How much money do you need to earn to have kids?

[Anudawan]

I’ve always wanted a brood, I mean 3/4.

how much does one need to earn to facilitate this?

how much do you ‘need’ to earn for 2 kids, 3kids etc.

for me private school isn’t a priority, id save some money for them to go to uni, get them a 2nd hand car (not a banger but nothing too pricey) and a contribution towards a house deposit (nominal amount, as I do think it’s important to save and grind a bit for this type of stuff) I think largely house deposits would come from my inheritance.

we’d like a moderate lifestyle, shopped around holiday abroad, a UK holiday etc

mortgage around 1100

I’ve posted similar in aibu, largely by accident but post hasn’t got much traction

It is not silly, it’s literal common sense.

if they have no money, then they save to get some?

its not even about the amount being even to the exact penny but id hardly feel comfortable gifting any sum, to any of my future kids when their partner hasn’t contributed to anything. Hardly seems fair. It’s not about dumping but it’s a huge commitment. That being said I wouldn’t out of principle be giving tens of thousands more of a nominal gift, in today’s climate say like £5k.

if they have no money, then they save to get some?

But in the real world by the time they do that house prices may have jumped ahead & your dc may still need the other persons salary to secure the mortgage.

I often see £300k as the average cost of raising a child to adulthood - not sure if that includes uni etc

That’s true, and I’ve not thought entirely of the logistics but I have a very good maternity policy where I work (6 months full pay, DH has the same) so we’d probably be able to wangle it, with only a slight drop in income for 3 months on smp. We have a 3 month phased return to work for 50% hrs (so 2 days) and DH can split his parental leave.

from what I understand this is quite lucky

Yes they likely would, as most do now. But it would make sense to buy a house with someone that’s financially contributing towards its purchase, some skin in the game if you will. This is hardly shocking news.

there is no way, I’d have gone in on a property or any big purchase that’s both mine and Dh’s if he wasn’t contributing.

I think a big aspect is what you will want to do post baby. I completely stepped back from my career & did 14 hrs for a bit. I've slowly built it up to 25 hrs & even though one will be in secondary this yr I don't see room to increase my hours further.

Obviously it’s all a bit hypothetical rn but I’d not go in with the aim to reduce my hours (not possible with my line of work anyway) I’d continue with my condensed hrs

Yes they likely would, as most do now. But it would make sense to buy a house with someone that’s financially contributing towards its purchase, some skin in the game if you will. This is hardly shocking news.

But someone whose salary is used in the mortgage calculation & is contributing to the mortgage monthly payment does have some skin in the game. Plus the person with the smaller deposit may earn a lot more...

Obviously it’s all a bit hypothetical rn but I’d not go in with the aim to reduce my hours (not possible with my line of work anyway) I’d continue with my condensed hrs

But until you have a baby you don't know is the point.

i think about it from an opportunity cost point of view if I was to reduce hours or stop working, I can’t imagine I’d change my mind BUT life is full of surprises.

Not to the same extent they don’t, especially not in the short/ medium term, if they put nothing down and the other party but a 10% 20% deposit down, if the relationship ended after 5 years, they’d be entitled to 50% of the value of the property, that would ostensibly be 50% of the deposit put down + any equity.

i mean you do you, but for me, I wouldn’t give a financial gift to my kids without it being a) ringfenced and b) the other person contributing. I also wouldn’t make a large purchase for myself, nor would I have bought my current house if DH didn’t contribute towards the deposit. We weren’t gifted any money for a deposit but did get a lovely present for some kitchen appliances from my mother which was greatly appreciated and 3piece suite from DHs family.

id save some money for them to go to uni, get them a 2nd hand car (not a banger but nothing too pricey) and a contribution towards a house deposit (nominal amount, as I do think it’s important to save and grind a bit for this type of stuff) I think largely house deposits would come from my inheritance.

Bear in mind that the car you buy them might be cheap, but the insurance for a learner won't be. This could be £2000 a year for teenagers.

What would you want to pay for them to go to university? Enough for them to have £100 a month to spend on food? £600 a month for their rent or £9000 per year each so they don't have to pay tuition fees plus £9000 a year so they don't have maintenance loans?

Car insurance guess we’ll cross that when we get to it, and pull all the levers we can, like us as the main driver/ name driver to see if that does anything. We’ll see.

uni, so from what I understand now, there’s a deficit in maintenance loan depending on what you earn and then another deficit again to live a decent standard of living. So that’s what I’d aim to do. £100/ £150 month in an investment should do the trick, lower end that’s about £22k after 18 years. That being said I do think university and student behaviour will change and fewer and fewer students will leave home for uni as it becomes financially unattainable for many.

