Wife refuses to rehome cat that scratches baby

[zorkolot]

I would like everyone's honest opinion. My wife and I have a 7-month old baby and 2 cats. 1 of the cats is appropriately social and docile. The other cat scratches impulsively, is unpredictable when feeling defensive, and tends to scratch and dig his nails even when playing (I'll call him Fluffy). My wife says Fluffy was weaned a bit too early and this is just the way he is.

We had an incident a few months ago, where Fluffy scratched our daughter on the face bad enough to break the skin and leave a scratch. We think it's because she grabbed his tail (while she was in a sleeper on the couch) and this surprised him and he swatted instinctively. I told my wife then, that this was a problem- that while I tolerated Fluffy impulsively scratching us adults- that I no longer thought it was a good idea for him to be around our baby; that #1 he has proven he has no problem scratching her and #2 she is too young to know any better and will eventually try to grab the cat again. I asked her if it it would be ok to send Fluffy to her mother's (who has taken care of the cat before). Her mother lives about 40 minutes away on the other side of town, but we do visit at least monthly. My wife's response was defensive and while she told her mother about the request, she refused to follow through and rehome the cat. She believed our daughter would learn the hard way, by being scratched enough times (as stupid as that sounds), and that she would learn to engage with this cat differently. I thought this was unreasonable given our daughter's age, that we can't teach her yet to avoid situations like this, and that it would only result in unnecessary injury to her.

Last night, Fluffy scratched our daughter on the face again. This was a lighter scratch that thankfully didn't break the skin. My wife said she was partly to blame because she allowed the cat to get too close to our daughter- and when she moved to shoo him away that Fluffy jumped up frightened and somehow scratched our daughter on the face in the process. She felt since it was an accident and not on purpose- that the cat was not at fault.

My problem with her reasoning is whether the cat means to or not- or daughter gets scratched. A cat that means to do something can be taught to discourage the behavior. A cat that scratches instinctively or defensively however, cannot be taught anything and will just keep scratching. I feel our daughter is going to get victimized again and again from this cat.

I again brought up the subject of rehoming the cat with her mother, to which she refused, insisting it was an accident. We argued that night, where I claimed she chose the cat over our daughter. She said that made her "feel terrible", for which I did not feel particularly sorry for since I knew it was the truth. I suggested we rehome the cat with her mother until DD is old enough to talk and understand to be careful around Fluffy. My wife was uninterested.

Today, my wife sent me a text while I was at work. She refuses to rehome Fluffy with her mother, and said that many things could be dangerous to DD and we can't prevent them. She brought up unrelated subjects like falling off the couch, me, the baby's own nails, the babysitter, the baby sitter's animals, and her mom's dog. I think my wife's attitude is ridiculous.

I am wondering about next steps.

What kind of a mother is your wife that won’t put your baby before an animal?

wtf

Pretty big drip-feed about your wife possibly hitting the cat. Why would you think she had done that when you weren't there and why didn't you mention that in your OP?

Fluffy shouldn't be interacting with a baby at all. Animals and babies are not a good combination! The problem is not the cat.

I initially thought rehoming was an overreaction to normal cat behaviour. But now that you have explained that your wife is abusing the cat I agree he should be rehomed.

My thoughts exactly!

I think you are over reacting. I was scratched often by our family cat when i was little. I loved our pets and this one cat didnt like being carried around. I learned it the hard way.
We have 2 cats now and one is very friendly, but often outside. The other is always around the kids, loves being carried around etc. But he gets these weird moments where all of a sudden out of nowhere he just scratches anything thats near.. sometimes its the kids. They are careful, but they still always play with him and sometimes it ends with a scratched arm. Never occurred to me to rehome the cat!

I get that you baby is 7 months and doesnt understand how to treat a pet, but with proper supervision it shouldnt be a problem, especially since your baby cant even move much yet. Its gonna be much harder when she crawls and walks, bit still managable. And hopefully as she gets older she will learn.

If you send the cat away don't bother bringing it back, it needs owners that are going to look after it, not fuck it off as soon as it does something inconvenient, you chose to have children and have animals at the same time, so stop blaming your wife for everything and put some effort into how you can all co-exist peacefully and safely without it being your wife's sole responsibility to supervise them 24/7.

After the first scratch did you bother to do anything about keeping the cat and child separate or did you just leave it up to your wife to sort out and do a better 'job' by herself? And now you're on here complaining that she isn't doing a good enough job.

I agree on all points, thanks. If we did rehome it would be to the Mother-In-Laws, about 40 mins away, until our daughter is old enough to understand proper interaction, and then I would have no problem with the cat returning. But I do like the other suggestions to put the cat in another room.

probably because not enough people are agreeing that they should get rid of the cat, so he has had to up the ante until he gets a unanimous verdict.

