What are your views on smacking?

[DevilwearsPrada]

I was smacked as a child and I am of the view that it hasn't done me any harm. Before I had kids I was certain I wouldn't smack. When I had dd1 (5) I didn't smack her (PFB and all that) but I think if I had she would be more disciplined now. Hindsight and all that.

With dd2 (19 months) I wasn't going to smack either but now she's into toddlerdom and getting up to all sorts I find it's the only way I can stop her doing things. I nly lightly tap her on the bum a couple of times and she is wearing a nappy so won't really hurt. But the shock of it stops her being naughty. I do give her a warning before I do it. I tell her no but she just laughs and does it again. I have a 3 strike rule. With dd1 because I've never smacked her I don't intend to start now. I can reason with her and punish her with taking away things which is hard to do with a 19 month old. I intend to stop smacking dd2 when she reaches an age she'll understand punishment.

I don't really want to smack them both as they get older but I won't rule it out if they're terribly naughty.

What are your views? And how do you discipline your DC?

Ah thanks sophable.

SHEENA1 on Sat 03-May-08 14:14:32
"teaching right from wrong . called disapline thats whats wrong with this country kids dont have any and there going off the rails ."

So how come there are much greater problems with child offenders, truancy, teenage pregnancy, teenage drugtaking etc etc in this country than in Sweden where smacking was banned in the 1980's and was already really unusual in the 1960's?

I have spent a lot of time in Sweden in recent years and have to say that most children I've met seem perfectly pleasant- and on very good terms with the adults.

(Am not suggesting that the smacking ban is responsible for this, that would probably be far too simplistic)

Haven't really felt the need for smacking myself. When dc's were little, I found removing them from a dangerous situation worked quite well (the example of the fireplace). And now they're older I can usually control them by the mere fact that they know that I am bigger and more experienced and meant to be in charge: the air of authority (Cory goes off to practise in front of the mirror ).

I have spent a lot of my life around teachers: I have been a supply teacher myself and both my parents were teachers. Our collective experience suggests that those of our colleagues who did badly with discipline were the ones who were always shouting and dealing out punishment; that is, the ones who let the pupils suspect that they were afraid of losing control. The air of calm authority gets much better results.

i think its shit to smack, and also lazy parenting...... sorry but you did ask.

Was thinking about this tonight..my 18mo DD was playing up in her highchair after dinner and throwing things around and being a bit stroppy. But she was totally exhausted. She passed out fast asleep during her bedtime bottle.

Would some people have smacked her for her "naughty" behaviour earlier, when she was just being a tired little girl?

Yes, some people would have. And it would have achieved precisely nothing.
I agree with the other posters on here who have said it is just plain wrong for one person to hit another person, no matter what their relative sizes/ages.
I don't see how you can use the parent/child relationship as a get-out clause to allow behaviour that would not be tolerated outside that relationship.

"i think its shit to smack, and also lazy parenting"

I agree with that - I think it's lacking in humanity to smack a child and it makes me feel physically sick.

I was smacked as a kid - no bruises or blood - and it did affect me. I still feel nervous of my mother because she used to inflict physical pain.

Am wary of posting as threads this long have inevitably moved a long way on from OP but I'll stick twopennyworth in anyway...

I was very occassionally (I mean probably less than 5 times in my whole life) smacked as a child, and as others have said, was when I was being a hell beast or had done something so stupidly dangerous I probably could have been killed and poor mum just went whack as a reaction to her own shock. Dad never smacked any of us.

DS is only 14 months so have never had cause to smack him (well some people may well have smakced him when he woke them up for the 20th time that night but its not as if he could learn from the smack at that age). I do not absolutely rule it out, and I certainly don't agree that it is always wrong, always harmful etc.

I think naughty step and the like actually sound like torture, a protracted, psychological punishment and really really nasty. Will NEVER do that and have made nursery swear they will never naughty step DS. Of course they can tell him off if necessary but naughty step is out of the question. It also seems to encourage sulking, and dwelling on the problem instead of making up and moving on. Yuk.

I agree with cory and the air of calm authority. I have never had any problem with things that I am absolutely definite on such as at bed time they stay in bed and they are never verbally abusive.It has never been quite so easy on things that are not too important to me-DCs sense these things.