DH said he wants to be a 30% Dad

[Japaneseflower]

Curious of people's opinions about this. I'm happily married for 5 years. We have a 2 year old and second due in a few weeks. Lately, parenting has felt all consuming and the 2 year old antics have definitely ticked in but overall I would say its not even too extreme. It's mostly throwing things and sometimes not listening. Anyway, I feel I am definitely the main caregiver which I don't mind and enjoy but it's been a tough few months being pregnant with a toddler. I spent half a day out yesterday so my husband stayed home with him and I find every time he looks after our son for a few hours, my husband is very overwhelmed, tired and exhausted. Then today he said he feels he wants to be 30% involved with childcare (I believe that's what he meant). Obviously I was not happy with this at all because I feel this is the reality of parenting and our free time does decrease. He admits that he selfishly yearns for more time to himself. I get him, I do but I also need support and truly believe both parents need to be fully in. What do people think?

Get divorced and you can do 30/70 split of custody and he can pay you maintenance then you can afford some childcare and have some time off. Maybe. Sorry that might not be helpful but honestly he could fuck right off. My soon to be ex is similar and - well, he's my soon to be ex.

If spending his time with his toddler "isn't productive" then he needs to reconsider his priorities. Character is formed at a young age, self esteem comes from this time, how your child forms attachments (relationships) is highly influenced - it's a critical age/period in development of personality, character and social skills.

Firstly it sounds like a flippant comment perhaps not made to be taken seriously?
Secondly, it is easy and perhaps even forgivable to feel overwhelmed with sole childcare if you aren’t used it. If he got used to it with more solo stints then perhaps he would be more relaxed about it.
Lastly, however unfair, a lot of women have partners who do much less than 30% - some almost nothing.
So going against the grain of most comments I think 30% isn’t too bad and can be worked on to push it up to 50%. Better discussed and worked on whilst they are young so you can both enjoy their childhoods and not feel resentful.

What do you mean by "the work"?

Childcare of little ones is "work" as evidenced by the fact that the DH becomes overwhelmed and exhausted by it and says it's he wants to do less.

The OP is also heavily pregnant (tiring in itself) and will soon have a baby to care for as well as the 2 year old. She's "working" 7 days a week now and it's about to get tougher for her. Her husband should be stepping up and sharing the parenting load not whining and saying he wants more time to himself!

Ask him who's going to cover the other 20% he's responsible for? Or better yet, 40% because why should he get to take less responsibility for his own child than you do?

What an arse.

Haven’t time to read pages so the question of whether you work or are a SAHP has probably been answered. If you are, I’d say fair enough. If you aren’t, he’s a lazy bugger.

WHAT?! Please tell us exactly what he said because I know he didn’t say I want to be a 30% dad 😂 no one would say that surely? I mean I get what he’s saying. It’s hard! Maybe should have had this convo before having another child? Also does that 30% mean he would be parenting on his own? How does that even equate in hours? 50 hours per week? And does that come all at once during the day/ night I mean that’s such a bizzare thing to say!! I could understand if he said I want a day morning to myself and you have sat afternoon or something but to give a % is odd!

Him: “She acts like she’s my mother…”

Narrator: Because, indeed, he was acting like a child.

Why do women continue to reporoduce with these utter pricks

Wow, what a Prince amongst men he is!

I think a stern word needs to be had with him. You cannot opt out of parenting. My best guess is that he does fug all close to 30% now anyway!

I hope he steps up when baby arrives otherwise you will have a tough ahead x

Ugh the fact that he actually said it is what gets me. We all think it sometimes but to say it to you when you're actually already doing the bulk of childcare feels so unkind.

Why did this male have children???

I hate to say it, so many women want children, which is natural. So many men want to sow their oats and love the idea of carrying on their bloodline but truly hate the reality of what that then looks like in the modern age!

I guess at least he was honest, even if what he is asking for isn’t the reality and he really needs to pull his big boy panties up over it because we’d all like to opt out of any a thing now and again, but, in life it’s rarely a reality!

I’d love to 30% work, but here I am running my own business like the muppet I am 😂

This

🤣🤣🤣🤣

That's alright - let him pay for the remaining 70%.
🙄

No idea why you think that is funny.

😂😂😂 I’d stop doing his dinner and washing/ironing and maybe shag him 2/3 times a month and when he ask’s why tell him you’ve decided you are now a 30% wife! Hahaha seriously what a knobhead

That's already way more sex than he deserves!

My mother will often say, "You don't know how lucky you are to have a man who is involved with the parenting".
I always tell her, "It's not luck mother, it's design."
Don't put up with less than 100!

I should buy him a High tech timer to make sure it's exactly 30%.... After that issue him 30% of everything he usually gets 100% of. I egg instead of three. One third of a slice of toast. One third of a cup of tea. Do it without sayIng anything.

Defo tell him you would rather be a 30%wife and bag yourself a stud for the other 20%. Who's he going to pay to do 20%of his share? Lol if he's just looking for a bit of sympathy and not being serious then fair play we all have these feelings in the first few years.

He sound like another man who liked the idea of children without thinking about the reality of having children. They don't just exist. They actually need to be raised.

He’s not providing you childcare. He’s the parent!! He needs to stop thinking of it as childcare that he can hand over when his shift’s done.

If you flip this round he is saying that 70% of the time he doesn’t want to be a parent, which is really sad.