You never liked that cat, did you?

For goodness sake let the cat go to mother in law.

You said your wife had left the room the first time it happened, either way you got to keep your daughter safe, so the cat has to go unfortunately.

Okay... we both work so the wife watches the baby on certain days, and I on others. I cannot control what my wife does and both scratches happened on her watch. I've asked my wife for alternative options, she gives none. I lived with the cat fine for a year and didn't mind it scratching me but I've drawn the line with it scratching my daughter in the face. We have another cat that is the exact opposite of Fluffy, doesn't scratch or do anything remotely aggressive to my daughter. I'm not "fucking off" anyone's pet here and do care about the welfare of the cat. As I've said in other responses my wife traumatized (yelled/hit) Fluffy after the 1st scratch so now the cat is jittery around my daughter, which probably contributed to the 2nd scratch. We will probably put it in a room away from our daughter as others have kindly suggested. Does that answer your passive-aggressive questions?

I see.

For what it's worth, I like the separate rooms solution, if that's feasible. It needn't even be for that long.

18 months is totally different to 7 months, and my 4yo interacts very nicely with our cat.

The cat is friendly if interacted with care (as my wife has said- he was weaned early and a little feral). Fluffy only likes to be pet on his head. I do like him and care about his welfare. I obviously don't believe he interacts correctly with my daughter when he's scratching her in the face. We have 2 cats and I unconditionally love and treat them both with the same amount of love.

I agree with this.

Cat does not sound like it is deliberately scratching the child. Children should learn how to live with animals.

learn to manage the problem better.

Hey @zorkolot- I don’t think it’s unreasonable to get the cat re-homed while the baby is so little. My mum had my cat for a couple of years when my LO was a baby.

Take a look at the link I’ve included about Cat Scratch Disease and maybe show your wife too - https://patient.info/treatment-medication/dog-and-cat-bites/cat-scratch-disease
You’ve likely not heard of it as in all honesty it’s not super common, but I knew someone that caught it from a cat scratch (my cat actually) and it was pretty unpleasant for them. Also, because it’s uncommon it’s hard to diagnose which means you can have it for ages and can continue to feel poorly. Really not the kind of thing you want a baby catching for sure, especially since their immune systems aren’t as robust as adults. To be fair to Fluffy too, he might be totally stressed at having the baby around. Some cats just can’t deal with small humans. It might be better for his wellbeing to have a bit of a break from it as well. Good luck! X

It's a cat not a dog. It will likely learn to avoid your daughter if it hasn't already after the tail grabbing incident, and just take steps to separate them yourselves if not. Within a few months the cats going to be more at risk of being hurt than the kid, unless it starts actually going for her then it sounds like an overreaction.

Jesus it’s a cat! Wait til your kid starts school.
Animals - Newsflash- they scratch and bite. Re- home the poor thing by all means. Toddlers pull and it bloody well hurts.
Children should be taught respect, animals require training.
Does your wife realise she’s massive compared to a cat, why is she hitting it.
Never get anymore animals.

@Nextdoortomeis Never get another animal. You’re the irresponsible one for leaving your child alone with the dog.
Don’t bite off more than can chew in future.

Comparing a cat to an XL 😆Jesus!

The good news is that when your dd starts crawling Fluffy will probably start making himself scarce. A mobile toddler is a cat's worst nightmare.

This thread is a bit mental. Responses range from the cat-killer woman, who wants the cat killed just out of spite, despite the fact granny is happy to re-home it, to people proudly telling stories of how their kids learnt the hard way from the maulings they faced from beloved family pets as newborns.......

Surely the reality is, that it's entirely possibly to have cats and/or dogs and babies, as long as you never allow the two unsupervised in each others' presence.

Loads of us do it. I actually bitterly regretted having a dog and two cats when my dad was born - it made parenting infinitely harder work, having to ensure doors were fully closed all the time etc etc, but it's entirely possible and billions of people do it .....

Both OP and wife are unreasonable in my opinion. OP because she appears not to give a shit that her baby got scratched. OP because they aren't willing to consider some obvious and very basic safety steps.

If the cat ends up staying, get it a heated igloo. My old cat had one and spent a lot of time in it. It was easier then to keep him and the baby completely separate.

We're talking about a baby here, that's been scratched twice. The cat need to go.

…in another room/garden, yes you’re right.

I cannot control what my wife does and both scratches happened on her watch.

I've asked my wife for alternative options, she gives none.

So basically you did do nothing after the first scratch..it wouldn't occur to you to implement something to keep the cat and the child separate for both of their safety.. but that's all your wife's fault because she didn't tell you the obvious solution to the problem.

Gotcha.