problem with her reasoning is whether the cat means to or not- or daughter gets scratched. A cat that means to do something can be taught to discourage the behavior. A cat that scratches instinctively or defensively however, cannot be taught anything and will just keep scratching. I feel our daughter is going to get victimized again and again from this cat.

I again brought up the subject of rehoming the cat with her mother, to which she refused, insisting it was an accident. We argued that night, where I claimed she chose the cat over our daughter. She said that made her "feel terrible", for which I did not feel particularly sorry for since I knew it was the truth. I suggested we rehome the cat with her mother until DD is old enough to talk and understand to be careful around Fluffy. My wife was uninterested.

Today, my wife sent me a text while I was at work. She refuses to rehome Fluffy with her mother, and said that many things could be dangerous to DD and we can't prevent them. She brought up unrelated subjects like falling off the couch, me, the baby's own nails, the babysitter, the baby sitter's animals, and her mom's dog. I think my wife's attitude is ridiculous.

I am wondering about next steps.

I'm not convinced the cat has to go. We had two cats when our oldest was a baby; one nice and one mean (mean one died when she was a toddler). The mean one was odd and the vet said he may have had difficulties when born. He did bite and scratch sometimes and did get our toddler once or twice. Both cats liked attention and toddler took time to learn only to give attention to nice cat. We had had the cats a long time, they were important to us, no where near as important as DD but we loved them and mean cat couldn't help his behaviour. DD was never badly hurt and the cat didn't target her and she was bigger and stonger than the cat after her first few weeks. I would have felt quite differently had it have been a dog as they can cause serious injuries.

Team cat here! Supervise both and then teach said child how to respect the cat’s boundaries - I grew up with a cat but was not actually allowed to go near the cat and was supervised by my mother and told how to stroke the cat when I was a little older - we became firm friends!

My 4 DC grew up with 3 cats and I can’t remember any of them being scratched as babies and if they did as toddlers it taught them not to touch the cats.

The cats slept upstairs all day behind the baby gate when the DC were really little and came down for fuss at 7pm. When those ones died we got four new rescue ones and the DCs are now young adults who adore cats!

I do think OP of you’re feeling like this now with a non-mobile baby you’re going to be in for a shock with a crawling baby then a running, climbing toddler. Give the cats. Place to escape from your DD, teach your DD how to behave around animals.

The part where the baby is non mobile and should be supervised constantly anyway? Yes

Cats in general are fine, nobody’s argued anything different, or if one crack pot didn’t I didn’t see it and it doesnr change the op. THIS cat is not fine, because it’s very different from yours and does scratch. All the time.

Well, yes if they are children that just lash out and punch her. Of course you would?!! You’d be in the school complaining to the principal, or at home saying no Stella can’t come over or don’t play with that child they are always very unkind. What parent wouldn’t??

This is a 7 month old baby. The cat is not getting mistreated by the baby.

If the cat isn’t aggressive, why did it scratch the non mobile baby? Twice? Did you read the op? The cat plays aggressively, whether it intends to hurt or not The other cat scratches impulsively, is unpredictable when feeling defensive, and tends to scratch and dig his nails even when playing. Literally the opening post.

Of course kids need to learn not to torment pets. Kids also need to be toilet trained, everyone would agree I think. This non mobile baby is not tormenting pets, is too young to either torment pets or learn not to, and also too young to toilet train. I don’t understand the point of this comment when it seems so irrelevant to the op and their 7mo old baby.

Your wife is a bitch and a bad mother

Doesn’t your house have doors? Keep the cat out of the room that baby is in. Simple.

Lots of animals will react defensively if they are being hurt. It’s instinctive.

How dramatic are you? 😂 Not comparable at all.

He’s a control freak.

Where did anyone mention toilet training?? Crazy!

Yours is the irrelevant comment here!

How are things now OP? Hopefully you have rehomed the cat and your wife has chose to prioritise your baby?

The baby is 7 months old. My LG is one year and I have been teaching her gentle hands since about 5 months. The hands do not get gentler. The cat is clearly a danger to the baby and your wife is not even trying to protect her baby from this clear danger. I would tell her the cat goes or you will be leaving with the baby and she can get supervised visits as this she is showing clear signs of neglect to her own child.

Au contraire, I hope the wife has rehomed the husband and made sure to supervise the baby properly.

Leave the cat alone!

I’m glad you’re not my MIL. If you were, you would not have been seeing your grandson at your house.

OP, the cat must not be in the same room as baby. Your DW needs to get on board with this, or the cat will be leaving.

I worked with a woman years ago whose own car scratched her across the face when they both in bed. She narrowly avoided serious damage to her eye. No DC should be left near a cat.

I worked with a woman years ago whose own cat scratched her across the face when they were both in bed. She narrowly avoided serious damage to her eye. No young DC should be left near a cat.

I grew up with a cat just like this. I quickly learned not to mess with him. My Mum made sure the cat was never alone near me until I was old enough to manage myself.
I adored him.