Wife refuses to rehome cat that scratches baby

[zorkolot]

I would like everyone's honest opinion. My wife and I have a 7-month old baby and 2 cats. 1 of the cats is appropriately social and docile. The other cat scratches impulsively, is unpredictable when feeling defensive, and tends to scratch and dig his nails even when playing (I'll call him Fluffy). My wife says Fluffy was weaned a bit too early and this is just the way he is.

We had an incident a few months ago, where Fluffy scratched our daughter on the face bad enough to break the skin and leave a scratch. We think it's because she grabbed his tail (while she was in a sleeper on the couch) and this surprised him and he swatted instinctively. I told my wife then, that this was a problem- that while I tolerated Fluffy impulsively scratching us adults- that I no longer thought it was a good idea for him to be around our baby; that #1 he has proven he has no problem scratching her and #2 she is too young to know any better and will eventually try to grab the cat again. I asked her if it it would be ok to send Fluffy to her mother's (who has taken care of the cat before). Her mother lives about 40 minutes away on the other side of town, but we do visit at least monthly. My wife's response was defensive and while she told her mother about the request, she refused to follow through and rehome the cat. She believed our daughter would learn the hard way, by being scratched enough times (as stupid as that sounds), and that she would learn to engage with this cat differently. I thought this was unreasonable given our daughter's age, that we can't teach her yet to avoid situations like this, and that it would only result in unnecessary injury to her.

Last night, Fluffy scratched our daughter on the face again. This was a lighter scratch that thankfully didn't break the skin. My wife said she was partly to blame because she allowed the cat to get too close to our daughter- and when she moved to shoo him away that Fluffy jumped up frightened and somehow scratched our daughter on the face in the process. She felt since it was an accident and not on purpose- that the cat was not at fault.

My problem with her reasoning is whether the cat means to or not- or daughter gets scratched. A cat that means to do something can be taught to discourage the behavior. A cat that scratches instinctively or defensively however, cannot be taught anything and will just keep scratching. I feel our daughter is going to get victimized again and again from this cat.

I again brought up the subject of rehoming the cat with her mother, to which she refused, insisting it was an accident. We argued that night, where I claimed she chose the cat over our daughter. She said that made her "feel terrible", for which I did not feel particularly sorry for since I knew it was the truth. I suggested we rehome the cat with her mother until DD is old enough to talk and understand to be careful around Fluffy. My wife was uninterested.

Today, my wife sent me a text while I was at work. She refuses to rehome Fluffy with her mother, and said that many things could be dangerous to DD and we can't prevent them. She brought up unrelated subjects like falling off the couch, me, the baby's own nails, the babysitter, the baby sitter's animals, and her mom's dog. I think my wife's attitude is ridiculous.

I am wondering about next steps.

Exactly, a simple solution until the baby gets older

The second scratch didn't even break the skin. This is barely even an incident.

If a cat wants to bite or scratch so it breaks the skin, it knows the difference.

Have lived with cats all my life, only time I've had a serious injury was rescuing a trapped, scared cat with my bare hands. Which was a stupid thing to do. But I did learn that the sort of every day scratches a cat does are intentionally not harmful compared to what they can do when they mean it. Which is very very rare.

7 month old needs better supervision. When they are toddling, they and the cat sort themselves out.

For the hard of understanding at the back, the op’s wife thinks it’s perfectly fine that Fluffy scratches the baby and doesn’t see any need to keep them apart.

I have reported your first post as it has your childs name in it....not a good idea!

But that is the issue he needs to fix with his wife, the cat is a redherring. If the wife doesn't safeguard her DC, getting rid of the cat won't solve the problem. She needs to be more on top of keeping her child safe.

Well then OP needs to speak with his/her wife not take the poor cat for a ‘one way trip to the vets’.

So in seven months there have been two incidents, the second of which didn't result in the baby coming to any harm? This doesn't sound like a dangerous situation. Fluffy sounds like a normal cat.

Your wife has admitted she let the cat get too close so she obviously does see there is a need for cat and baby to be kept apart. I'd say your next step is to sit down and agree to keep the cat away from the baby until the baby is old enough to not pull his tail.

But both incidents just happen to have occurred when the child is old to start interacting more. This is going to get worse not better for at least the next year or so.

Not according to the OP. The first incident was "a few months ago" and he isn't even sure what happened so clearly no one was watching the baby at the time. The cat isn't seeking the baby out to harm her. Supervise the baby and the problem is solved.

The cat needs to go. A baby should always take priority over a pet, as cruel as that is for the pet. One of you would need to be watching the cat and the baby like a hawk every second of every day to make sure no more accidents happen. That's just not realistic. The one time something happens that makes you let your guard down is the one time the cat is likely to scratch the baby again. The next time it happens, it might be worse.