Well DP is on the equivalent of 46k a year and I get 12k and that does us, two kids, a tortoise, a car, a mortgage and one holiday a year. Also includes multiple days out during school holidays, paying my mum a salary to look after the youngest and both kids have monthly gym memberships which includes swimming and loads of fitness based activities. We live within our means but definitely aren't going without. Kids don't have to cost the earth and mine have always had new clothes and toys but that's my own preference not to buy second hand

I also wouldn’t make a large purchase for myself, nor would I have bought my current house if DH didn’t contribute towards the deposit

Will your 500k inheritance be a matrimonial asset or are you going to keep it separate from your family & DH?

The world has changed and things might be harder for children born now with climate change and AI. I think you are very smart to consider what you need to set them up in life - many people are sadly bringing in children simply to be the peasants or worker drones for the elites. Your children too might have health issues or other unexpected issues they might need more time or money. I think you might have to think on your feet too no matter how well you plan.

Given that it’s in my plans to gift some money to my children I think you have the answer to part a of your question.

part b) if we were to divorce I’d absolutely be ring fencing it (divorced spouse can still claim inheritance I believe). I think I’d likely take some sort of legal advice. I mean at that point we’ll have likely been married 30yrs but yes I’d be looking at some legal advice, he has a second property, so in the event of receipt of a large sum would make sense to get some legal advice on where things might stand if the worst were to happen

The best way of ring fencing something like
inheritance is never meshing it with the family otherwise it's more likely to be seen as a matrimonial asset. Although if matrimonial assets are not sufficient as is the case for many then non-matrimonial assets are often added to the pot in terms of divorcing.

Any inheritance DH & I get, could be nothing, could be large will just be shared money we have decided.

Well that’s good for you! Like I said you do you!

when the time comes I’ll take some independent legal advice on how I can give some to my kids or ring fence it for them.

I'm a single parent (by choice - no child support) to a single child and I keep us going on £40k a year, but I did graft like crazy to pay off my mortgage early so I now don't have housing costs. I don't know how I'd do it if I had to pay rent/mortgage. I'm also very lucky in that nearly all my wraparound care is done by family for free - I pay for 2 after school clubs a week but that's it. I'm frugal and regularly have a no spend month when I want to save up for something in particular but we still have a great life together. We do camping rather than center parcs, pick things up on Vinted, batch cook, and I've always done little things to supplement income and make some pocket money - tutoring, having lodgers, matched betting, Prolific studies - I don't mind hustling a bit as long as it doesn't take me away from DD for any longer than my normal job. I save like mad and use the money for our ISA investments and for experiences - I've taken her to Disney, we go to the theatre a lot, we have weekends away, go to concerts etc, but I drive a 12 year old car, don't own jewellery or nice clothes or the latest tech... - those are the trade offs I'm happy to make to leave space in the budget for other things that I value more. I also use YNAB to budget every penny so nothing is accidentally wasted.

I agree with pps that a 1:1 ratio is easier financially. But if you want a family, of any size, money shouldn't stop you - you can trim where needed to make it work and you'll never regret it.

No once you’re married and have children there is no ring fencing, it’s a marital asset

You’re thinking about life in a too black and white manner.

A young couple where one has money and the other doesn’t. The poorer partner just needs to save harder/ work harder?

If only it were easy to match family money with good old fashioned will power.

Also £5k would do jack shit for a deposit. My mum gave that to my bother recently and it only really covered his new boiler with a bit left over. We have easily spent that on a holiday recently.

I wish someone would have told my ex-h that 😂

What's mine was ours, What's his was his

What about if they don't have children, so say get married, married for maybe only a short time (less than 5 years), no kids. I wouldn't want that money to be split with the ex-wife.

I'm not thinking about those that contribute £5-10k or so, but what about when you are essentially gifting 33% or 50% of their first house?

I've known a number of people who have bought houses outright, got married and ended up in their 50s with a mortgage because the ex-spouse got half the house they'd paid for.

In this day and age, whilst it's not romantic, I think it is important to protect your assets, especially if they have been gifted from someone else.

I don’t know about the non kids route. I think sometimes you can both leave the marriage with what you brought to the marriage but depends on length of marriage (google says a short marriage under 5 years this is more possible to leave with what you brought)

It’s different if you have children as you then have dependents needs to provide for and also usually someone has taken a career hit and reduced their earning capacity so judges take that into account.

Tbh the best way to protect your assets from going to your partner is not to get married