Can a family court judge force my child into nurserh

[ShyasminW]

Please help I would be really grateful
I have a family court final hearing next week and my ex has put forward his position and wants 50/50 shared care and he wants our son to go into a nursery on his days during the week

i only work part time I do one night shift at the weekend when son is with his dad

I provide full time care all week for my son and son goes to dad for tea mid week after he finishes work

my worry is a judge will force me to take him to nursery half the week on dads time when I am available for him

the nursery he wants our son to go to is 30 minutes from my home approximately I know it’s in an area that’s at least this far from me, and I don’t drive so I would have to get a bus to take him to nursery on “dads days” I also don’t know the name of this nursery as he said it’s linked to his work and he gets discount but he hasn’t stated the name of the nursery to his solicitor (or they haven’t told me) so I won’t know this until we are in court (we do not have any communication me and dad so I can’t ask him)
do you think a judge would force my 18 month old son into nursery when I am available to care for him
can they force me to take him even though I am available to care for him

cafcass did not recommend 50/50 either

sorry this long post

@Completelyjo Yes, it seems to me that if the father wants the child to go to nursery during "his time," he's responsible for transporting them there.

The OP shouldn't be involved as its not during "her time."

2255 is no use for the OP as shes unlikely to find a job that will fit with that pattern.

Yes i know shes saying that she doenst want a job but she might change her mind when her child is older and then that pattern is fixed. And even if you inherited a house, money is still handy to pay the bills and feed and clothe yourself and your child.

He collects on tea nights from my sister usually so son would be removed from my care just to go to nursery basically and I would have to travel so far to this nursery

thank you for replying

she has already said - inheritance

Yes because I am extremely financially stable

I have the stability to be a “stay at home mum”

You could actually get a job with more hours you know.

On a part time job?

Read the thread, she doesn't need to as she is financially stable through inheritance so wants to be there for her child

Can no-one read she doesn't need to work more hours?

Why would I do that?

why do people work more hours ? Because they need more money

i am not in that position that is not my situation

please don’t be rude

Does your ex pay you anything towards your child currently @ShyasminW ?

I only work to not get bored
I received inheritance a few years ago and I am financially stable I really don’t want to discuss finances I just simply need to say I only work part time and I do not need to work full time

Thank you for replying

because he would wake up with me on dads days, dad starts work early so I would have to take him

I agree. However the details of OP taking the child to nursery are quite vague, it’s not clear if the father actually means for OP to do the drop off or if he’s just communicating that the child will be attending nursery.

Although to contradict that I guess it’s also not reasonable that the father if the only one to drop off and pick up and I guess the OP would need to drop the DC off even earlier if she was taking them to the fathers home in the morning.

Surely because, at 18mths old, a baby is better off with it's mother and receiving one to one care where possible, rather than being with strangers?

If I had inherited a house plus enough money to make myself "extremely financially stable" I'd only be working one shift a week as well!
I am normally a big supporter of 50:50 shared care but in this case it just doesn't make sense
You only having to work very limited hours yet still being able to afford everything your child needs means you'd be better providing more than 50% of the care. If cafcass didn't recommend 50% care I can't see why anyone would think that's a good plan and I am sure family court would think that too.

Family court judges are unpredictable so nobody can help you wok out what is likely to be ordered.

You need to be clear that it isn't reasonable to take your child off you for several days a week and put him in childcare just so your ex can technically have 50/50 shared care. Your son is tiny and, as long as you provide nurturing, responsive care, is better off with you.

Make sure you put together a plan that allows your child to have reasonable access to their father when he is available to care for them and allows you to continue to care for them on weekdays while he is working. Include suggestions for handovers.

Also follow the advice upthread by creating a list of queries around exactly how the logistics would work.

Do your best to be calm, logical and clearly prioritising your child's wellbeing.

Good luck. I hope the judge is decent and sees this for what it appears to be, i.e. an abusive ex trying to hurt you by putting your child with other people when you would be able to care for them yourself.

Yes he didn’t at first for almost a year as he said I didn’t need his help financially however he does pay now through cms

feel like not saying this I am going to get my head bitten off on this post saying I am financially well off but then use cms. I just have a house paid for and i am a good saver, i do use the cms payment for our son and I thought we should both contribute

Thank you for your reply x

Assuming he can drive and you can't, it would make more sense for the nursery to be within walking distance of you. Though seems crazy to pay for a full-time place to avoid paying CM (which is usually much less).

Read the op post, it’s explained

If you ex gets 50/50 then it’s up to him to look after your child on his days. So say it’s 3 days one week and 4 the next I would expect the father to pick him up st the start of his time, the it’s up to him to get the child to and from nursery, and he brings the child back when it’s your turn, or you do drop off to him and he returns to you

@Completelyjo I'm quite confused, tbh!

Anyway, my gut feeling is that if Dad really wants his child to attend that particular nursery on "his days," it's up to him to facilitate this, not the OP.

Your financial situation doesn't really matter, he should still pay for his child.

When DS1 was in nursery I wanted him to go 2 days one week and 3 days the next (reflecting my working pattern). I understood I'd need to pay for 3 days a week regardless of whether I was using it, but wanted to give them a heads up of the plan. They basically said that wasn't okay and they wanted me to send him just the 2 days regular days and find somewhere else for the 1 day every other week so they could offer the space to another child who would be there all the time they were booked in for. I was baffled, thought if I was paying regardless it would be fine, but apparently not.

So could be something like that?