Wife refuses to rehome cat that scratches baby

[zorkolot]

I would like everyone's honest opinion. My wife and I have a 7-month old baby and 2 cats. 1 of the cats is appropriately social and docile. The other cat scratches impulsively, is unpredictable when feeling defensive, and tends to scratch and dig his nails even when playing (I'll call him Fluffy). My wife says Fluffy was weaned a bit too early and this is just the way he is.

We had an incident a few months ago, where Fluffy scratched our daughter on the face bad enough to break the skin and leave a scratch. We think it's because she grabbed his tail (while she was in a sleeper on the couch) and this surprised him and he swatted instinctively. I told my wife then, that this was a problem- that while I tolerated Fluffy impulsively scratching us adults- that I no longer thought it was a good idea for him to be around our baby; that #1 he has proven he has no problem scratching her and #2 she is too young to know any better and will eventually try to grab the cat again. I asked her if it it would be ok to send Fluffy to her mother's (who has taken care of the cat before). Her mother lives about 40 minutes away on the other side of town, but we do visit at least monthly. My wife's response was defensive and while she told her mother about the request, she refused to follow through and rehome the cat. She believed our daughter would learn the hard way, by being scratched enough times (as stupid as that sounds), and that she would learn to engage with this cat differently. I thought this was unreasonable given our daughter's age, that we can't teach her yet to avoid situations like this, and that it would only result in unnecessary injury to her.

Last night, Fluffy scratched our daughter on the face again. This was a lighter scratch that thankfully didn't break the skin. My wife said she was partly to blame because she allowed the cat to get too close to our daughter- and when she moved to shoo him away that Fluffy jumped up frightened and somehow scratched our daughter on the face in the process. She felt since it was an accident and not on purpose- that the cat was not at fault.

My problem with her reasoning is whether the cat means to or not- or daughter gets scratched. A cat that means to do something can be taught to discourage the behavior. A cat that scratches instinctively or defensively however, cannot be taught anything and will just keep scratching. I feel our daughter is going to get victimized again and again from this cat.

I again brought up the subject of rehoming the cat with her mother, to which she refused, insisting it was an accident. We argued that night, where I claimed she chose the cat over our daughter. She said that made her "feel terrible", for which I did not feel particularly sorry for since I knew it was the truth. I suggested we rehome the cat with her mother until DD is old enough to talk and understand to be careful around Fluffy. My wife was uninterested.

Today, my wife sent me a text while I was at work. She refuses to rehome Fluffy with her mother, and said that many things could be dangerous to DD and we can't prevent them. She brought up unrelated subjects like falling off the couch, me, the baby's own nails, the babysitter, the baby sitter's animals, and her mom's dog. I think my wife's attitude is ridiculous.

I am wondering about next steps.

Leave your wife and take your daughter with you. She's a fool.

Your wife was totally to blame for letting the cat get close. It’s not the cat’s fault, just its nature.
And obviously daughter is way too young to be responsible in any way. The cat needs rehoming.

I think YABU. Just teach the child to respect the cat and leave it alone. I had a cat which scratched my son deeply on the face when he was a toddler because he pulled it's fur. I just made sure to supervise better in future and educate my son on being gentle with the cat. The issue didn't happen again.

Perhaps you'd like to give OP some advice on exactly how you would teach a 7 month old baby these skills?

Our child is 7 months old, does not crawl, or even talk outside of saying "mama" and "dada". It's not really possible to teach her outside of letting her get scratched again; maybe you can suggest how to teach her?

Fluffy takes a one way trip to the vet. You need to sit your wife down and tell her that your daughter is way more important than any animal and if she can't see that then she needs a sharp reality check.

Thanks, I thought so as well.

I just wouldn’t allow Fluffy to be in the same room as the baby.

You keep a baby that young away from the cat! And you redirect them once they are crawling. You also supervise the cat and keep it away.

Basically, just parent.

She needs to understand the seriousness of this, cat scrapes can lead to all kind of infections especially in babies. She needs to put your daughter first.

I had 2 cats when my DD was born and they were never allowed alone in a room with her, when in the same room close supervision was a must - she never got scratches. The bigger cat even liked her pulling his tail when she got to toddler years and use to waft it about in front of her.

Problem is, the wife thinks it's perfectly OK for the animal to be around the baby, and thinks it's OK if the baby gets scratched.

Fucking nuts.

The cat cannot cope living with a baby.
Sometimes the best thing for a pet is removing after a baby, simply because their home environment is not comfortable for them anymore.

Being a responsible pet owner includes making these hard decisions.

Edited for grammar

You’re not someone who have been around babies have you.

7 months. They barely sit up

You can’t reach a 7 month old pet etiquette 🙄

The cat needs to go.

Or you take the baby.

And how pray tell do you do this when the baby is with the parent who gives no fucks?

Why were they being left together unsupervised? The first time the baby was left on the sofa with the cat, and you are guessing as to what happened to cause the cat to scratch?

The second time does sound like an accident.

We have dogs, not cats, but accidents do happen, my daughter has been knocked over before or had a tail swished in her face, or been trod on (which sounds like what has happened the second time with the cat, it's just the nature of owning animals and having small children, they learn to co-exist together.

Unless the cat is actually aggressive towards the child (not in retaliation for being hurt itself) then you just need to parent and supervise properly.

Why can't the cat be in a different room?

I guess in this case it’s fine to have an XL bully in the house with an infant. You know, just keep the dog away from the baby and when the baby start crawling just guide them away
Jesus. The lunacy on MN is staggering.

Are you talking about euthanasia?

She deserves to feel terrible! The baby has to come first, what if it’s her eye that gets scratched next time?

We have a cat that meets exactly this description and a 2 kids, 4 and 18 months. He scratched both of the kids when they were younger, and they've both basically learnt at this point to avoid him unless he's sitting on mine or husband lap and they touch his head to stroke him (in the only place he likes, and with our hand there too). When they were smaller we would just move the cat to a peaceful place they weren't and let him sleep - his biting/scratching stems from stress mostly, he's just less tolerant than most cats. Weirdly the cat seems to really like my younger child who is also kind of obsessed with him. I think the issue is really that your wife needs to work harder to keep the cat and the baby apart. This was a source of significant stress to me when we first had a baby (and the cat once jumped up and properly bit my arm whilst I was breastfeeding) but my husband wouldn't entertain getting rid of the cat. He has also chilled out quite a lot as he gets older.

Right so on top of teaching a 7 month old skills that are physically impossible, you expect a mother who thinks it's fine for a baby to "learn the hard way" to do all of the above? Are you even reading OP's posts?

Its a baby. If its getting to the cat and grabbing its tail then its not being supervised.
Rehoming a pet because it scratched a child that pulled its tail is excessive. I would not rehome the cat over something that can easily be managed

A cat is not an XL bully. The cat could do some damage to me as an adult but not much. In terms of the baby, the cat and the baby need to be kept apart and you need to supervise a 7 month old all the time other than when they are asleep, which would be with the door shut and no cat inside!

Why is it lunacy? It's never too early to age appropriately teach children how to be respectful to animals, and you do have to work to keep them separated until they can understand.

OP said the cat scratched because it had been hurt, most animals will do that, that's why you don't leave animals and children alone together, ever.

Comparing a cat to an XL bully is pointless. One is an outright killing machine, with no regards for human life, the other is a dog.

Our dog decided to bite our 8 month old son that was a one way ticket to the next life.
Son was more important than the dog.

Your wife is stupid.