Honestly I’d say my daughter isn’t living with this cat, so I’m taking her to my parents while you think about it. We aren’t coming back if cat is here.

No you don't rehome your cat just because your child has had a couple of incidents. Years ago people didn't rehome their family pets over stuff like this. It's a couple of scratches, she's fine and your wife is being level headed and loves her pet. If I was your wife I'd really, really resent you for saying she is putting the cat before your daughter and for having such a black and white view on it. Guilt tripping her into giving up her pet is likely to cause the sort of hatred that divorce stems from. Just make better efforts to keep the cat away from your baby, in both the situations you describe the cat isn't at fault, humans are.

Do you not think that taking someone's baby from them just because they disagree about rehoming a pet is a bit fucking cruel? The Op can't just remove their baby to get their own way.

Both times, my daughter was with my wife. She admitted she left the room when it happened the first time, the second time it happened with my wife next to the baby and she let the cat get too close. I think the 2nd time she was hoping the cat was integrating as our other "friendly" cat had already done. I understand her position; I just don't like my daughter's face getting scratched.

Unfortunately, my wife traumatized (yelled at, probably hit in anger- I wasn't there) Fluffy the first time he scratched my daughter's face. The cat has been jittery around our daughter ever since. He has never been "aggressive" but reacts instinctively and panicky around her now. It was probably a contributing factor to the 2nd scratch.

As for putting Fluffy in another room during the day, I think that's a great suggestion, at least for now, and will talk it over with my wife.

Agree, both parents are at fault not the poor cat and the Op looking for any excuse to get rid of it.

Your daughter will learn to be careful with Fluffy. My grandson had very similar with my cats. He knows better than to be rough with them now. It's a good life lesson, to be wary and respectful of animals. It's not a pit bull. It's a cat.

Yes, watch the cat around your child. But the occasional scratch will teach her very quickly.

I dont think anyone is suggesting that the cat is at fault but neither is the baby. Both are acting true to their natures and will continue to do so.

My sisters cat could only be rehomed in a house with no children as he was very reactive and skittish, especially around food. With my sister he had a far more secure and quiet life. He could relax.

Quite apart from the OP and the baby, the cat doesnt sound happy in this situation either. So the wife is making a situation where everyone is pissed off except her, as she selfishly refuses to consider anyone elses needs but her own, including the poor cat.

Poor thing needs to go for its own happiness, sounds bloody miserable.

Get rid of the cat and your wife!!

Unfortunately, my wife traumatized (yelled at, probably hit in anger- I wasn't there) Fluffy the first time he scratched my daughter's face.

This right here is a reason to re-home the cat. I don't think your daughter is in any danger but it sounds like your wife is abusing the cat.

Unfortunately, my wife traumatized (yelled at, probably hit in anger- I wasn't there) Fluffy the first time he scratched my daughter's face.

She hit the cat? Ffs 🤦‍♀️

Fluffy had lived at the Mother-in-law's for a couple years before I married her daughter. The MIL has suggested she would take the cat if there was no other alternative. I've brought up a compromise to send the cat to the MIL for a few years while our daughter learns to talk and understand how to interact with Fluffy- then Fluffy can come back... An alternative some people on the forums have suggested is putting Fluffy in a separate room (and we might end up doing just that, I will talk to my wife about it). I have always watched our daughter closely, both of the facial scratches occurred on my wife's watch. Unfortunately, my wife traumatized Fluffy when the 1st scratch happened so the cat is now jittery around our daughter which probably contributed to the 2nd scratch. I do want what's best for the cat as well, I just don't think Fluffy interacts correctly with our daughter.

As I've commented on other posts- my wife was watching the baby both times our daughter was scratched in the face.

You can't get rid of a cat because it scratched when it was stressed and upset.

In the same way that you'd (hopefully!) keep a very close eye on any dog near your baby, you need to keep an eye on the cat. TBF, you should be keeping an eye on them both together anyway. Even the most placid cat won't tolerate being grabbed at.

When the baby is old enough you will either teach your child to respect the cat and leave it alone or the cat will teach it.

Make sure the cat has a quiet, safe place it can go to where it knows it will never get bothered.

If the cat is lashing out because it has been hurt then I really don’t think the cat should be blamed it is just a natural behaviour.

your 7 month old can’t even move I don’t understand how it could possibly be in a position to pull the cats tail unless she’d been left by the parent right next to it.

its simple your wife needs to keep the cat and baby in separate rooms. In a couple of years your DD will have grown out of trying to pull the cat and then it won’t matter. I would not rehome it personally but your wife needs to take more responsibility in keeping them apart.