How much money do you need to earn to have kids?

[Anudawan]

I’ve always wanted a brood, I mean 3/4.

how much does one need to earn to facilitate this?

how much do you ‘need’ to earn for 2 kids, 3kids etc.

for me private school isn’t a priority, id save some money for them to go to uni, get them a 2nd hand car (not a banger but nothing too pricey) and a contribution towards a house deposit (nominal amount, as I do think it’s important to save and grind a bit for this type of stuff) I think largely house deposits would come from my inheritance.

we’d like a moderate lifestyle, shopped around holiday abroad, a UK holiday etc

mortgage around 1100

I’ve posted similar in aibu, largely by accident but post hasn’t got much traction

I appreciate some see the value in a “leg up,” but I don’t. Everything we have is earned, and I’d want to instil that in my kids too. You want it, pay for it.

Helping your dc doesn't mean they don't understand that lesson though.

"Almost half of under 35s who recently bought a home received financial help "

I see it more a way of them not getting left behind.

Cars and weddings are luxuries so they can work for those.

House deposits and university are different. I'd rather DD wasn't trained into getting into debt in her teens, so we save for university. I will expect her to work around university as well.

And a deposit, house prices and affordability are very different now. To live near me, DD would have to be a doctor or lawyer. Spoiler alert; I am not a doctor or lawyer. Housing has changed and a 'leg up' just gets our kids near where we we and nowhere near where our parents were.

I think it’s maybe a background thing too.

I grew up in a council house that my parents then bought. They wouldn’t have had the funds to help even if they wanted to, which is likely why I’d never take their money. With the deepest respect to them, they need it.

My first property was less than £150k, and I only had to pay a 5% deposit. It is still possible to get housing for that price in the NE, which is where I’m originally from - so expecting someone to save the funds themselves to buy one of those out of a full time salary, whilst living at home, isn’t a big ask.

I am in Cheshire now, where it is… different, and I can obviously see that it’s not as affordable, but I still wouldn’t fully fund a first property deposit, as it removes responsibility IMO.

Most have a great live without parents funding a house. It's not going to happen here or for any of my childrens' friends.

We have funded 2x uni. They have no loans (both have worked at holidays or weekends too) and we'll do the same with our youngst of course.

But travelling the world, cars, houses and weedings? They are 100% on their own. We don't have that kind of money and they are able to take of themselves.

but I still wouldn’t fully fund a first property deposit, as it removes responsibility IMO.

So you would fund some?

Not as part of a planned expenditure.

If they’d saved £35k and needed an extra £2k, for example, then sure. Those figures are plucked out of thin air, but you’ll see what I mean! Once they’ve done the lions share of planned saving themselves, it wouldn’t be “the plan.” The plan would and should always be to do it yourself.

I appreciate it’s a lot of money, but if they’re living at home low rent/rent free, with a full time income of a minimum of £23k (min wage), it’s saveable.. right?

We have 4 children soon to be 5.
We live quite comfortably. Household income is around £92k a year. But our living costs are low.

We do however have large age gaps we only have 1 child in nursery at a time which helps massively. We holiday 2 times a year (1 abroad 1 uk)

We won't pay for cars etc though for dc. Our eldest would have got driving lessons last year when she turned 17. However we have the opinion it's a luxury and while we will fund the first block we expect them to cover the cost after as its not exactly cheap to do and if they can't afford to do that then they won't be able to run one. So that hasn't happened. Though the money and offer is there when she finally follows through.

I'd say we live quite well for where we live (south east can be quite expensive)
We do prioritise things such as weekly swim lessons for the younger children over say a paid day out with them.

In terms of university, we save to cover the difference in the loan they will get after our income is taken into account. We may consider giving extra but we would be more reluctant in terms of if they are not trying to also help themselves financially

Our age gap does also mean things like phones and secondary school costs etc we only have 2 children at a time to pay those costs for which probably helps in terms of laptops, extra tuition when needed etc.

I appreciate it’s a lot of money, but if they’re living at home low rent/rent free, with a full time income of a minimum of £23k (min wage), it’s saveable.. right?

