Can a family court judge force my child into nurserh

[ShyasminW]

Please help I would be really grateful
I have a family court final hearing next week and my ex has put forward his position and wants 50/50 shared care and he wants our son to go into a nursery on his days during the week

i only work part time I do one night shift at the weekend when son is with his dad

I provide full time care all week for my son and son goes to dad for tea mid week after he finishes work

my worry is a judge will force me to take him to nursery half the week on dads time when I am available for him

the nursery he wants our son to go to is 30 minutes from my home approximately I know it’s in an area that’s at least this far from me, and I don’t drive so I would have to get a bus to take him to nursery on “dads days” I also don’t know the name of this nursery as he said it’s linked to his work and he gets discount but he hasn’t stated the name of the nursery to his solicitor (or they haven’t told me) so I won’t know this until we are in court (we do not have any communication me and dad so I can’t ask him)
do you think a judge would force my 18 month old son into nursery when I am available to care for him
can they force me to take him even though I am available to care for him

cafcass did not recommend 50/50 either

sorry this long post

Why wouldn’t dad be transporting your son to nursery during dad’s parenting time? Are you saying dad wouldn’t have the child overnight?

If your ex wants him to go to nursery on his days why do you think you'd be required to take him on your days?

Surely the father takes the child to nursery when he is with him. Why would it be for you to do?

Unless there is good reason not to then the preference is 50/50 shared care, and during his days it's your ex's decision how care is provided, as long as the care provided is safe and meets your child's needs.

Presumably you wouldn't be available though as you would be able to increase hours at work due to not having childcare responsibilities on those days.

Absolutely no way you should be shuttling him back and forth to nursery on his days. If he wants 50/50, he has to actually parent, which means getting up in the morning with him, getting him ready, packing a lunch, taking him to nursery and collecting him - and paying for nursery.

If your ex is going for 50/50, I assume the child will be with him overnight on his days. He will then be responsible for taking the child to nursery, picking him up and caring for him on days he is unable to attend due to sickness etc.

You will have no responsibility for him during that time.

Why are you against your child going to nursery?

Could your feelings be more about not having your DS for half the week rather than where he is cared for?

It must be hard if you currently have him for most of the week but like others have said. you'll be able to hopefully increase your shifts?

I would make clear though that you will be working and if your Ex has him say Monday to Wednesday and DS is sick, it's up to Ex to stay off work and look after him as you too will be at work.

You only have to make him available on dad's contact days. It's up to his dad to get him where he needs him to be not you.

You could argue son needs one setting for childcare and 30 mins away and no transport is no good when he gets his free nursery hours. You also need to ask how his free hours are going to be used, and what happens when he gets 30 funded hours and can attend a normal nursery school setting, sometimes linked to the primary school he will attend.

Why does cafcas not support 50/50? If they don't then I can't see dad getting it. But if he does getting him to nursery is his responsibility on his days not yours.

If your child's dad wants him to go to nursery on his days then that is fine. However I don't see why you would need to get him to nursery? The whole point is he is going on the days he is with his dad/

cafcass did not recommend 50/50 eithe

Sorry I forgot to ask, why aren't they recommending 50/50 and have they recommended anything else?

You wouldn’t be taking him to nursery on dad’s days. 50/50 is what it says. Dad is fully responsible for getting dc to and from nursery on his days. He will be the one who pays for it and will also have to leave work if dc is unwell, go and collect him and generally juggle his work and family responsibilities. I suspect your exes idea of 50/50 is you still being the default parent when any issues arise on his 50%. Once he realises that will NOT be happening, he’ll probably change his mind.

Sorry I didn’t put this

we have had police involved snd cafcass also said third party handover only so me and ex husband dont see each other so I would have to take him.

Given that update 50 /50 sounds unlikely..

we do not have direct contact so on the days that son wakes up with me it would then be dads day so I would have to take him to nursery but I would rather just keep my son with me as I don’t need him to attend nursery

Did you just read the title and then stop reading?

I agree if he wants him at nursery - he collects and drops off.

I think it’s madness as you aren’t at work and can look after him in those days, but it will free up your time to do additional hours, plus of the baby is sick on his days, he will have to step up, same in the school holidays etc

You need to write a list of extras that need to be considered in this decision - like above - what happens when he goes to school, what happens for family holiday, Christmas, bank holidays

So rather than go opposed to the idea, you need to have a clear discussion on how he sees that working in xyz scenarios, doctors and dentist appointment school clubs, extra clubs etc

Maybe look at you have the child Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday - dad collects and he does the nursery drop offs Thursday and Fridays.

thanks for replying but I think I would have to because dad doesn’t want set days he wants 2255 schedule so not the same set days weekly it would be different week days every other week. So my son would stay the night with me on my day and then he woukd wake up on dads day with me and I woukd have to take him to nursery I’m just wondering if a judge can force that especially if I am available to care for our son mid week

Has the 50 50 actually been ordered or is this worst case scenario for you?

Is it that you feel your child shouldn't be in nursery but his father does?

I still don't follow. Why would you be taking him to nursery. Unless it's the day of handover? Even then it's dad's responsibility not yours.

Ex is allowed to use nursery on his days rather than use you as his childcare.

Can you afford not to work on his days? 50/50 would mean no child maintenance and being a single parent is expensive.

The judge would only allow 2255 if that worked with your working patterns.

Nurseries normally charge for a full week, so he would have to pay for that every week and send him the days he’s working

We k ow what the issues are, but you need to spell this out, yes he can go the days EH has him, but he won’t be going on your days and you won’t be paying for it.

The judge can’t dictate what you do on your days and more than he can -

Worst case
dad works full time and I only work part time I am off Monday to Friday dad has tea nights already with our son but he wants our son to go to nursery in the week so he can have 50/50, nursery is also a handover location as we use family members currently (my sister does handover from my home when he collects our son after he finishes work) we are not doing any direct handover this is what police and cafcass have said.

I am hoping. To say that why does our son now have to go to a nursery just to give dad 50/50 and I would have to travel to take him there so dad can collect him

Make a counter offer.

Stop worrying about what he wants and come up with what you want, what’s best for the child.

I would be available though because I work part time so I am available

do you think they would order son into nursery if I am available to provide care