I would count this as parental help, I have friends who couldn't live at home or did and paid market rent. Is there a difference between someone living at home and paying no rent saving 35k with no cash from
parents & someone renting a house share and getting a cash gift?

And of course the market you are in makes a difference. I'm a Londoner & the average FTB deposit is approx 144k

I think there’s a key difference - they saved it themselves.

The parents enabled that to happen perhaps, by not charging full rent etc, but the process of putting that money aside for a reason was done by the young person.

Quite easily really. At the moment we have around £800 leftover at the end of the month. Bills & council tax come to around £600. Gas & electricity is £150. We spend about £600 on shopping and £200 on fuel. We own our 2 cars outright so no repayments or finance for those. We spend around £300 or so on days out, clothes, birthday presents for family & friends, whatever else comes up that month. Our children are also all still very young (so not wanting super expensive gadgets yet!) and we have very minimal childcare costs of around £100 a month because I mostly stay at home with the youngest 2. I imagine things will change a bit though as they all get older.

The parents enabled that to happen perhaps, by not charging full rent etc, but the process of putting that money aside for a reason was done by the young person.

I can't see a perhaps about it tbh. I don't understand how one has learned more of a lesson, both are being enabled by their parents. We will have to agree to disagree.

You don’t see how actively saving your own deposit, in your own bank, using your own money that has been earned… is different to it being transferred into your account?

It’s a very different lesson.

I mean some people do also have to do both, I know plenty of people that didn’t live rent free and also had to save their deposit. Most people I know, actually.

It’s okay to be in the privileged position to want to give your kids tens of thousands of pounds, but it definitely is privileged.

100k family income for 3 kids, one holiday, a car; more if you are starting now (no kids yet). If you want private school you would need so much more!

You don’t see how actively saving your own deposit, in your own bank, using your own money that has been earned… is different to it being transferred into your account?

It’s a very different lesson

But the point is they are only in that position because a parent is enabling them to live at home cheaply or for free....Someone living outside the family home, is still actively budgeting for rent and bills and earning that money to support themselves. At the end of the day they are both being enabled. As I said you don't have to agree...

It’s okay to be in the privileged position to want to give your kids tens of thousands of pounds, but it definitely is privileged.

I don't think anyone has claimed otherwise on this thread have they?

A question for those that can/would gift a substantial first property deposit, if I may?

If your dc is buying their first property with their spouse or partner and they are not contributing to the deposit, do you expect that money to be ring-fenced in the case of divorce or separation?

How would you feel if say you gifted a deposit of £100k on a property of £300K and they divorced several years later (perhaps without their own dc) meaning the ex-spouse would be entitled to half of that money.

im not sure of the precise legal doc but you can have one drafted to ensure you get the deposit back. And if they were buying with a partner then well they should both be contributing equally

This is silly. You can’t insist on your children’s partners contributing equally. What if they have no money?
I had zero deposit and zero family money. My husband has tons of family money and paid all the deposit for our house.
Was he supposed to dump me because I couldn’t match his deposit amount???

No, but a parent making a substantial gift like this might want to ensure it is protected so that in the case of divorce, their dc still benefits from it and not the ex-spouse given the high divorce rate. I'm sure there must be legal ways to ring-fence one person's deposit contribution.

If your dc is buying their first property with their spouse or partner and they are not contributing to the deposit, do you expect that money to be ring-fenced in the case of divorce or separation?

The bulk of our deposit came from DHs parents (we did also add to it with our savings). We were married before buying & had been together some years beforehand. There was a signed document to say the money was a gift to both of us, Breaking up was not really discussed but DH said he would give me half if we did.

yes there is, I can’t remember what it’s called but there is a certain document you can have drawn up

Yes. I would. Those £ should follow my child in a divorce. I would ask for legal advice.

Sorry if someone has already said this but don't forget that if you plan to take maternity leave up to four times you will have significant periods of time when your income (or your partners) will be substantially reduced

i'm not sure what I would do, I think it would depend on the particular circumstances.